Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Bachelor Chris Episode 4: Ashley I. Gets Jaded

 Amazing Count 74
Journey Count 16

Hello, Readers.  Week 4 and I have to admit, even with a dolt of a Bachelor, a couple of virgins, a schizophrenic, an all expenses paid one-way trip to Iowa, and a couple of drunk Canadians, it’s shaping up to be a hell of a season.  The entire thing sounds like the sucker-bet showcase on The Price is Right.  You know, the one with the tent and the bar-b-que grill and not the jet ski and the trip to Aruba.  Some Guy observed a lot this week and, based on the feedback I’ve gotten so far, it appears a male point of view is in high demand. 



We have a lot to sort out.  Let’s get to it. 

Thankfully, a solo Chris Harrison is back in his customary “I stopped caring a few seasons ago” untucked oxford and designer jeans.  With baited breasts the women listen intently has he resets the whole show after the havoc Kimmel’s guest spot caused last week.  

He drops the “stakes are high” speech, the 2 Group but 1 solo date news, and parts with the date card before heading to the ABC Production Tent for a stiff mimosa and an even stiffer paycheck.  Oh yea, he artfully mixed in the fact that Chris’ three sisters will be swinging by to interview the ladies and make a special pick for a special date.  The women sat there drooling like a pack of Pavlov’s dogs.

First date card.  “Megan, Kaitlyn, Ashley I., Ashley S., Juelia, Samantha, Mackenzie, and Kelsie.  Let’s do what feels natural.”  Seemed simple enough.  What followed was a confusing series of nervous hair flattening, primping, extension fixing, and caking on the make up.  Naturally. 

Look, I’ve alluded to the fact that this post is going to be heavy on the guy advice.  Here’s the first little bit of it.  But first, a comment, then a clip.

Look, I don’t know what it is about y’all and this show, but what often seems patently obvious to me as a man might as well be black crayon on a chalkboard to the female readers.  I often get “my husband agreed with you” comments and emails.   Of course he did, he’s a man.   We’re like Matt Damon in The Legend of Bagger Vance.  We see The Field. 

(Start around 3:00)  See the Field

The Field for Date One?  Let me explain. 

Chris is from Iowa.  He’s not looking for buttonless cut off jeans, hair extensions, and a lot of complaining about bugs, muddy water, and sleeping in a tent.  The paddle boards, rafts, kayaks, and the remote location are all window dressing.  He’s looking for someone who can be spontaneous, adapt if out of her comfort zone, and someone who is drama free. 

No vodka?  How about a beer? 
No toilet paper?  How about peeing in the river?
No shower?  How about roughing it for 12 hours?

These entire dates, obstacle courses, and twists are all designed to weed out the drunks (Tara, Jordan), nut jobs (Ashley S.), Type A over-competitive Types (Jillian, Organ Saleswoman) and complainers (Ashley I., Kelsie).  Why is that so difficult to see?  

It’s not like it’s not working either.   It’s been textbook.  Look who is ahead right now.  Jade, Kaitlyn, Carly, Samantha, and Becca.  I’ll break these down, but what do all of them have in common?  They’re simple, interested in what he has to say, and go with the flow.  They’re on his radar because they’ve been flying under it.  More about this later.  Jade’s date vs. Jillian’s date should be a case study for all women looking to land a dude . . . or turn one off so badly he’ll lose your number before you get home and take off your extensions. 

Classic convertibles take Chris and the Group Daters to a retention pond somewhere east of the mansion.  Ashley I. immediately begins to stress about telling Chris that she’s never been banged like a screen door in a hurricane.  Kaitlyn drops her suit bottoms and Kelsie complains . . . and complains . . . and complains. 

She actually referred to the location as a “hellhole.”  Notwithstanding the stupidity of that comment, I’m certain there were a whole bunch of America’s finest watching from a hovel in Afghanistan who likely took exception to that.  Even the bees were sick of it.  She got stung on the crotch after referring to the entire date as “questionable”.  Funny, I said the same thing about Chris’ choice to keep Ashley S. around last week. 

After a non-competitive game of Red Rover, Ashley I. and Mackenzie let the art of tent assembly get the better of them.  Under Kaitlyn’s leadership, Megan overcame her prodigious bosom and lack of a brain and managed to get her tent assembled.  Good Lord.

Kaitlyn, how do we put this tent together?  If I only had a brain. 

After Kelsie’s “I’m bloated and my boobs hurt and I need a Midol” day at the campsite, we begin to get the “she’s fake” talk that we all know will inevitably lead to the dreaded “right reasons” accusations in the weeks to come.  I was waiting for this season’s Wes Hayden to arrive.  It appears Kelsie is this season’s bad guy. 

As Ashley I. made sure her lip gloss was thicker than her eyelashes, the other Ashley proceeded to go all Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on the bunch again.  She’s a Strange Case, indeed. 



Kaitlyn dropped enough one-liners about her to meet the Crazy Joke quota and Chris finally seemed scared enough to make a mental note to leave her roseless this week.   She actually mixed in the word “love” before disappearing into the darkness like Bigfoot . . .  a crazier, skinner, more desperate version of Bigfoot. 

After fixing the cake icing on her face, Ashley I. has a Clare moment and decides to “sneak” into Chris’ tent while he’s “sleeping” . . . like all guys do, in his vest, shirt, and jeans . . . to talk vaguely about the status of her hymen and her overwhelming feelings.  Right.  She plans on telling him that she’s a virgin who’s never had a boyfriend but apparently opted for what looked like attempted CPR.

“Can you imagine what would happen if you woke me up on a camping trip in the Hill Country in my own tent to talk about your feelings?” I said to the Mrs. 

Response?  Laughter followed by a pause and a “poor Ashley.” 

Exactly.  Know your audience, Ashley.  She might as well have waited until the Superbowl and began texting him her feelings. 

“I’m a virgin who’s never had a boyfriend”?  Wow.  Keep selling, Ashley I.  To a 31 year old, formerly engaged guy looking to bring a woman back to Iowa that’s a lot of aggravation he doesn’t need.  The only reason to marry a virgin after age 30 is to avoid criticism.  She’s more insecure than the other Ashley’s grip on reality. Just wait until she finds out where Iowa is.

You know what they say, Ashley I.  A really good makeout session will make your whole week, but really good sex will make your hole weak.  Keep up the act and Chris will see you as nothing more than a sex object:  Every time he asks for sex, you object.  The upside for her, of course, is that virginity can be cured.   Unfortunately, stupidity can’t.  

Fun Fact:  Lincee (www.ihategreenbeans.com) Ray will laugh hysterically at that last paragraph, feel guilty about it, and then refuse to give me the satisfaction of telling me she found it funny which, of course, is twice as funny to me than if she'd just admit it in the first place.   

Moving on. 

Kaitlyn got the date rose and admitted she was drunk.  Take notes:  cool girl who can hold her liquor and maintain her sense of humor without the “I’m a virgin” schtick who doesn’t mind camping for a night.  By the way, those 4 things will get you a Princess Date (and maybe a Neil Lane ring) more times than fake eyelashes and fake virginity will.    

Mansion.  Jillian napped with her black box at the pool.  A paint the nails party ensues between Becca, Jade, Whitney, and Carly and, unfortunately, Chris’ sisters show up before the pillow fight starts.  Jillian gets an opportunity to put on some clothes.  She sorta takes it.     

This is what we do at all sleepovers!  

Chris’ sisters seemed nice enough.  I liked them when they were known as Wilson Phillips but was glad to see they could still find work.  The girls interview with Jade scoring major points with her low-key approach and her Nebraska roots.  More insight.

Whitney—she was nice but too rehearsed and uptight.  She always looks like she’s on the way to a Junior League function and it’s apparent—in spite of her ‘wedding crash’—that she can’t relax.  Incidentally, do you know why Junior League women never attend orgies? 

Too many thank you cards to write. 

You’re welcome.

Becca seemed comfortable.  I like her and she scores major one-on-one points but she’s shy and a tad boring in the group setting.  I still think she’ll go far if she gets a one-on-one, but she didn’t dazzle Chyna, Carly, and Wendy. 

Britt fakes it.  They saw right through it.  She should Hold On For One More Day.  Doncha know, things will change.  Things will go her way if she holds on for one more day.  

Carly tells her “men abused me” story and wants Chris to be like her Grandpa.  I have to admit that she’s endeared herself to me the past couple of weeks but even for Iowa the grandpa line was a little creepy. 

Artichokes!  Date card.

“Jade, your presence is requested at a royal ball…Chyna, Carly, and Wendy.”  Wasn’t Rikki Lake in Wilson Phillips?  Nevermind.   

Jade wins gracefully and The. Sh*t. Hits. The. Fan.   Seriously.  Watching the rest of the women pace nervously around the “Transformation Room” while Jade’s “Fairy Godmother” got her ready for the “Cinderella Princess Date” was freaking priceless.  

The look on their faces when they overheard Cruella Deville telling Jade she could keep the shoes and the Neil Lane earrings was solid Bachelor gold.  They looked like a pack of hyena’s circling a dead wildebeest waiting for the female lion to finish eating.  Ashley I. took it the hardest.  Well, not hard enough to melt her eyelashes but pretty hard.   

Free shoes?  I can't stand it!  


“All I want to do is go on a date and dress up like a Disney Princess,” Ashley I. whines.  Is she five?  

“Fairy Princesses have to put out for Prince Charming in his castle or carriage or whatever to get a date like that,” I said into my Lone Star. 

“No kidding,” said Mrs. SGIA.  Now you see why we get along. 

Alright, let’s talk about Jade. 

The news is already out this week that she’s the one who posed nude, has been arrested, and, apparently, made a semi-dirty movie . . . or two.  We can discuss that later but let’s keep in mind that Chris knew none of that when she emerged atop the stairs in her Cinderella dress as the winner of the “three women I love and who love me picked her for me” contest.  Powerful stuff.  Say what you want, but she looked phenomenal.   Frankly, she could have given Chris a signed copy of those pictures and her movie as she walked down the stairs and I’m not sure it would have mattered.  

And yes, I saw the covered back tattoo.  If you looked closely you could make out "Suck it, Ashely I." surrounded by dolphins jumping over rainbows.    In high school we used to call a girl like that a "dropped french fry."  Kinda dirty, but you'd still eat it.  

Compare Chris’ body language at the Fairy Princess dinner with his body language at the ensuing CrossFit Jillian dinner.  It’s a study in contrasts.  He was engaged, unguarded, content, and calm with Jade.  She was modest, a good listener, open, unassuming, and sincere.  As far as SGIA is concerned I’d rather be surrounded by those adjectives regardless of the past that preceded them than contrived, insecure, semi-virginal, and self-interested. 

People make mistakes and, unfortunately for anyone who is in her 20’s, those mistakes are often on film or the Internet forever.   My dad used to tell me that it doesn’t matter what mistake you make, it’s what you do to correct it that matters down the road.  I realize I’ll get some push back about my stance here, but I like Jade.  I forgive her for posing nude.  You should too.  It’s ALWAYS the quiet ones that have the biggest secrets, isn’t it? 


Flash back to virginal Ashley I.  She wouldn’t (or couldn't?) let it go.  She dresses up in her princess dress, eats corn by herself, and slams champagne.  Cinderella, my ass.  More like Bitterella.  She needs to get laid. 

Jade earns the rose and a blushy-cheeked Prince Farming takes one step closer to learning about how to deal with her shady past from the ABC PR Department in their first Presser.   

Date Card.   “Nikki, Britt, Jillian, Carly, Becca, Whitney.  Let’s get dirty.”

In yet another hyena moment, the girls are given their own wedding dresses to wear to the date.   Chris reuses his Jade date tux plus or minus a tie choice.  Poor Carly gets to do another obstacle course against Jillian.  At least she didn’t have to drink goat’s milk this week.  Carly, who edged out Kaitlyn with the best lines of the week drops “Jillian should be wearing a tuxedo and not a dress” before alleging that Jillian is concealing a phallus larger than Prince Farming’s under her dress.  That was funny.  That Carly sure can roll the cob, can’t she?  Predictably, Jillian kills it in the race and gets the date.  Chris looked less than happy.    

Date with Chris/Jillian.  Not exactly a cross fit.   

Any date that starts off with “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” is doomed to fail.  What kind of question is that? Look, I won’t belabor what was a painful-to-watch date.  Chris couldn’t get a word in for what seemed like hours and Jillian treated it like another Crossfit workout rather than an opportunity to show Chris that she’s not just a walking Crossfit workout.  It’s a shame, really.  I’m sure there’s a sweet side to her.  Hyper-competitive types are hyper-competitive for a reason.  Whatever she came there to prove got the best of her.  Even when she got dumped she couldn’t accept defeat.  Bad edit?  Maybe.  I suspect that it was an accurate one, though. 

Cocktail party.


Megan hides a blindfold in her bra as she carried her melons around to dip in chocolate and not impress him.  She’s D.U.M.B., but sweet. 

Samantha, who might as well be a blow up doll at this point, listens attentively to Ashley in her Cinderella dress.  Why is she still there?  See that under the radar thing earlier in the blog.  She’s gorgeous too.  That doesn’t hurt.  She’ll be out once the nutjobs get cut loose.    

After all the build up, Ashley I. drops, “Chris, I’m a virgin.” 

His response?  “I never would have seen that coming.”  Classic.  Topped only by Carly’s “her mouth is not a virgin.”  Awesome. 

The best part was when modest Becca showed Ashley the proper way to be a virgin by non-chalantly mentioning that her hymen is also in tact.  Boom.     

So what.   

Let’s get to Britt, shall we?

Britt, Britt, Britt, Britt, Britt, Britt . . . the big game comes down to preparation.  There are some nevers when it comes to The Bachelor franchise.  Any of these are tantamount to starting a land war against Russia in the middle of winter.    

1.       Never badmouth the other women in front of the Bachelor;

2.       Never insult Lil’ Rikki Hendrix;

3.      Never run to the bathroom and cry until the Bachelor has to   come check on you; and

4.    NEVER bust the Bachelor’s balls about kissing the other women.


“Why is that behavior being validated?” is, I believe, the way she put it.  She blew it.  Chris was just too much of an inarticulate, stuttering fool, to tell her. Why can’t he confront a jealous, 100 pound waitress with a chip on her shoulder?  Unbelievable.  

Harrison shows up.  Chris finds his voice and drops the “hit the road if you don’t like it” hammer after Harrison sorts him out. 

Roses

1.     Jade (still in my top 3)
2.     Kaitlyn (still in my top 3)
3.     Whitney (meh, nothing special about her)
4.     Carly (super funny and cool but not his type.  Top 5)
5.     Megan (her and her boobs will be around for a bit longer)
6.     Samantha (I’d like to hear her speak next week)
7.     Mackenzie (she’ll see her daughter soon)
8.     Kelsie (she’ll be a top 5 as this season’s bad guy)
9.     Becca (top 3)
10.  Ashley I. (teary, dramatic departure will see her gone top 5)
11.  Britt (she’s got some ‘splainin’ to do)

Gone:

Jillian (not a good way to go out.  I hope her life is still in tact back home)

Ashley S. (Nuts and she knows it.  I hope she evens out her meds)

Nikki (innocuous and uneventful…just like the Jets she cheered for)

Juelia (It’s not you, it’s me and you need your daughter speech)

Well, there it is.   Some Guy’s top picks are in the game but I’ve been wrong a lot the past couple of ceremonies.  Chime in on Twitter or in the Comments below.  Week five previews portend a Tierra-esque injury and some more crying.  I can’t wait.  In the mean time, if you need me, I’ll be freshening my eye makeup.  DP

 








37 comments:

  1. Classic SGIA post - what a great way to wake up this morning!! I don't think I've ever seen a bunch of women who embarrass themselves more and make me shake my head for all of womanhood. What on earth are we doing to our girls as they grow up that turn them into these unbelievably insecure women? WTA should be one for the books in a few weeks. Thanks for taking the time to write - I always watch wondering what your take on it will be and you never disappoint!!

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  2. Great post- dirty jokes and all! Even I (a make up loving girl) know better than to cake on the fake eyelashes on a camping trip. Sigh. Sometimes these girls kill me. The virgin thing was so over done this week. I know if I were over 30 and the people I was dating kept announcing their virginity I would see warning signs all over the place.

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  3. I agree with Linda....great read with my morning coffee! Thank you! I too find it so hard to believe that these girls don't "get" why these dates are the way they are. Kind of sad, really. My first laugh out loud moment came with this line: "Chris’ sisters seemed nice enough. I liked them when they were known as Wilson Phillips but was glad to see they could still find work". So funny. Then your hyena picture did it. I especially love your recap when it is obvious you really enjoyed the episode. They are always hilarious, but somehow become even better. Thanks so much for taking the time to entertain us with your point of view and wit!

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    1. Good to have someone who knows Wilson Phillips in the mix!

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  4. I am bored enough by this season to wonder if sales of yeast infection medicine went up after the ladies sat all day in their wet bathing suits during the camping trip. And I also thought why doesn't Chris just check on farmersonlycom. They are missing a great opportunity to buy ad space during this season.
    Favorite among many of your witty comments -Bitterella. Love that name for Ashley I! Her reaction to not getting the princess date was priceless.
    Sal in Utah

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    1. Yeast infection medicine? You are bored. You should pitch the farmersonly site to ABC and take a commission.

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  5. Great recap!! Love getting some insight into the male psyche, as well. Ashley I. may be more bratty and high maintenance than that chick that wore the tiara during Prince Lorenzo's season.

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    1. You may be correct about Ashley. It's nice to have my psyche out there for your benefit.

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  6. Loved your male perspective, as always. And I laughed at the Wilson Phillips comments. The list of "nevers" was great. And I see where you are coming from with Jade. I agree with you. Unless she starts showing Ashley I-esqe adjectives.
    ~Cariss

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    1. Who doesn't love Wilson Phillips? Well, me for one.

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  7. Finding it difficult to write about this show anymore. Unless I'm lucky to be first up, all my thoughts seem to be shared by others. Finally got myself dug out of all the snow here in NY and as always, really enjoy your recaps!
    B in NY

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    1. Chime in early next time. It beats shoveling snow. DP

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  8. Some Guy, you absolutely never disappoint but this week's comments which included Wilson Phillips, The Dirty French Fry, hyenas and hymans and Bagger Vance are truly genius! The Dirty French Fry comment made me spit my coffee at my desk so thanks for almost getting me fired. Hilarious!!! Honestly, I can hardly take any more of Ashley I. If she mentions that she is a virgin one more time, I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose it, pun intended. It's awful watching her "kiss" Chris. It's like her mouth is raping his face. I can't even take it. Praying she goes next week. And as soon as Britt started giving Chris the third degree, I knew she was in trouble. Loved your list of "nevers" for this show...spot on, as usual!!! Still like her though and hope she can recover a little bit next week. I agree with your take on Kaitlyn but there's still something about her that I don't like. Can't quite put my finger on it yet but..... she's not one of my favorites.

    Rose in OC

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  9. Love your Bachelor Franchise rules! So damn true. "Never insult Lil Ricki" made me LOL.

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    1. Maybe it will all come full circle and Lil' Rikki will be the Bachelorette one day.

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  10. again, holy hilarious!! i laughed out loud so many times while reading this post. i have to name some:

    - "She actually mixed in the word “love” before disappearing into the darkness like Bigfoot"

    - "She plans on telling him that she’s a virgin who’s never had a boyfriend but apparently opted for what looked like attempted CPR........She might as well have waited until the Superbowl and began texting him her feelings." LOL!!!!! what is that she does when she's kissing????? she is so damn weird, but i love watching her train-wreck happen ever time she opens her mouth!

    - "Jillian napped with her black box at the pool."

    - "Chris’ sisters seemed nice enough. I liked them when they were known as Wilson Phillips." SO FUNNY!! and i love that you called them Chyna, Carly and Wendy the rest of the post.

    -And yes, I saw the covered back tattoo. If you looked closely you could make out "Suck it, Ashely I." surrounded by dolphins jumping over rainbows. In high school we used to call a girl like that a "dropped french fry." Kinda dirty, but you'd still eat it." i saw it too, but have never heard the french fry story - too funny.

    thank you for such entertainment! i was already having a great day and this just made it even better.

    and i agree with rose in OC, i like (ish) kaitlyn, but there is something that doesn't fit.

    ~princi in SF

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    1. I love it when favorites are posted. It's always funny to me to see what sticks and what doesn't. Thanks, DP

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  11. Great post. At first I kept wondering why the dates weren't over the top at fancy locations and/or exotic lands. When you said it was to weed out the girls the light bulb went on and I said "Of course!". Always enjoy your male point of view because it balances things out.
    The line that just cracked me up was about virginity can be cured but stupidity can't. Laugh out loud funny..
    I hope Ashley I leaves soon because I can't take too much more of her virginity talk. Geesh!

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  12. Just getting to sit down and read this - grad school is kicking my ass and second semester has only just begun. Anyway, I love your recap, as always. It makes me feel like I think more like a man than a woman because I agree with so much of what you say. And you know I love you, DP, so I don't know that you could ever write anything I didn't laugh hysterically at. Not in the creepy, Ashley S love kind of way, just the I know I don't know you in real life but I feel like I do sometimes, I also know you're married, I just appreciate anyone who can make me laugh this hard kind of way. Just to clarify so you in all your lawyer-ness don't find me and send me a restraining order. ;) My thoughts on the girls left, in no particular order, except for the first and last...
    Samantha who? Just thought I'd get that out of the way
    Kaitlyn - very cool and I totally understand why Chris likes her, but she just rubs me the wrong way.
    Ashley I - good LORD, girl. I'm a virgin, too. You don't need to tell anyone that unless they ask. Waiting until you've had real time alone with him might have been a good start.
    Carly - precious. will get friend zoned for not enough chemistry because she's pretty but not stunning, and he has stunning in his group.
    Megan - Considering this is the girl that put on a motorcycle helmet and rammed her head into a wall repeatedly (yes I know that Chris didn't see that specific event), I'm legitimately surprised that Chris hasn't seen enough stupid from her to go "I can't put up with this forever" and send her home already. Stupid is as stupid does.
    Kelsey - Shut up and go home if you're that miserable. You haven't spent that much time with Chris so he can't possibly be that worth it. No one is keeping you there.
    Mackenzie - about two steps up from Megan on the bachelorette stupid ladder. too immature and should also be home with her kid.
    Whitney - seems sweet enough, but trying way too hard. honestly probably the closest to how I'd end up acting if I were on this show. she's too intense but gets Chris' touchy-feely sweet side very well. she'll make top 3.
    Jade - if I hadn't already known about her past, she would have been my favorite after this week. and yes, I know I should forgive her past, and it's not that I hold it against her, I just can't buy that a sweet, shy, and quiet girl-next-door from Nebraska would ever pose fully nude for the internet to see. So I just couldn't believe that the Jade we saw was the real one, and thus couldn't get behind her. (You know what I mean, no innuendo intended.)
    Becca - I really like her, she's in my top 3 faves, but she's not sexy and forward enough to be Chris's pick and is too shy, quiet, and a bit dull to ever become the next Bachelorette.
    Britt - oh Britt Britt Britt. I didn't even understand most of what she was saying, blame that on the editing. she tried to make it sound like her confrontation was just her being the chosen spokesperson for a group of the girls, but I don't think anyone believed that that was anything but the every-season "I can't handle the guy I like dating all these other girls" girl panicking and trying not to be possessive by seeking verification that she has a right to be possessive. Every season there is one.

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    1. You should drop out of grad school and start a blog! Nice work.

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  13. I pretty much died at the "dropped french fry" comment. Thanks for that. :) Great recap of the crazy!

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  14. First of all, great title :)

    Second, I am glad you are not judging Jade for her past. I think it's kind of ridiculous to say she's not Bachelor marriage material for posing in some pictures. In my opinion, the Bachelor franchise is not of a higher class than naked playboy pictures. I mean, if we called them "fantasy pictures" would it make it any classier?

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  15. You spell Kelsey's name wrong every week. It's Kelsey

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  16. I pretty much watch the show for the blogs at this point. Thank you for a male perspective this week. Didn't even realize there was a method to the way the dates are designed this season. So much makes sense now :)

    I definitely saw this show more through my female sense. When I saw Ashley I crying over her virginity to Mackenzie (the much younger than Ashley I single mother) I was surprised Mackenzie didn't punch her in the face. That showed a (not surprising) lack of self-awareness and empathy on Ashley I's part and a lot of restraint on Mackenzie's part to just roll her eyes and give her a hug.

    Carly and Kaitlyn are both hilarious, can throw out a lot of one liners and are my two favorites so far this season.. I feel like he might end up choosing one of the quieter ones like Becca or Jade if he can look past the nude pictures though. In my experience, funny girls tend to get friend zoned. Britt equating Chris giving Kaitlyn the rose to meaning that he isn't "looking for wife material" and claiming other women besides her thought that too was really catty. I hope he doesn't take her seriously or believe her that anyone else was saying anything about it.

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  17. Not sure what it says about me that I "Bagger Vanced" like a pack of hyenas on these 3 brilliant & noteworthy tidbits ("dropped french fry", "whole week", and "Junior League women") but I will be dispensing those shock-value nuggets - for no apparent reason - into as many polite future conversations as possible... or at least as many as possible until someone puts a black box over my mouth. Shameful at my age.

    Stellar job again this week, SGIA!

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  18. Even the bees were sick of it! Haha!

    SO grateful that Some Guy is dedicating his time & talent to entertain us! Once again- It's interesting to hear a trustworthy male perspective on not just the unfolding of the current Bachelor season, but also the dynamics of male/female relationships, & the inner workings of men's minds in general. I really look forward to reading this blog every week!

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  19. My bet is that Britt does not shower, she only takes baths. And that is because she is so special.

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  20. Your recap was hysterical! Clearly I have insomnia as it's around 5am my time. This was sooo funny. Adore the male perspective..great insight for us. One of my favorite zingers-and it's dirty of course…" she’s never been banged like a screen door in a hurricane" I spit my hot tea out! Classic! (although, i'm not buying that she needs to be de-virgirnized.) i will have to draft what i think of these lunatics. But of course i am still watching..mainly so I can read recaps and keep up.
    - katherineNOLA

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