Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Bachelor Ben Episode 3: Olivia Toes the Line

You know Mark Twain once said, “To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”  Of course, the same sentiment holds true when discussing marital property, but that’s not important right now.  What IS important is that it’s Week 3 in Ben’s search for the woman who will probably become his conditional fiancĂ© for an indeterminate period of time . . . maybe.  

Hello, Readers.  Welcome back to this week’s installment of my painfully mediocre recap of an even more mediocre show.  Our Bachelor Ben has clearly shown himself to be a decent, thoughtful, and painfully patient guy (so far); however, I think we’d all like to see a little more edginess from our portending prince charming. 

Regardless of his inability to shake things up in the Mansion, the women seemed to enjoy their fair share of drama this week.  Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert) was far from Jubilant; Olivia was a study in Obnoxiousness; and Lace?  Well, Lace Left.  

I’m certain the overwhelming gravitational pull of unlimited, judgment free chardonnay and attention seeking sycophants back in her home town were too much to pass up in light of her poor showing over the past couple of weeks.  More about all of that later, however.  Like Olivia, I’m getting a tad ahead of myself. 

Let’s get to it. 

We begin with the standard drone-filmed reminder that we’re still wallowing in the L.A. cesspool awaiting the time when enough of the dead weight can be chopped like blubber from a beached whale in order to send the real meat across the ocean to an exotic location pre-chosen for it’s stunning vistas, it’s perfect love germination powers, and the finely sharpened S.P.I.N. selling skills of some underpaid and overworked event planner at whatever resort happened to have the sky suite and a case of Harrison’s favorite bourbon available the week he was free to film.  Ahhh, grift.  Sweet grift. 

Now I know I’m delaying getting to the action; however, I’m certain that most of you missed the following statement made in an almost flippant manner by our Bachelor:  

“I’m responsible for the emotions and feelings in this house.” 

SGIA: (sip Lone Star while shaking head) “Dude, don’t put THAT on yourself.”

Mrs. SGIA:  What?  That’s sweet.

SGIA:  There’s nothing sweet about that.  He’s 26.  He doesn’t know any better. That’s like him saying he’s responsible for the relieving the diarrhea and cramping outside of the local Chipotle.  He can’t fix that mess.      

I know we all remember when Juan Pablo left that drunk girl in the sh*tter and went back to his room for a good night’s rest before canning her in her hotel room the next morning.  Hell, that was the only good choice he made all season and it stemmed from the fact that he was over 30 and had tried his hand at drunk girl pacification before.  Ben?  He’s 26 and from Warsaw, Indiana.  He has a lot to learn in that category.   

At the Mansion . . .

Lauren B. and Amanda discuss how Olivia claims to own $40,000 in clothing.  We’d later learn that the great majority of that nut was spent on eye makeup and cankle-hiding garments.  She still looks like Ricky Schroder when she takes off her make up.  And not loveable, hanging out with Jon Voigt in The Champ Ricky Schroder.  She looks more like the edgy NYPD Blue Ricky Schroder. 

I hate my toes and cankles.

Look, Champ.  Olivia has bad toes and cankles.

A cosmetic is a boon to every woman, but a girl’s best friend is still a near-sighted man.  Incidentally, I have a very odd connection to Ricky Schroder.  Remind me to tell that story sometime. 

Harrison glides into the sunken living room in rolled cuffs to briefly wallow amongst the Lululemon spring collection. 

“Big week”—not really

“I feel heaviness in room”—I don’t know why, the heaviest girl in the room is 108 pounds. 

“3 dates: 2 one-on-ones and a group date”—now we’re talking. 

Harrison out and undoubtedly to the ABC Payroll Department to pick up that fat check he just “earned.”  I think we’d all agree that we’d take his job over ours.    

Date Card:  Lauren B.  “The sky’s the limit.  Ben.” I’m telling you, she’s a front runner now.  I’m convinced.  Unless she’s got some deep, dark secret like giant toes or she’s “struggled” to accept that God hates her and gave her cankles, she’s a top 3 finisher. 

Simple is what he’s looking for and she’s very uncomplicated.  Compare her to . . . oh, I don’t know . . . Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert), Lace, Olivia, Amber, or any of the others--save Becca--and she’s margarine next to hard butter.  She’s got a better personality than Becca, she’s likely not a virgin, and she gets to fly for free whenever she wants to.  Done. Deal.    

They take a drive in “his” convertible with no scrunchy thing to hold her hair.  Poor planning, ABC intern.  She’s “so so so so so so excited but it’s also so scary to be with someone you like think you could be totally falling for.”  A grammarian, she’s not.  

She’s been on a lot of planes (she’s a stewardess, remember) but surprisingly she’s never seen a bi-plane.  For crying out loud, she gets to work by walking through airports.  Snoopy drove a bi-plane and so did Super Grover on occasion.  You can’t convince me she’s never seen Peanuts or Sesame Street.   That’s an odd thing to never see.    

I think I see Lauren B. down there.  

I won’t belabor the Jacuzzi in the middle of nowhere date other than to say congrats to the dude who dropped a new one of those off in the field and then a matching one off at Fleiss’s girlfriend’s house.  The word “gratuitous” came to mind, but then again so did “capitalism” and “America.”  

Solid work, Jacuzzi sales guy.  Enjoy blowing that hefty commission check at Outback Steakhouse.  Don’t waste your time with the Bloomin’ Onion.  It’s intentionally huge and overfilling because the profit margin on it is so large.  It’s easier to raise and kill an onion than a cow.  They want you to eat it as an appetizer and order a smaller steak because the food prep costs on the steak are high.  It’s the same reason buffets load the cheap food on the front end and move the expensive to the back.  Don’t play their damn game.  Skip the onion and order the porterhouse. 

After dinner and a rose, Ben and Lauren B. hit a Barn Party.  Lucy Angel—who is basically Olivia with a pop country band behind her --sings a medley of her greatest hit.  This is why people say they hate “country” music.  Lucy Angel?  I suppose Jeffrey Osborn was booked. 

 . . . on the wings of love . . .

Back at the mansion, Caila laments the fact that she’s not been afforded the opportunity to properly identify a bi-plane.  Was it me or do any of you agree that Caila looks a lot more Asian when she’s upset?  She’s a good person but it was clear that she was emotional due to being over tired.  Maybe give her a pacifier and pat her bottom a little after she finishes her milk.  She'll sleep a few hours and then they can worry about getting her back on schedule.  

Date Card:  Amanda, Haley, Jennifer, Shushana, Leah, Amber, Lauren H., Olivia, Jami, Rachel, Lace, and Emily.  “Love is the goal.  Ben.”

Soccer date at L.A. Coliseum.  An alternate colored v-neck is Ben's predictable attire.  There was a sale on multicolored 4 packs of those somewhere near the mansion.  

Sports have always been a big part of his life Ben tells us.  Well, not soccer, but whatever.  Lauren H. tells us that she has “zero ball handling skills.”  The good news is that she still has some time to practice before Fantasy Suite week.   

JoJo and Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert) feel sorry for each other back at the mansion.  Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert) sees herself as “complicated” and Ben as attracted to “simple”.  She’s very perceptive, albeit a huge buzz kill.  She has more issues than she does visible tattoos.

Worst soccer game ever.  The only thing I got out of the standard “Competition Date” was that one of the Haleys has better skin than the other Haley and that Shushana is strong enough to carry Rachel up a flight of stairs. 

What, you didn’t think she was capable?  Shush. 

Ben arrives at the cocktail party in his Fonzie jacket.  Olivia immediately asks for time alone.  Good for her.  Although, her anxiousness is quickly moving toward aggressiveness.  Not a good idea.  

I don’t know why the others can’t figure it out.  Rather than being as assertive as Olivia, Amber, Lace, Jami, and one of the Haleys talk about Olivia’s big toes and simple chronic halitosis.  “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world,” said Marilyn Monroe.  I suppose in Olivia’s case that would be a pair of close-toed shoes. 

Clearly, that entire line of attack was fed to them by whoever had access to the "name three things you don't like about yourself" notes in Olivia’s casting file.  We’ve all seen UnReal, right?  Jami confides in Olivia about the loose talk amongst the others about Olivia’s bad toes and Olivia, clearly shaken (who among us wouldn’t be?), mentions her horrible struggle with . . .give me a second . . . cankles.  Oh, the horror.  

"I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. . . It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror... Horror has a face... and that face is Cankles."  --Col. Kurtz

Amber got the Date Rose for some reason.      

Date Card.  Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert) becomes Jubilant.  Becca and JoJo fail to realize that they’re Benless this week because he wants them around down the road.    

Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert) gets ready for her date and brings down her green canvas army duffle bag just In case the Fat Guy in the leather hat who helped Roz pack her sh*t after she cheated on Jake Pavelka at his own cocktail party had to throw it in the van if the date didn’t work out.  

She’s super nervous to the point of being weird.  Awkward.  The Bachelor-copter trashes the landscaping at the mansion and Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert) offers up her date to the other women in order to avoid her fear of heights.

She’s a little rough around the edges.  Like broken glass on the bottom of a swimming pool rough.

I’ll paraphrase in the interest of brevity.  Lord knows you’ve wasted enough of your employer’s time reading this. 

“Hey, let’s play shuffleboard.”


“My family died, I’m the only one left, and I carry that guilt with me everywhere I go.  It pervades every aspect of my life.  Did I mention I'm honest and I don't sugarcoat anything?” 

Wow.  That was a bomb, was it not?  Clearly (and understandably), Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert), has issues way beyond the scope of Ben’s ability to digest or fix them.  Props to her for putting herself out there, but I think we all know she’ll be taking huge steps backward when Ben sends her home in a week or two.  Bummer.  

For now, she gets the Date Rose and didn’t have to listen to Lucy Angel in order to get it.  That, indeed, calls for a jubilee (either the celebration or the flaming dessert, not the woman).

Then it got a little weird at the mansion.  Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert), cried in the bathroom, Amber tried to make peace, Ben tried to sort it out but regretted it.  

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, Ben.  A wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.  You’re welcome.

Exhausted and confused he sat down in exasperation.  That’s what happens when you try to corral a room full of women in their early 20’s, Ben.  Welcome to the party.  They all grew up being told how special they are and being given a trophy whether they won or lost.  Those spoiled chickens are coming home to roost. 

Ben sighs.  But wait, Lace wants some time to talk.  His expression spoke volumes and so did hers.  “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction,” said Oscar Wilde.  He certainly watches The Bachelor. 

Poor timing, Lace.  Asking Ben to engage in some needy relationship talk at that moment was like asking someone suffering a heart attack if they want to try bacon cheesburger you just made. 

I will, however, give Lace credit for taking responsibility for “working on herself” as her reason for leaving.  Of course, the cynic in me says she knew she was headed for the door if she stuck around for the Rose Ceremony and hightailed it to save whatever face she had left, but I’ll let my more optimistic self win this time.  

Frankly, I respect her more than I did last week.   I’m not sure if any of you caught it but she actually dropped, “like my tattoo says, you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.”  Ben was relieved.  Bullet dodged.  He’d have made the same decision for her in about 10 minutes anyway. 

Harrison shows up.  Ding, ding, ding.    

Rose Ceremony

Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert)
Lauren B. 
Lauren H.
Amanda (one more week without her kids)
The Other Haley
Olivia and her giant, malformed toes and calves


The Other Amber

Well, there it is.  It looks like we’re headed for more crying and a little twin rivalry next week.  Where will the stewardess stand?  Will Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration or the flaming dessert) shank anyone in the ladies’ room?  Will JoJo and Becca get to leave the mansion?  And what color V-necks will Ben wear?  So many questions. 

Enjoy the rest of your week.  Some Guy is off to South Beach for work.  I’ve packed my white belt and my pastel colored sport coats.  I’ll be back next week.  Tweet me @someguyinaustin or comment below.  In the meantime, if you need me I’ll be covering my cankles.  DP

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Bachelor Ben Episode 2: Something Smells a Bit Fishy

Well hello, Readers.  Here we are in week 2 of our favorite waste of time and in case you’re wondering, yes, I (intentionally) missed most of the College Football National Championship game to watch the show.  I suppose that says something either about my affinity for The Bachelor or about my lack of interest in the two teams playing in the final game.  If your team won, congrats.  At least Nick Saban is earning that $60 million dollars he’s getting paid.

We mosied into week two, fresh off what was a relatively innocuous first episode.  Granted, there were the standard “spontaneous” limo exits featuring horse heads, rose hats, and a few terrible plays on words, but overall the show was about as predictable as the L.A. sunrise and about as eventful the morning dew drying on the grass.  While I was mildly entertained, I found the entire episode to be . . . well . . . unlovable. 

Fast forward a week later where I sat on the edge of my chair in breathless anticipation of Episode 2.  Let’s get to it.       

We begin this episode with the predictable Bachelor cornerstones:  expansive vistas, sunny LA skies, a rented sports car, and a not so subtle shot of our Bachelor’s underwear-covered junk being slipped into a pair of jeans after a shower.  

However, some major foundation pieces are conspicuously absent this time around.  We didn’t hear about this being the most (insert provocative adjective) season of The Bachelor ever and Harrison has been especially light on his “he had is heart broken last season but is here to try one more time to find love” chatter.  We haven’t seen Ben jog down a deserted beach and no one’s husband has died . . . yet.  I’d say we’re off to a slow start.  What’s her face should bring that Shetland pony back.      

As the girls kick it around their new digs in the a.m., the first date card arrives.  Jubilee, Lace, Amber, Lauren B., JoJo, Becca, Jackie, and Jennifer draw dreaded First Group Date duty.  If history is any indication (and it was), the First Group Date is usually the most globally humiliating.  Granted, the second Group Date wasn’t far behind, but this one was up there.   

After a brief champale toast in the limo, it’s off to “Bachelor High” to meet Ben for some old fashioned “science experiments.”  Incidentally, I think Ben selected the girls for this date by ranking them from highest to lowest in order of having a stripper’s name. 

Try this with the first three names on the date:

“Gentlemen, ten dollar table dances, this song and this song only, feast your eyes on the middle of the room while one hand clapping against the other makes the perfect sound to welcome our next dancer, (insert name here), to the center stage.” 

Cue up any AC/DC song, throw in a ten dollar Miller Lite, and a three dollar ribeye and you’re at a strip club in Anytown, USA fumbling for a dollar bill and praying you won’t get bilked out of a $100 glass of champagne after tacitly agreeing to some “company” from the aforementioned center-stager.  At least you’ll go home smelling like infant detergent and sparkling with glitter . . . or so I’m told.    

Back to Ben.

Ben meets the denim short, flannel shirt around the waist sporting girls on the steps of a local high school.  He's seemingly embarrassed by what he has been informed is about to happen. 

The girls are given white mall cosmetic salesperson counter-girl coats and forced to compete against each other in a fourth grade science experiment in order to make “Ben’s volcano explode”.  Subtlety is not this show’s strength.

JoJo tells us that she’s “never been this turned on in a high school.”  Of course she hasn’t.  That sort of thing usually occurred behind her high school in the back seat of a Camaro.  Lace tells us she hated school.  I’m sure she did.  It probably didn’t look at her enough or pay enough attention to her. 

I think we all know she’s F-ing crazy.  It got to a point this week where it was almost disturbing to watch.  She’s clearly got some real issues and a reality television show isn’t the proper venue to sort them out (see Padded Room). 

Bobbing for Apples.  Again, far from subtle and also disgusting.  I hope they all got their trenchmouth vaccination shots prior to that event.  Jennifer tells us that Jackie is “not great with her mouth.”  I suppose that’s a matter of opinion and I’d wager that Jackie has an ex-boyfriend or two who may feel differently.  We should give her the benefit of the doubt.  After all, they weren’t bobbing for bananas.  Word has it that’s next week. 

“Find the state of Indiana”.  Granted, Becca is a product of the Louisiana public education system and I can even forgive her for misplacing Indiana a tad bit to the East.  However, confusing Idaho with Oregon and putting Indiana sideways on the map calls for some serious remedial Geography lessons.   Oh, and the fact that putting it there was a team decision is even worse.  Good Lord.  She’s no Magellan. 

Mandi loses her rose hat and takes Amber to the house in a foot race for a Mustang ride with Ben.  Throw in some green slime falling from the sky and I’d have thought I was watching You Can’t Do That On Television. 

Cocktail party. JoJo is hot, he knows it, and she’s a top 3 finisher.  I’d bet on it.  Let’s talk about Lace.

She started out with such promise for the drunk girl who survived the first cocktail party out of the kindness of Ben’s heart, the fact that he hated other girls more than he feared one crazy one, and that the Producers smelled ratings gold.

Last night “I was a little too emotional.” 

Good start.  Go on.

“I had a little too much to drink.”

Ok.  The Germans were a little too aggressive in 1939 too, but continue.

“F*ck these b*tches.  I’m going to talk to Ben again.”   

. . . .aaaannnnd scene.

Becca gets some one-on-one time to play one-on-one and does a good job.  Like I said, she’s pretty, she’s cool, and she’s relatively dull.  The more I see Ben, the more I feel the same way about him.  Dynamic, he’s not. 

Jennifer gets an awkward lean in kiss from Ben because he had to start sometime.  Oh, and we still haven’t found out what her “small business” is, but I hear Ben is trying to get three people below him to move some product so he can earn $5,000.00 a month without ever leaving the mansion.

Olivia with no makeup didn’t look like Olivia with make up.  In fact, she didn’t look like any person I’d ever seen . . . ever.  It was like looking at the barrio with no graffiti.  Amazing.  It’s amazing what a coat of paint can do, isn’t it?  She went from Michelle Pfeiffer to Ricky Schroder in one episode.   

And why can she not close her mouth?  I rewound to make sure she wasn’t on the bobbing for apples date just to be sure she didn’t contract lockjaw.  Regardless, she might want to look into a tetanus shot before that gets any worse.    She looked like the freaking clown at a putt putt round…up until Caila got the date card.  Olivia was none too happy.

Lace, still starved for attention tells us that she’s “not that person” who got drunk and super needy on night one.  First of all, what people really mean when they say, “I’m not that person” is “I can’t believe I’m that person.”  Owning the behavior is the first step toward ensuring it doesn’t happen again.  Lace appeared a long way from owning anything but the string of profanities pouring out of her needy little mouth between sips of chardonnay. 

In another attempt to distance her perceived self from her actual self, Lace begins to speak in third person.  Lace is happy that Ben is holding Lace’s hand.  Granted, he held it because he was likely making sure that hand didn’t have a knife in it, but I won’t steal away her only victory of the evening.  Lace needed to take Lace’s meds and stop Lace from drinking Lace’s white wine in order to avoid the synergistic side effects of mixing the two.    

Jubilee interrupts for some one-on-one with Ben in his plaid Moose Lodge Jacket to tell him that she is an orphan.  Dude, a woman with daddy AND mommy issues.  Run, Ben.

JoJo gets the Date Rose after he talks to her about her “attitude, energy, and bubbliness” and unwittingly rubbed it in the rest of the girls’ faces by teeing it up in front of the group first. 

Mansion.  Caila gets dressed for her big one-on-one date. 

For some reason  Kevin Hart and Ice Cube show up to ridicule them on their date.   What happened to Ice Cube? 25 years ago he was a founding member of N.W.A. and now he’s an angrier Tyler Perry in a Yankee’s cap?  Remember when it was a good day he didn’t have to use his AK?  He’s gone from “F*ck the Police” to hanging out with Peter Brady and Webster on The Bachelor. 

Caila deserves an award for putting up with that nonsense. Ben shows off his Fonzie jacket.  She gets a rose.  She was low key, intriguing, not a child, and relatively articulate.  I think we’d all agree that fireworks didn’t ignite, but they had a nice date.  She’s pretty too.    

“Ben and Caila” sits conspicuously on the theater sign.  They enter to find Amos Lee on guitar.  Half of America had no idea who he is and the other half didn’t care (except for www.ihategreenbeans.com Lincee Ray).   Caila acts like she knows who he is and Ben fights the urge to wrestle Caila’s rose away from her and give it to Amos Lee.  I suppose Jeffrey Osborn was booked.

. . . on the wings of looooove . . . 

Amanda calls home to Facetime her kids.  She’s a top 3 in the looks department but her kids will be her undoing.  She’s not going to stick around waiting her turn to talk to Ben behind nutjobs like Lace and “bartenders” who have no particular place to be for the next 30 days.  As nice as he was to her about her kids, Ben is not interested in inheriting a family.  That is perhaps unfortunate, but understandable nonetheless.   

Knock knock knock.  Date card.  Emily, Shushana, Sam, Olivia, Haley, and Amanda get Group Date 2.

Olivia wears white pants.  Told you.  (Google White Pants Theory).

They set forth for The American Cement Building, which sounds like something you’d find in an Ayn Rand novel.  For some reason, the “Love Lab” is located within the building's confines and it’s fully staffed by a “doctor” and his assistants. 

Samantha uses the word “like” like way too many like times for someone with her education and the twins admit they’re both dumb, which—let’s be honest—is like Carrot Top admitting he has red hair. 

That whole “scientific” exercise was demeaning beginning with the white see through outfits and ending with the smell my hips test.  Olivia “won” and Samantha and her sour-smelling nether regions “lost.”    

Shushana spoke English.  What?  You didn’t think she could speak another language aside from Russian?  


Her name sounds like a Jewish holiday.  "My friend Moise is going to miss school tomorrow because he and his family will be going to the synagogue to celebrate Shushana."

Cocktail party.  Four Seasons.  Hoodie and a sport coat.  Yes.  You read that correctly.  Ben has on a grey hoodie and a grey sport coat.  Oddly enough, the Farmer turned Perpetual Hanger On wore a similar twin set on the after show.  A hoodie and a sport coat?  That’s the black socks and sandals of the hipster generation.  It looks like something that would happen if you were forced to go and check the mail in the middle of winter.  Odd.    

Wine and a toast.  Olivia had her face on and looked great in pink.  She gets to see the Bachelor room.  Samantha melts down.  Many of the women were consumed by emotion, which gave way to irrationality.  The one who keeps her head on straight does the best.  In Brad’s season, that was Emily.  Last night, it was Olivia. 

One of the Haley's leaves with Ben and busts his balls a bit and Ben apologizes to Sam for being honest about the way she smelled below the waist.  

Shushana may be a male order bride.  We should probably make sure her basement-dwelling, glasses-wearing, Star Trek fan of a first husband's bloated corpse isn’t in a deep freeze inside a storage unit in northern Ohio before giving her a rose next week.  Sure, he meant well and probably didn’t deserve the arsenic she put in his donut but she’ll be damned if she’s going to spend another harsh winter in Russia and she’ll do anything to not have to endure two weeks in a tanker’s cargo hold trudging at 15 knots across the ocean again.    

Olivia gets inside the other girl’s heads but eventually gets into her own.  She needs to tap the brakes a bit.  She’s clearly got Ben interested but it’s going to take more than a pair of white pants, a passing score from “Doctor” Love, and the Date Rose in order to run away with the Neil Lane ring.  My prediction is that she’ll become her own worst enemy.  She’s this season’s Icarus.  If she’s lucky, she’ll get a chance to emerge from the ashes.

Speaking of being her own worse enemy.

Lace talks to Ben . . . again.  To say that the conversation didn't go well would be like saying that Pete Best's career as a drummer was slightly inhibited when the Beatles replaced him with Ringo Starr.    

“I have a bold personality.” 

Translation:  I'm boorish and inconsiderate.

“I’m hard to handle.” 

Translation:  No one likes me.

And my personal favorite, “I have a part of me that I’m working on.”  

Translation:  My therapist wants to see me for a very long time. 

Lace becomes . . .well . . . unlaced.  She got a rose because she’s not done being useful to the show, but she clearly needs Dr. Jamie to make a triumphant return.  After all, look at all he did for Brad Womack.    

One of the Haley’s starts to cry.  LB cracks a bit but keeps it together long enough to get a rose and then summarily hand it back to Ben on her way out the door.  Amber starts to  . . . whatever.  Ben gives Lauren B, the stewardess, a picture of the two of them from their first meeting.  I’m telling you, she’s a sleeper.  She’s not the best looking but she’s sweet, unassuming, and easy to talk to.  Like I said, she’s uncomplicated and he likes that.  She’s the tortoise to Olivia’s hare.  She’ll jog right past a sleeping Olivia in a week or two.    

After Ben goes on his reassurance tour we get to the Roses. 

Rose Ceremony.

Amanda (beautiful, but she’ll miss her kids)
Caila (solid showing on the date)
Olivia (gorgeous, but ego driven)
Jubilee (the woman, not the celebration)
Lauren B. (sleeper)
Leah (event planner)
Rachel (quiet week, but still in the hunt)
Lace (Lace needs to tell Lace to relax)
LB “can I talk to you”
Becca (good showing this week)
Jennifer (got a kiss and moved some hand soap down the pyramid)
Emily (One of the Haley’s)
Jamie (did enough)
Laruen H. (did enough)
Shushana (spoke English)
Haley (the other of the Haley’s)
Amber (on her way out soon)


Sam (nice person, but needs to mature)
Mandi (nuts, but she got a tiara as a parting gift)
LB (went home because she wasn’t feeling it)
Jackie (will have to stick to studying old people)

Well, there it is.   Episode 2.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Comment below or twitter me @someguyinaustin.  If you need me, I’ll be smelling my pheromones.  DP