Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Bachelor Chris Episode 3: Come Roll My Cob


Amazing Count 69
Journey Count 16

Hello, Readers.  Welcome to week three of The Bachelor.  Prince Farming continues to sow his oats (or corn) in preparation for the big harvest.  It’s also apparent that loves to lose his shirt in the process.  That’s fine if  he's in shape but not if he looks like this:


WHOOOOO, LIVES IN A MANSION UNDER THE SEA?



The only person more annoyed than me this week was Harrison who stood there barely masking his impatience with the always condescending Jimmy Kimmel as Kimmel took to mocking Harrison’s hosting duties in addition to dropping every predictable sexual innuendo any of us could have written up and placed in his unoriginal “Amazing Jar” before the show.  He even offered to sleep with all of the women and report back to Chris.  That’s the worst bomb he’s laid since Sarah Silverman.   

Kimmel is no Me.  

Let me just get the Kimmel stuff out of the way before it also ruins my recap.  My opinion of Jimmy Kimmel was reinforced last night.  I’ve always seen him as a condescending know-it-all who doesn’t know when a good joke ends.  

He had some good one-liners last night, but he also came across as crass and cliché . . . and far more svelte than our Bachelor.  In his defense, I think he is a legitimate fan of the show.  I just don’t think he belongs on it.  I’m glad that little experiment is over.  I’m sure Harrison is too.  

Let’s recap, shall we?

Harrison feigns excitement and introduces Jimmy Kimmel to the ladies after Jimmy makes a “surprise” wake up call at Chris’s repurposed wood cabin.  Dressed like Jason Statham in The Transporter—now there’s a guy, even to an avowed heterosexual like me, who looks great with his shirt off—Jimmy proceeds to overtly sexually harass the women as they giggle ignorantly like a bunch of school girls.   So much for “taking this seriously.”  Becca drops “super awesome” and Kimmel drops the Date Card. 

“Dear Kaitlyn, you and Chris are about to join an exclusive club . . . “.  Speculation abounds in between everyone except the camera crew dropping “Jimmy Kimmel” into their sentences.

Kaitlyn and Chris hop a limo to Costco after some champagne and they discuss how refreshing it is to have a “normal” day.  Normal.  Right.  I take my limo to Costco all the time.  Please.  Whose chauffeur doesn't know that Sam's Club has better parking and deeper discounts than Costco?  Don't "normal" me, hayseed.      
 
ABC apparently had some promotional favors to deliver on this episode.  I suppose going to Costco beats donning a helmet with a GoPro mounted to it in order to film our contestants being unwittingly forced into addressing their deepest childhood fear or recreating the feat that killed a loved one.  Remember when Jake cried like a p*ssy when he had to bungee jump or when they made Emily jump on a private jet before driving around a NASCAR track?   

Kaitlyn has a flannel Brawny Man paper towel shirt thrown over her little sister’s tube top.  I found it odd that she wore it the entire show but upon further inspection, it was clear that she couldn’t get it off.  Maybe it was a subtle hint at the farmer's tan look in an attempt to attract Chris.  That shirt was so small Jillian couldn’t have worn it for shorts. 

Chris pretends like he’s having fun after Fleiss threatens several of the Hispanic Costco shelf stockers with a call to Immigration and Naturalization unless they enlist their children to push Chris and Kaitlyn around in a blue, giant, rubber ball.  I found that odd.  I’d imagine when Kaitlyn is mentioned in the same sentence as the words Rubber and Ball that the word Blue isn’t even close to it. 

I know, I know.  I’m a hypocrite because that’s something that Kimmel would say.  The difference is that he would say it directly to Kaitlyn’s face in front of millions of viewers.  At least I have the decency to keep it anonymous and online. 

It’s usually at this point in the season that the “Metaphor Date” occurs.  I was waiting for them to squeeze out of that ball head-first and compare it to their relationship being born.  Then I realized that if they did that one of them would have to be the metaphoric after birth and that just wouldn't be a good metaphor.  They head home to grill some steaks.  

Kaitlyn and Chris enjoy a glass of bourbon as they both pretend to enjoy the taste of bourbon.  The word “crazy” gets dropped 100 times as does the word “normal.”  Look, Ashley S. may be able to put those two words together but for the rest of us it’s either crazy or normal.  It can’t be both.  And since when is sitting around a repurposed cabin grilling steaks “crazy”?

Jimmy arrives for dinner and proceeds to ask a bunch of inappropriate questions about Chris sleeping with all of the women in the Fantasy Suite.  Fake laughter abounds as Chris sweats into his whiskey glass.  Kaitlyn virtually guaranteed herself a spot by letting Jimmy know that Chris has a couple free passes if she makes it that far.  She appeared to mean it too. 

I don’t know if that was the whiskey talking or if she knew what he was trying to do.  Regardless, she proved herself to be the best sport in the house.  She earned the Date Rose.  Can you imagine if one of the Ashleys had been on that date?  Kimmel would be picking a pieces of a smashed Waterford whiskey glass out of his skull or he’d have been eye-lashed to death.   

What do you mean, sleep with other women?  

Ashley S. was noticeably quiet this week.  It's incredible what a difference a Xanex, a Lexapro, a Valium, and abstaining from chardonnay makes.  Like our friend Alex in that picture above, she'll be back, I'm afraid.   

Group Date Card.


Becca reads it.  I still think she’s hot, but she’s come across as a bit boring.  More about her later. 

Britt, Jillian, Becca, Trina, Kelsie, Amber, Ashley S., Juelia, Samantha, Nikki, Carly, Tracy.  “Are you ready to meet some real party animals?”

Sigh.  Jillian works out.  Mystery solved.  The reason why she wears so little material around her Hoo-Ha is because she needed the extra luggage space for all of her workout equipment.  Man, I’ve tried to be nice, but she needs a talking to.  The issue clearly goes beyond a hatchet job in the editing booth.  

Kelsie drops “child-sized shorts” on Jillian and I laughed before realizing that there was no other viable way to describe them.  She’s like that old French guy in the Speedo bathing suit that wanders too close to your blanket at the beach.      



By the way, I pray that I'm just like that guy when I reach his age.  Props to him on the matching socks too.  They really tie the outfit together.  


The girls show up for the “Hoedown Throwdown” which consists of being sexually propositioned by Jimmy Kimmel before corn shucking, egg hunting, goat milking, manure shoveling, and pig wrestling.  Honestly, the entire thing is a metaphor for courtship in the Midwest minus a trip to Dairy Queen.   

Carly is apparently allergic to goat milk.   I guess “Goat Milk” was one of the things on the scratch test she took as a child when she went to the allergist.  How else to you find that out?  Her goat milking demonstration was interesting, however. 

Amber drops “salty and warm and not something I like in my mouth” before also referring to the goat milk as “protein.”  Subtle.  They can let that air but can’t show Jillian’s (allegedly) hairy butt cheeks?  Come on.  Selective enforcement of any rule hollows out the rule.    

Carly wins the big race despite Jillian and her (allegedly) hairy ass trying to muscle her out of the pig wrasslin’ contest.  Carly gets a meaningless ribbon from Jimmy Kimmel, and an  American Gothic photo shoot that mocks the farmer and everyone who is not an annoying talk show host from Los Angeles.  Humiliating.      

Cocktail party. 

I’ll cut this one short.  He had his tongue down everyone’s throat but Harrison’s and Mackenzie showed her age by complaining about it.  He kissed more girls than Jillian did arm curls with her rubber band handle thing this week.  He handled the “why are you kissing everyone else too” inquiry like thrown feces from a chimp at the zoo. 

Why is he kissing everyone?  Because he’s The Bachelor, b*tch, and that’s what The Bachelor does.  That’s like asking Piers Morgan why he’s an a-hole or Little Ricki Hendrix why she’s so darn adorable.  Certain things just “are,” Mackenzie.  Granted, you were in 4th grade last season, but do your research.  Your kid must nap a few times a day.   Use the time wisely.    

Mackenzie sufficiently stirs the pot enough to make all of the other rabid chimpanzees upset about the kissing and the telling.  Watching that was like reading The Origin of Species in reverse.

Why is he kissing all of us?  Throw feces at him.
Becca gets the most creative award by leading with her statement necklace instead of her tongue and choosing a memorable chat instead of a sucked face.  She seemed cool, albeit dull, but had quality time.  I still like her down the road, but she might go the same route as the hot teacher.  She got the date rose and didn’t contract mono in the process.  Nice work, Becca. 

Knock Knock. 

“Dear Whitney,  Today is going to be fun…No Whining.” 

To say that this season’s date cards lack the panache of past seasons is like saying Jillian’s shorts lack material.  Either Chris can’t be funny or the ABC intern with the Associates Degree in English Literature from Tallahassee State Junior College in charge of punning them up left for greener pastures.     

Whitney dons a statement necklace and denim vest.  I’ve said this before, she is NOT my type.  I find her stiff and unattractive.  If she was a piece of furniture she’d be the particle board book shelf with the cardboard back I got at Michael's and had all through college. 

Chris introduces us to the Iowa colloquialism “roll the cob,” which apparently means she can fake like she’s adventurous.  I’ll spare you the pain of reliving the fake “wedding crash.”  They should make a movie about two people who crash a wedding . . . oh wait. 

We find out that Whitney keeps her “bouquet stats” and is apparently uninteresting enough to blend into a crowd of strangers.  Run, Chris.  She jumped for that bouquet like Dennis Rodman in the NBA finals.  There’s nothing spontaneous about her.  Pack up your cob and get out of there while you still can.  

We assume ABC paid the caterer the $178 per person cost of the reception plus the open bar fee and 9 bucks for the rose Chris stole from the floral arrangement.  She got the Date Rose.  She’ll be very confused when she’s sent home.   Denial will flow like a river in Egypt. 

Pool Party. 

That apparently means everyone has to retreat to a corner of the mansion to cake on eye makeup before Chris arrives to “impress” them with his cannonballs.   He jumped in the pool and made a splash too. 

Ashley I. laments the fact that she couldn’t do her “Kardashian look”.  Whatever.  It’s almost impossible to not get me started on the Kardashian family once I hear the name.  Let me limit my vitriol to a sentence or two.  First, the whole family makes me sick.  Poor Bruce Jenner.  No wonder he just wants to be left alone to become a woman.  There is not a more vapid bunch of narcissistic, talentless, attention-seeking hacks than that family.  Ashley I. would do better to work on her own identity and stop trying to emulate a family who biggest contribution to our culture is the size of its asses.  They’re basically the Zsa Zsa Gabors and Pia Zadoras of the 21st Century . . . with less to offer.  Moving on.  

Samantha the screen filler and Juelia chat.  Samantha is really pretty, but like the hot teacher, has said all of two words between “of course I wills” this season.  Juelia interrupts the pool party to drop the inevitable suicide chat on Chris.  Look, that’s awful but man, was that a buzz kill.  Also, why should she have to relive that on air?  Uncool . . . all 45 minutes of it. 

Speaking of buzz kills, why doesn’t Chris doesn’t get any Suave commercials like Des did?  Seems a bit sexist to me if you ask.  Even Juan Pablo mixed in a spot or two and that guy can’t even speak English.    

Britt and her messy bun check in for a make out session with a shirtless Chris.    You know, for good measure.  She’s holding it together fairly well, but the cracks are showing.   

Jade.  It’s not time for an SGIA “I told you so” yet, but we got a little closer this week, didn’t we?  Frankly, she was a lot dirtier than I’d pegged her, but I’ll chalk that up to the “test the bed” instruction she and Chris undoubtedly received off camera. 

Her big pick up line?  “We’re all curious about your place.  I haven’t seen your place.”  Place apparently means Genitals in this scenario and We apparently means me and my boobs.  She takes him away in her bikini, coverup, and off white Stilettos.  Note to women:  Nice dudes don’t like giant heels with a swimsuit.  You’re not filming a rap video and you’re not auditioning for the Rockettes.  And Jillian, listen up.  This applies to your shorts too. 

Stilettos and a bikini is the equivalent to a dude showing up in a silk shirt unbuttoned to expose his giant gold medallion and hairy chest.  Subtlety is hotter than a blatant advertisement.  Tasteful trumps tacky every day of the week.  

Ironically, that’s one reason I liked Jade in the first place.  She was confident but not aggressive and she wore a minimal amount of makeup.  Painting yourself up like an Indian going into battle may work in LA or New Jersey but it doesn’t work in Iowa.  More often than not, less is more.  If you want me to hear what you're saying, don't distract me with giant fake eyelashes or shorts tiny enough to double as a belt.  

Poor Jillian is forced to wait in his hot tub as Jade perfectly plays the shy and unassuming card in Chris’s repurposed cabin. Porno music inside, crickets outside.  I’ll give the producers credit for the editing.  Solid work.  I thought they were setting poor Jillian up for some much-needed character rehabilitation in light of the ubiquitous black box around her Hoo-Ha over the last two weeks.  Perhaps they were, but she ruined it.    

Jillian, put down your guard for a second and listen to me.  I mean you well. 

Butchy, aggressive mannerisms, in-your-face comments, and blatant territorial behavior are not attractive to men.  We get it all the time . . . from other men.  Men don’t always have to win and we don’t ever feel the need to compete with a woman physically.  We will also notice a beautiful body even if it’s not fully on display.  That’s how we’re wired.  You don’t need to show the ants where the sugar is.  They find it anyway.  Put a lid that fits on your sugar caddy. 

Also, it’s possible to be athletic, assertive, confident, and attractive without reminding us that you’re athletic, assertive, confident, and attractive.  In fact, we prefer it that way.  And yes, it’s also possible to be feminine without being girly.  Knock off the Crossfit act (or get over it), buy some pants that fit, and BE YOURSELF.   Lecture over.

Ashley I. gets upset.   “It’s a good thing her hymen is in tact,” I said to Mrs. SGIA.  She laughed, but would never admit that she did.  Chris lost another shirt and Ashley I. just about cried herself out of a Rose before almost plunging to her death by making another very odd kissing move.  Must be a virgin thing.    

Rose Ceremony.

1.              Kaitlyn (solid, but still the "funny girl")
2.              Becca (top 3 but losing me.  she had a good week)
3.              Jade (top 3 and gaining steam)
4.              Samantha (still a mystery)
5.              Juelia (he couldn't dump her after that story)
6.              Mackenzie (way too young.  Gone soon)
7.              Kelsie (she'll get a date but will go home soon)
8.              Britt (in a holding pattern.)
9.              Megan (as dumb as she is lucky to still be around)
10.            Carly (solid week.  good personality)
11.            Ashley S. (she needed an off week)
12.            Nikki (another innocuous mute.  it's working)
13.            Jillian (I'm rooting for you.  Rally.)
14.            Ashley I. (nut job.)

Gone Girl.

Tracy—I’m bummed out.  Would have like to have seen some personality.  I thought she was one of the prettiest.  She kept her reputation in tact, though.  That’s best thing for a 4th grade teacher. 

Amber—meh.  She was nice.

Trina—She’s basically Whitney with worse hair and darker roots.  

Well, there it is.  We’re Kimmel-less next week and I couldn’t be happier about that.  We're also getting down to eliminations of some of the not-so-obvious ones, but we still have enough breathing room for a week or so.  It will be nice to see an unencumbered Harrison back at full strength next week as well.  Take care of yourselves.  In the meantime, if you need me I’ll be making out with everyone I see while looking for my shirt.  DP
















 





37 comments:

  1. Great recap as always. I disagree though about Kimmel, I thought he was funny and I liked the bit at the end in the limo. I also just want to note that he's not Jewish - he's italian and has talked about going to catholic school on his show.
    Anyway, MacKenzie and the two Ashleys really have to go. Ashley I. is the worst kisser, it's bizarre. Can't wait to see what brings on the Tierra-like meltdown soon.
    Thanks,
    Makeup-less in NJ

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  2. NJ, we agree about Kimmel. I thought he had some good lines and the limo thing was funny. My point was that he overdid it at times. Dead horse with the sex jokes, for example. Also, I stand corrected on his religion. I suppose it's because I associate him with Sarah Silverman whose act is heavy on the Jewish humor. Thanks for enlightening me and thanks for reading. DP

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  3. Don't know how some of these girls see out of these false eyelashes. And the weird head pieces at the pool party-what is up with those? Jillian is just scary. Ashley I is the most unvirgin acting virgin and stop with the tears! She cries over nothing but I guess alcohol plays a big part in that. I read on several sites that the "let's crash the wedding" was a set up-gee, really? Don't know if I can last a whole season but I will always read your blog to see what I missed.
    Sal in Utah

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  4. Haha!!! Love the Kardashian/Bruce Jenner comment! Spot on, too! Ashely I. is beautiful. She has a spoiled-rich daddy's girl vibe and doesn't need all that makeup. Could never see her on a farm bailing hay. ...and there's no way she is a virgin. Really disappointed Ashley S. didn't bring on the crazy last night. My top favs: Brit, Jade, Samantha and the girl with the short hair.

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    1. Spot on, nicrich. I'm not a big kelsie fan. Too ten year old boyish for my taste but she seems nice.

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  5. Love this line:

    I’d imagine when Kaitlyn is mentioned in the same sentence as the words Rubber and Ball that the word Blue isn’t even close to it.

    I get your point about Jimmy, but I enjoyed watching him. I feel like the show is at it's best when it can make fun of itself a bit. It was also at least something different for the fans as opposed to the typical "lead of faith" date that happens around this time.

    Not sure how I feel about Chris....He has received a lot of criticism. I think he's really out of his element and just doesn't know what to do so ends up kissing everyone. When he gets back home he'll snap out of it. But I'm a Nebraska girl, so I am rooting for him.

    Thanks for recapping for us! Love reading them!

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    1. I think you're right about him being out of his element. It has to be stressful trying to manage all of that and still seem cool or whatever.

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  6. Completely agree about Kimmel - yes, he had a few genuinely funny moments like in the limo, but he definitely crossed the line one too many times. It's one thing for the show to wink at its viewers every now and then, but when it makes such a mockery of itself, it made this viewer question whether it's worth the time at this point. Anyway my current favorites are Becca, Samantha, and Kelsey - basically the girls that still seem classy at this point (probably because they've had very little screen time). Sigh. This season is going downhill fast. But thanks for the hilarious recap! Nearly spit out my coffee at the rabid chimp comparison and accompanying picture!

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    1. I hope your coffee didn't end up in your nose. DP

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  7. I'm kind of surprised you didn't enjoy Kimmel. I thought he made fun of the show well!

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    1. Again, I thought he had his moments. I just thought the sexual innuendos got old.

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  8. "Because he’s The Bachelor, b*tch,"
    That whole paragraph was solid. As was the Kardashian rant and the lectures to the "ladies". And your hypocrisy acknowledgment. Well done, as usual.
    ~Cariss

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    1. ~Cariss, glad to be of service. Thanks for commenting, and thanks even more for using that squiggly thing in front of your name. ~DP

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  9. When you're older...just remember to lose the socks!

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  10. Great recap, DP! I'm glad that Sal in Utah also pointed out the headbands this season. Definitely the new infinity scarf and definitely needs to go! I mean honestly, aside from maybe Britt, Jade, Kelsey, and possibly Becca, do these women even remotely understand what Chris' lifestyle is like back in Iowa?!?!!? There will be NO place for the blingy headbands, the fake eyelashes and the caked on make-up. Ashley I. wanna-be Kardashian is such a joke and wouldn't last one day out there on a farm. But apparently, that's just a minor detail.

    And seriously, how bad are Jillian's lady parts that they must cover them with the black box all the time?!?!? Wait, don't answer that - I don't even want to know! I think your opinion of her is spot on and she just needs to CHILL OUT! But even then, she is not cut out for farm life so I'm not quite sure what she's doing there...maybe in it for the competition and bragging rights, since this seems to be her thing.

    Until next week...!

    Rose in OC

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  11. First.... My husband and I stalk this page every week after Monday night. Well done.

    I have a couple things about this episode that made me crack up...

    1. Mackenzie is convinced she was the FIRST person he kissed. Sorry girl. The fresh tongue was actually served to Britt on night one. You snooze you lose. Think of his kind of like that kissing booth at your high school last year...

    2. The Ashley S. face after Becca got the rose... Perfection. Surprised you didn't mention it.

    3. I live in San Diego. I work in the same small little exclusive town that Becca works in. Becca.... IOWA! She's way too good for him anyways. My guess- SHE is the virgin who ends up in the fantasy suite, not Ashley I. I've been saying it since night one. Ashely I's virginal admission was just a producer trick to throw everyone off.

    4. I may be from San Diego, but I would put my country credentials up against anybody. These girls don't have it. He may have money, but all that glitters is corn and even with money it isn't a glamorous life there in small town Iowa. This "journey" they are on is FAR from real life "ladies" and what you see as "fairytale". If the winner wants a crash course in living country though, I am available for lessons. We will start with moving hogs in the morning, castrating hogs in the afternoon and butchering a hog in the evening, after the flies die down a bit. Driving a grain truck will be between and be sure to still have meals on the table. Morning, noon, and night. Strip down outside, cause you don't take hog crap into the house, and head straight to the shower and then clean it afterwards and go to bed and repeat. Bonus points if you eat a hamburger while delivering hogs in the middle of a heat wave. It's not bad as long as you keep your hands straight. Trust me.

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    1. Oh my. I think this should have been in the welcome packet! DP

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    2. I now work in PR and was in media so maybe I will apply next season to assemble those welcome packets... I will include diagrams of appropriate short lengths, butt coverage, and mascara use. I will also include more mixology infographics from Pinterest to keep more people drinking and honest. I missed the healthy doses of truth serum this week.

      AM in San Diego

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  12. DP! Great recap once again! I agree with your Kimmel assessment as wells as, well everything.
    You know, it would be the 'Most Dramatic Season' ever if Jillian turned out to be a dude and that's what the black box is hiding. She's just scary.

    Paula in Sacramento

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    1. That's IT! She's a man. She's either a Crying Game Man or a Disgustingly Hairy Assed Woman. Hope she's glad she went on the show and wore her child-shorts! Some Guy, I really liked your friendly advice to the poor thing.

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  13. Ahhhh, SGIA... Your recaps are like Forrest Gump's chocolate box: You never know what you'll get.

    But, 100% of the time they will always have many layers and flavors, as well as something to be anticipated & savored. Examples: The Sarah Silverman and Basic Instinct references along with the mention of the Origin of the Species, Little Ricki Hendrix, Pia Zadora, and the Suave commercials. Maybe that's one advantage to being one of your more mature readers? I "get" the "story behind the story" of all your imagery & comparisons without wondering, "Hmmmm, now WHO is that?" or "What does that mean?" Even got your Nile River joke. ;-)

    It's always entertaining for me to read your point of view from a male's perspective (the Big Butt Kardashians, FMPs with a bikini, and your advice to Jillian). In any event, what I'm trying to tell you is that I enjoy the hell out of your recaps!

    Thank you! :-D

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    1. Debbie in Texas, very observant of you. I write what's in my head. Sounds like you're in the same place. I even got your "FMP" reference. Nice work. DP

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  14. Can we talk about the God-awful girly laugh? Make it stop!!!!! We need Andi's "Staaap" every time that uncomfortable, bizarre sound comes out of our dear awkward bachelor's mouth. The whole steak dinner date was full of forced, fake laughter. Loved the part you wrote about pretending to like bourbon. Look at Kaitlyn! She's a guy's gal! She likes bourbon and flannel and being normal!
    As an aside, Some Guy, you have a great vocabulary. Examples: colloquialism and vitriol. Nice!

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    1. Fantastic point. He laughs like a sorority girl. DP

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  15. Pink lipstick is also a "must have" accessory this season!

    As a faithful reader, I really enjoy your snarkiness.

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  16. Enjoyed this recap greatly. My favorite line was "Because he’s The Bachelor, b*tch, and that’s what The Bachelor does." Exactly what I was thinking! That little girl is way too young for this show. I am a Jimmy Kimmel fan and I did like most of his appearance. I am not a Chris Harrison fan. That guy has been phoning it in for awhile now. I kind of wonder what they are even paying him for. (I'm sorry- I have tried to like him....) Anyway thanks for the laughs!

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  17. Love the recap as always, SGIA! I and elementary school teachers across the country breathed a sigh of relief when genuine, sweet, normal (seeming at least) fourth grade teacher was eliminated before she could be humiliated/shown in the worst posssible light!

    ChrisP the elementary school librarian

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    1. Agreed. Bad judgment would have caught up to her sooner than later. DP

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  18. Excellent work, per usual, my friend. The comparison of Whitney to a cheap bookshelf you got a Michael's was spot on. I found it interesting, though, that you hated Kimmel's change of pace so much. Sure, his shtick would undoubtedly get old after, oh, I don't know, two episodes, but I thought it worked this time. It's only fair that "The Bachelor" should have to endure a little honest ribbing to go along with his endless supply of excursions, alcohol, make-out, and (eventually) sweet love-making sessions, right? I think what we have here is a classic case of two dudes just being too similar to get along. Two bros that just want to poke a little fun at the circus that is "The Bachelor." Don't get all territorial on us, now, SGIA. But seriously, here's to hoping that Ashley S's caretakers can finally bring her home next week.

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  19. Great recap as always! Can't believe you didn't comment on the forehead headband as the accessory of the season. Never a good look on anyone. And what was up w/the conversation w/the 2 Ashley's and Mackenzie while spying on the hot tub? Blond Ashley says she has to look good to get a rose (but actually looks like she went to church on Ash Wednesday - what was up w/her forehead shadow?), asks how she looks and eyelashes Ashley says 'not cracky?' And bless her, Mack says 'what, like a crack whore...?' She needs to be sent home to finish Jr. High!
    Dixie in MS

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  20. Some thoughts about the episode I just watched (Monday night, 1/26/15):
    1. Eliminating the crazy Ashley from the show was a disappointment. She was the most entertaining person on the show.
    2. Chris (the bachelor) laughs like a donkey and has a very high pitched voice for a guy. Also, he gets tongue tied easily and has no wit. He has not said or done one funny thing the entire season. Also, it is a little bit gross how non-selective he is on who he kisses. The winner of this show is going to watch the season and get pissed that he is kissing so many girls.
    3. The Ashley that looks like a Kardashian wanted Chris to be impressed by her virgin status. When he didn't jump up and down when she told him, she felt humiliated, as she should.
    4. Britt always seems to be sitting on another girl's lap or clinging to another girl on the couch like a lesbian. She reminds me of Tiffany Thiesson (sp?) from 90210. Didn't I read that Britt auditioned for the remake of that show? She is pretty and might do well as a soap opera actress.
    5. Whitney sounds like one of the little people (that show on TLC). She might be able to pursue work as a cartoon voice actress. She seemed sincere and thrilled to be on the show to meet Chris exclusively, so I think that's why he likes her. She says all the right things and oozes of sincerity. Enough for the voice to be overlooked. And the gnarly teeth, long cranium, and long nose, and damaged blonde hair.

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  21. Getting caught up on your recaps and I love the snarkiness! YES! keep it coming…..
    -KatherineNOLA

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