Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Kaitlyn Episode 7: My Irish Thighs are Smiling


Hello, Readers.  Wow.  We have a lot to discuss, don’t we?  In many ways I’m thrilled that I did not have time to write until well after the Kaitlyn’s “I Refuse to Be Slut Shamed” media tour that was in full effect on Tuesday morning.

Dear Kaitlyn,

Rule 1 in the “How Not to Be Slut Shamed Treatise” is likely “Don’t sleep with someone on a prime time national television show while 8 other guys that you’re dating are simultaneously crying into their beers about their feelings for you.” 

Rule 2?  “Leave your hot mic on the coffee table before dragging  Nick and your whiskey-clouded judgment into the bedroom. 

Rule 3?  “Keep your legs crossed long enough for the camera crew and the fat guy with the boom mic to exit your private hotel suite.”

Rule 4?  “Don’t drink whiskey while you’re in heat.”

You’re welcome.  Love, Some Guy in Austin

Double standard or not, I think we’d all agree that she’s getting a bit of well-deserved criticism.  Imagine how much fun I would have had if she’d worn the white jeans on that date. 

Back to San Antonio. 

Man, I can’t stand this cliff hanger thing.  It’s such a non-sequitur from the softly lit lead-in with sweeping views of the mansion and Harrison’s “Tonight . . . on The Bachelorette” that allows us to settle in to our favorite spot on the couch in order to watch the carnage.  

It’s like waking up drunk in a strange place with last night’s clothes stuck to your body and trying to piece the previous evening’s events together while simultaneously praying your keys are still in your pocket.  

My birds left my elbows.  

At least they have the courtesy to rehash the essential details for us.  “Oh yea.  Ian was getting ready to put her and her bathroom sense of humor in their place,” I said aloud. 


Incidentally, remind me to tell y’all the story when the off season rolls around about me scaling down the side of a three-story building hungover and in last night’s clothes in order to escape a guy twice my size when I was in college.     

Nick and his pretentious bowtie are “concerned” that Ian is going to be mean to Kaitlyn. 

Nick-tionary:  con·cerned (pronounced “kənˈsərnd”) Hopeful that whatever Ian says leaves her vulnerable enough for me to swoop in and get in her Canadian pants.  See also, opportunist, manipulator, and slimebag.  

Alright.  The Ian thing. 

I think we all had mixed feelings when watching this guy go off on Kaitlyn and her artificially tumescent and permanently puckered lips.  I won’t rehash the litany of things that Ian believed made Kaitlyn a peasant beneath his royal feet.  Let me go on the record as saying that I personally don’t give a sh*t about any Ivy League school or any learning institution with the word “academy” in it.  Ian demonstrated why. 

The arrogance, elitism, and, frankly, delusion dripping from his rapidly receding hairline were nauseating to hear.  Well, they would have been had I not been giggling like Kaitlyn after hearing a fart joke when he was itemizing his list of complaints about 6 inches from her flabbergasted face.  If you listened closely enough, it was in alphabetical order. 

My lip implants are totally deep.


Ian punctuates the entire thing by calling her a “surface level” person. In hindsight, that was pretty accurate.  After all, in a matter of hours she’d be level on the surface of her mattress with Nick on top of her. 

Most people are too polite to be honest.  Ian, on the other hand, was too honest to be polite.  The only thing deep about him at that moment was the pile of sh*t he'd gotten himself into with Kaitlyn.  He’s done.    

Fake Gosling worries a little but unfortunately not enough to beat Nick to the lobby couch with his metaphorical dustpan and broom in hand to sweep up the shards of emotional glass around Kaitlyn’s delicate psyche thereby laying (no pun intended) the groundwork for sweeping away her delicate unmentionables after priming the pump with some fermented rye later in the week.   I’ll give the guy credit.  He was efficient and focused.  Say what you want about the goal, he knew what he was doing.   

By the way, as further evidence that neither Princeton nor Deerfield Academy made a bit of difference beyond giving Ian a falsely inflated view of himself in comparison to the rest of the serfs on the estate let’s explore how Ian plans to enlighten us all. 

He’s “so deep” and “so intellectual” that his biggest desire is . . .

a.  to use his innumerable gifts to travel to the U.N. and speak about the horrors of inequality;

b.  to open a rehab facility in his home town in order to intellectually and physically rehabilitate victims of horrific accidents like the one he suffered;

c.  to become a monk like the Dali Lama in order to enlighten us all with the wisdom espoused by Princeton professors that would otherwise be unavailable to the proletariat population; or

d.  sign up for the exact same position he just obliterated Kaitlyn for choosing.

If you answered “d”, you’re not surprised.  What an idiot. He wants to be The Bachelor? Apparently, they don’t read Goethe or Marlowe in his fancy schools.  Fleiss would make a perfect Mephistopheles, tempting Ian to forgo his divine knowledge in exchange for poontanging around the mansion with 25 nubile,  semi-inebriateed, attention-hungry, surface-level hotties who can't recognize deep intellect vying for his attention.

Frankly, that sounds more fun than reading Goethe and it certainly sounds like more fun than going to Princeton.  Good luck securing that gig, Ian.  And good luck with your intellectual super powers.  You’ll marry a woman as humorless and conceited as yourself.  

Oh, and if you’re so averse to fart and poop jokes, please steer clear of William Shakespeare, Geoffrey Chaucer, James Joyce, W. H. Auden, Jon Kennedy Toole, and Phillip Roth.  I realize that list is woefully incomplete.  I went to the surface level University of Texas and not Princeton. 
     
Nick, Ben H., and Fake Gosling have roses.  Fake Gosling finally gets the courage to go talk to Kaitlyn but is repelled when he walks in on a Nick make out session.  That sucks.  Literally.  

Kaitlyn broods in the upper lounge as the ABC Editing Team begins to set up the impending bang.  “Intimacy” is an important part of a relationship she tells us.  Presumably, by “relationship” she meant “first date.”  

Kaitlyn shows up in the lobby to discuss the Ian Incident with the rest of the dudes.  Gasp!  He was honest with you?  That son of a . . . !
  
Harrison shows up on cue in purple and pink with champagne flute and butter knife in hand.  It’s elimination time.     

With the understanding that the vast majority of my readership is not from Texas I will limit my comments on the wisdom of having a rose ceremony on the front steps of The Alamo. 

First, it was not “Texas’ Last Stand.” Open a book.  Second, The Alamo is actually a tomb.  The bones of several of the fighters who died there are literally buried in the floor of the building with a plaque marking the actual spot where they were discovered.   Pick any memorial and ask yourself if a reality show rose ceremony would be appropriate in front of it.  Lastly, I was glad to hear Harrison at least acknowledge that it’s an important place for those of us from Texas.  For the record, the shot looked great.   

Rose Ceremony. 

Kaitlyn tries to sound deep and intellectual.  She doesn’t. 

Nick
Ben H.
Fake Gosling
Jared
Chris the Dentist
J.J. (how is this guy still around)
Joe Dirt (still my favorite)
Ben Z. (he’s petered out over the last 2 episodes)
Tanner (too normal for her)

Gone

Ian (he took a surface level flight home)
Justin
Joshua (Still Nick obsessed and he should have fixed his haircut)

We’re headed to Dublin, Ireland.  Shhh, don’t tell Joshua.  He’s crying in Alamo Plaza.  Fix your hair, dude.     

Kaitlyn arrives in Ireland and wanders around in her infinity scarf while her predictable voice over christens Ireland as yet another “perfect place to fall in love.” She uses the term “Bucket List,” twice.  Sigh, so surface level.  She’s searching for the luck of the Irish . . . or  more likely something that rhymes with “luck.”     

Joe Dirt takes a break from the fleece zip-up hoodie party the guys are having to tell us that there are a couple guys Kaitlyn is ready to “go a lot further with.” Again, props to the guy in the editing booth who put that little gem together.    

Kaitlyn shows up and in front of the 8 remaining dudes announces that she’s going on a one-on-one date with Nick.  So much for “caring about everyone’s feelings.”  Fake Gosling begins to crack like the Liberty Bell and Tanner starts to accept the unfortunate fact that he’s boring. 

In the meantime, Nick puts on the tightest green pants he can find and compliments them with a Member’s Only leather jacket.  He announces, “it looks like I just got lucky in Dublin.”  Well, not yet, Nick.  Patience is a virtue.   It’s also a good name for a stripper, but that’s neither here nor there. 

She and Nick walk together in the park and Kaitlyn again makes us wonder why she has birds tattooed on her arms when she’s apparently terrified of them.  Well, she’s terrified of pigeons anyway.  We’d later learn that she was perfectly fine with cocks. 

Allow me to Cock-a-doodle-Do You


In this season’s version of the mocking the local culture date, Nick and Kaitlyn fake Riverdance in the park before going trinket shopping and reliving Arie’s famous sucking face in a urine-soaked alley move.  It was at this point it became abundantly clear to us all that the Kaitlyn pump had been primed.  It was-in a word-ON.    

And what better place to have dinner for two people well on their way to violating every rule in Genesis through Revelations than an ornate Catholic Church?  Now I know why they didn’t use the Alamo for the Rose Ceremony:  that wouldn’t have been disrespectful enough.    

To be fair, Nick was respectful enough to wear his Elks Lodge plaid jacket and had the courtesy to leave his antler hat outside.  Kaitlyn dressed for easy access and an anticipated leg wrap/hug and kiss move.  Jillian used to do that too.   Must be a Canadian thing.

This is a Canadian Mating Signal

After continuously fondling one another for the better part of the evening Kaitlyn lets Nick know he’s going to get the Date Rose . . . for starters.  

Good Lord.  The way his hands were moving he might was well have been juggling.  Ignoring the fact that there is no Forego the Foreplay card tucked into an envelope with the Get Out of Judgment Free Card signed by Chris Harrison, Kaitlyn invites Nick back to her room.  I believe they call that behavior “Flagging” or “Presenting” in the animal kingdom.  Nick predictably agrees.   

The remaining dudes sit around, oblivious to Nick’s cherry picking, and do some math in the living room.  Knock knock.

Group Date Card a/k/a The Sloppy Seconds Date

Tanner, Ben Z., Fake Gosling, Jared, Ben H., and Chris.   

J.J. and Joe Dirt get 2 on 1 date. 

Again, brilliant editing of Jared and Fake Gosling’s emotion-filled chat over their concerns about Kaitlyn’s well-being while Nick simultaneously closed the deal.   How do you think that little vignette is going to play on the Men Tell All?    

Nick and Kaitlyn retire to the bedroom after starting their engines on the couch.  In the absence of anything to film, the camera crew resorts to capturing various phallic symbols around the property as the sound guy giggles his headphones off.  From the sound of things, it was apparent that Nick got a good look at Kaitlyn’s surface level.   

In case I haven’t already, let me be clear.  If Kaitlyn wants to get hammered like used sheet metal in a junkyard by a guy she barely knows—or any other guy for that matter—that’s her 29-year old prerogative.  My problem is not with the flippant coitus.  

The bigger issue is her glaring lack of consideration for the feelings of the other guys kicking it stoically around the suite matched only by her even more glaring lack of consideration for her own self-respect.  

Turning the little black button on the battery pack attached to the microphone in her underwear to the “off” position before tossing it on the floor and respectfully asking the camera crew to leave the room before throwing her hoo ha at Nick at light speed would have at least provided her deniability. 

Had she done either of those things what happened with Nick would have been impossible to prove—which leads me to my next point.

Let’s not give her too much credit for being “honest” about The Big Bang.

Speaking of Stoic men, Marcus Aurelius wrote, “of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself?  What is its nature?”  Put another way, it’s not being “honest” if you have no way of lying about it, Kaitlyn.    

Marcus Aurelius also wrote, “we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”  Apparently, that’s not always true.  I’ll give her credit for owning the behavior. 

Still without anything to film, the crew creatively captures the birds and bees bustling around the freshly hatched morning of regret.  Through a fog of post-whiskey over indulgence, Kaitlyn fakes like she regrets anything but her hangover on her balcony.  She thinks a lot about Nick (or something that rhymes with Nick).    

Nick walks in the garden in last night’s clothes amongst the neatly trimmed bushes while undoubtedly thinking about one other neatly trimmed bush he’d recently seen. 

Nick recounts the rated G version of his date to Joe Dirt (I like him) letting him know they stayed up really late and “talked” and Joe responds,  “the same thing happened to Shawn.”  Well, not really the SAME thing, but still. 

Nick-tionary:  talk (pronounced “tôk”) To get lucky in Ireland.  See also bang, pork, and do.  

Group Date.  Enough false regret over the intentionally planned sex encounter with Nick.  After all, Kaitlyn has a date to get ready for.  She washes the Nick off of her.

Harrison—not one to pass on a kickass free trip-shows up and lets the dudes know they are there for a traditional Irish wake.  “What are they burying, her dignity?” I asked between Lone Star sips.  

Kaitlyn takes her place lying down in a coffin so the guys can bid her farewell.  That was the second time in less than 12 hours that she spent a date lying on her back.  For her sake I hope it wasn’t also the second time in less than 12 hours that someone thought she was acting like a corpse.    

I’ll spare all of us a second look at the spontaneous toasts.  That date was really mean to Ben Z. who held it together nicely in spite of the fact that his mother recently passed away.   

Guinness Brewery for the big cocktail party. 

Little disclosed fact:  Some Guy likes Guinness more than he likes Lone Star.  You read that correctly.  It’s like drinking a Snickers bar.   

Mount St. Shawn starts to swell, well on its way to a full blown eruption.  Was is just me or did any of you also get the feeling that he either knew something that wasn’t disclosed or that the footage was taken out of chronological order?  If I’m wrong on both guesses, that volcano is going to make Mount St. Helens look like a pimple when he finds out that Nick has already taken a trip down into the San Andreas Fault. 



Wow.  Necrophilia jokes and geologically based sexual innuendos inside of 5 paragraphs.  Sometimes I amaze myself.   

SGIA Dictionary:  Innuendo (pronounced “in-you-end-oh”) An Italian suppository. 

Date Rose.  Jared gets the Date Rose in spite of Fake Gosling’s crying and Ben Z.’s heartfelt toast.    

Not satisfied with thumbing her nose at the Alamo and the Catholic Church in one episode, Kaitlyn takes Jared to see The Cranberries perform in another church.  The Cranberries?  I guess Jeffrey Osborn didn’t want to make the trip.     

And again, like a Cormac McCarthy novel, the episode ends with more questions than were answered.  We’ll have to wait and see if J.J. can outwit Joe Dirt on the two-on-one date next week.  Frankly, whoever gets sent home is the winner if you ask me. 

Brady and Britt update.  She loves the duplicity implied by wearing a wool hat with a sundress and Brady is still wearing his black Bieber jeans when he meets mom.  They may be made for each other. 

Well, there it is.  Stay tuned next week as the fallout of the Big Bang continues to unfold.  Enjoy the rest of your week.  In the meantime, if you need me I’ll be shopping for some tight green khakis and some whiskey.  DP













  

39 comments:

  1. Ian was half right, the half about Kaitlyn. I can't imagine any self respecting girl giving him the time of day after his display in the limo and interviews. And while we're at it, can we stop calling her night with Nick a "mistake", it was a choice.

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    1. Semantics, Kathy. She did what she did. Judgment would follow even if she didn't consider the choice a mistake. On the grand scale--provided she didn't conceive--we all have other things to worry about. You're right about Ian. Not his best moment either. DP

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    2. We can agree to disagree, or as I tell my husband, "You are entitled to your wrong opinion." ;) Both she and Nick knew going in what it would entail...microphones, cameras and producers wanting good ratings. Her decision to invite Nick into her bedroom was disrespectful to the other men who were there, and contradictory to her assertion that she was there to find her husband. I am all for scratching an itch- my husband has been in India for a month on business - but, at some point you need to grow up and realize what is really important, her words and actions did not align.

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  2. Loved your letter to Kaitlyn with the rules. That was awesome!
    Yeah, it was wrong the way Ian handled his talk with Kaitlyn, but we all agree everything he said about her was 100% true.
    When I saw the rose ceremony taking place at the Alamo I could not believe my eyes. The worst part is that ABC was able to get permission for it. WTH?
    Did Shawn get to third base with Kaitlyn in San Antonio and that is why he was so upset at the brewery? During his meltdown he said she had taken him to her room and "spent" 7 hours together.
    This show has jumped the shark, it has to be the worst season ever. Bad choice for a Bachelorette. By the way, I hate her duck lips and how she keeps puckering to show them off. Hey Kaitlyn, they look awful.
    I had been waiting for this recap because I had a feeling it was going to be a good one. You have surpassed my expectations. Bravo!

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    1. I'll ignore the fact that you're easy to please and say "thank you." Always good to see you in the comment section DP

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  3. I think you've outdone yourself. That was incredibly funny.
    The wake was really one of the dumbest dates ever and possibly worse than inflicting sex ed on young children. I'm still thinking on that one. Ben Z's mother died when he was 14, so not so recently. Not that it excuses the producers from putting him on a date that they were probably hoping would bring an emotional response.

    As for Kaitlyn-- Not much left to the imagination there. Did you hear Shawn say he'd spent 6-7 hours in her room previously? I wonder why the viewers weren't shown any of that alone time. Did they "talk" the way Nick and Kaitlyn spent their time "talking?" J

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    1. yea, who knows. I thought he was a little over the top. DP

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  4. GAH!!! DP, I almost can't get through this... I honestly wanted to turn it off when ABC forced us to become voyeurs as we had to listen to Kaitlyn and Nick in her bedroom. At what point do they draw the line?!?!? The second that door closed, the camera crew and sound guy should have walked out. Wrong on so many levels...

    Ian's meltdown was classic but I agree with Liana above. He didn't have to be such a pompous ass but his estimation of her was spot on. As they say, it's all in the delivery. And, he's clearly delusional if he thinks he's going to be the next Bachelor.

    Poor Shawn...did you catch the part where he was talking to the producer but was still miked up and he said "She told me I was the one when I was in her room for 6 hours the other night..." or something to that effect. I do think a LOT of this was shown out of sequence and it threw me off. Another example is during one of her camera interviews, she was wearing her purple dress that she wore during the last rose ceremony but was talking about the group date that supposedly took place the next day. Did anyone else catch that?!? Definitely out of sequence.

    On a positive note, you always make me laugh and my favorite from this week's blog is:

    "She and Nick walk together in the park and Kaitlyn again makes us wonder why she has birds tattooed on her arms when she’s apparently terrified of them. Well, she’s terrified of pigeons anyway. We’d later learn that she was perfectly fine with cocks." That's some good stuff right there, DP! :)

    I hate this new format with having the rose ceremony's start off the new episode but I guess it's a clever way to keep us hanging and ensure that we will watch next week. I'm hoping JJ goes home next week and hoping that Shawn doesn't self-implode when he finds out about Nick. Don't know how she's going to recover from that but it will be interesting to watch!!!

    Rose in OC



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    1. Well, at least one reader wasn't offended by my rooster joke. That's comforting. DP

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  5. Ian is a tool, no doubt, but he was correct about Kaitlyn's shallowness. He could have been even more on the nose had he lambasted her about the overwhelming stupidity and humiliation involved in all of Kaitlyn's stupid group dates. Boxing, Sumo wrestling, sex-ed with 10 year olds??? That would have been a knockout blow had he gone there. Then again, maybe he did and it was edited out.

    You said exactly what I was thinking about the microphones in the bedroom. The violation of that bit of common sense makes me wonder if it wasn't just planned the whole time. Maybe Kaitlyn got a bigger payout from Mike Fleiss for being willing to openly knock boots with Nick- who I think she already had a relationship with before the show even started. The biq question now is who of the other guys actually has enough pride to walk away? Or does Kaitlyn try to keep it a secret and not tell them?

    By the way, would anyone like to speculate how much money the Bachelor/Bachelorette gets paid to take part in this charade?

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    1. It was an interesting episode. Frankly, I've never seen anyone fumble the ball on her own season like she has. Should be an interesting finale. DP

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  6. I enjoyed the cockadoodledoo joke, too. Plus the very bizarre picture of the woman falling out of bed! How did you stumble upon that gem?
    I'm almost feeling sad about this show. What used to be an enjoyable little escape has become purely embarrassing smut. I'm no ivy-leaguer but the entire feeling of the show is banal and ridiculous! I think the closed door sex sounds put me over the edge. I am truly only watching out of habit and so I know what you, Some Guy, and Lincee are talking about!

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    1. Two endorsements for the Rooster joke. Solid. Hang in there and keep watching. For all else it is, it is still a good Monday night escape! DP

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  7. Where do I start? This was so bad on so many levels with the inappropriate venues to the "spontaneous" Nick and Kaitlyn show. She's old enough so that didn't bother me but it so obvious a set up to cause more drama cause on no other season did we have a camera waiting for somebody to come out of a room or a convenient microphone to hear stuff better left between two consenting adults. And the balcony scene the next morning! What a crock -own up to it if you are that dumb to not reign in your hormones and wait for the fantasy suite nights. I think some of this is toying with us as usual and the editing makes it seem like Nick spent the night but wouldn't the other guys notice that? So no telling what will happen next week which looks like all the guys who aren't Nick completely fall apart. Love your Nick-tionary.
    Sal in Utah

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    1. Sal, thanks for the Nick-tionary endorsement. We shall see how the big bang is tied together next week. I'd imagine at least one guy is going to hit the road. DP

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  8. Patience is a virtue. It is also a good name for a stripper. Outstanding. I am so glad you do a recap for this show. They always make me laugh and not smirk laugh but full out laugh. You have no idea how much it is appreciated. Please keep it up. I send you many glorious days of sunshine.

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    1. Thank you, Shashya Marie. I need some glorious days of sunshine. DP

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  9. SG, you are priceless... I actually started to take notes but when I started on another post-it (a large one not the 1 incher), I decided I had to stop taking notes and just enjoy. But, I must say I loved the photo and caption of "my birds left my elbows", the reference about Nick getting her "level on the surface", the rooster joke, the Nick-tionaries, especially "innuendo", and, I cannot leave out, "flippant coitus", which made me immediately think of The Big Bang Theory and yet, also, an appropriate description of their night. Thank you for always delivering. I must echo an earlier responder in saying I have gotten pulled back in to this train wreck because of yours and Lincee's blogs. You (and she) are gems.

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    1. Notes? Ever heard of cut and paste? I suppose 3M is glad you're still using their pads. Thanks for the shout outs on the jokes. It's always fun to see what works and what doesn't. Incidentally, I've never seen one episode of the Big Bang Theory, but it sounds like someone stole my material. DP

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  10. SGIA, I'm not sure which of your write-ups are better: Those done while you're "edgy" (last 2 weeks) or those done while you aren't, such as this week. I was ROTFL at many things this week so I guess I'll go with the latter, even though I didn't go to an "academy." I loved the rhymes, advice to Kaitlyn, philosophical quotes, geological innuendos, bird references, etc. I think I watch this ridiculousness just to read you and Lincee's blogs. Anyhoo....

    I'm surprised no one noticed the brilliant juxtapositions done by the editing crew before and after Kaitlyn and NIck's entrance to the mid-season fantasy suite. The scenes were spliced between the still-on underwear mike and the "deep" discussion between chin-guy and Gosling. It sent something like this:

    "Nobody knows what Catlyn’s motivations are.." (cut to hands-on-thighs, legs spread, and "follow me [to the fantasy suite]" ..
    ... "Who knows.. maybe he does make it to the very end" (cut to "I don't want this to end" in the suite, as third base is rounded)...
    ... "He’s been in this position before. He knows what to do" (more sounds, and I'm guess she's been in this position before)...
    ... "Gotta trust Caitlyn" (just before the mikes are turned off)

    Poor taste? Definitely. High entertainment value? Well, ... I will be back next week.

    - SGIWB

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    1. I forgot these 2 quotes from the aforementioned edits:
      "Come with me", and
      " I think he's going to get a rose tonight"

      .... so this is not scripted??

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    2. thanks for making me relive that, SGIWB. DP

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  11. Great write-up again DP. I still can't look at Joe Dirt without thinking about the Heat Miser.

    And I LOVED the cock joke. My daughter will be going to grad school at University of South Carolina this fall and the cock jokes have been flying at my house all summer!

    Cindy from Hoover (Alabama)

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    1. Flying cocks all around the house. Be careful. One other person has contacted me with the Heat Miser reference. I'm glad some of you got it. He looks just like the guy. DP

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  12. This was awesome. Love the rules at the beginning and I agree 100%. If you are so drunk you can't remember to take the mic off then maybe you shouldn't be getting down and dirty with Nick? Ugh Nick, why couldn't it have been someone worth losing your dignity over?

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    1. Be patient, Derby. She'll get around to sleeping with a guy who deserves to be slept with. So little faith. DP

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  13. You had lots of material to work with, but again, you really raised the bar. Too many wonderful zingers to namecheck.

    Keep it coming -- always a highlight of my week to see that your new posts are up.

    And as a very proper member (well, not too proper) of the Daughters of the Republic of Texas, I was not amused that ABC used the Alamo as a backdrop for the rose ceremony. It's truly a burial ground.

    It seems like ABC is using Kaitlyn's season to see just how far they can take the tacky -- the wake?

    Marti in Dallas

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    1. yea, I think they're trying to raise the bar with the dates and the new format but it's tanking. They should stick to what's worked. Remember when Coke thought it would be a great idea to change its formula? DP

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  14. SG, fantastic recap. Hilarious but also thoughtful. You are definitely NOT surface level!

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    1. Anon, thanks for the compliment. however, I'm about as surface level as it comes. I'm a total dirtbag. That's what makes me endearing. DP

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  15. I like your logical and legal advice to Kaitlyn. And of course all of the surface level digs.
    ~Cariss

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    1. ~Cariss, thanks, as always. Glad you enjoyed it. DP

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  16. Terrific recap, especially for those of us not watching. Not a Texan but I was genuinely appalled upon reading that this trainwreck was set at the Alamo. Apparently nothing is sacred....a new low. So glad I passed on this season.
    Great blog!
    LA

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    1. LA, fantastic. I'm happy I'm your window into the show even though you're not watching. DP

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  17. As always, great recap. I try not to watch this show, and instead rely solely on your recap, along with IHGB, but I actually ended up watching a good portion of this one.
    My only regret about the recaps is that with the gang heading to Dublin, Ireland, and the incident with Nick in the hotel room, I was hoping that one of you would have used the slogan from my favorite St. Patrick's day shirt, which is "I must be Irish, because one look at you and my penis is Dublin". It would have been so appropriate for this episode.
    I hope I don't get banned for writing this!

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    1. Anon, while that's fitting, it's also easy--like Kaitlyn. Come to think of it, perhaps I should have used that line. DP

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  18. Someguy, If Ian's goal is to become the next bachelor, why do you think he acted the way he did? Any reasonably intelligent individual would have warning bells going off in their head if they thought to do what he did. I just don't get it. I suppose there are different kinds of intelligence, and Ian is lacking in at least one of them?

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    1. I think they get super punchy in their bubble. No sleep, tons of booze, long days, etc. He melted down. Not his best moment. I'm sure he's a solid guy. He just needs to get over himself. DP

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