Thursday, July 29, 2010

Some Guy Tells All--Special Post

NOTICE: THIS IS THE SECOND ENTRY THIS WEEK. IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR EPISODE 10 MEN TALL ALL, SCROLL DOWN OR CLICK ON THE TITLE ON THE RIGHT HAND SIDE. ENJOY. DP.

Hello Readers. Welcome to my special—albeit stolen—version of the Tell All from our favorite show. As was the case with my Stuff Chicks Like series, I received a lot of questions and a lot of emails. Thanks to all of you who played along. I’ve done my best to pick the group of questions that I thought would provide the best answers to all of them. In short, if you don’t see your question below, please don’t feel slighted or ignored. It was tough to narrow these down. If you still have questions after reading this, email me and I’ll do my best to answer. I’d hate to disappoint.

On another note, I want to say that I greatly appreciate all of you for reading, participating, and actually caring. It’s a joy to open up the blog on Tuesday afternoon and read all of the feedback (positive and negative). This season has been fun for me and I’ve actually taken the time to correspond with many of you via email. Keep the comments and emails coming. Honestly, those are the things that keep me afloat at 2am while I’m writing the blog.

You’ll also notice that I’ve added a fancy hit counter to the top of the blog. The goal is to get as many hits as I possibly can. For all of you blog pimps out there, feel free to send this to anyone who might be interested and annoy anyone who might not care with the link. The bigger this thing gets, the better the site will get. I’m looking into beefing it up after the Bachelor Pad season ends but I need to grow the audience in order to do that.

Finally, although my beguiling demeanor will undoubtedly seep through in my answers below, I’ll caution that this entry will probably not be hysterically funny. My goal here is to answer honestly and give you a better idea of who Some Guy in Austin is on a daily basis. I’ll try and provide some levity, but you get the idea.

With all of that out of the way, enjoy Some Guy in Austin Tells All. Your questions are below. Let’s get to it.

What is your guilty pleasure?

This is really hard to narrow down. I’m a “live life” kind of guy and I spend a lot of time in pursuit of a whole host of things that bring me great joy. I love sad, old country songs and I’ve been known to go to my favorite hole in the wall bar alone on a week night, drop five bucks in the jukebox, play every sad country song on it, and drink Lone Star Beer until the songs run out. For those of you not from Texas, let me define “country song.” I’m talking about any song in the formerly labeled “Country & Western” genre recorded before Garth Brooks messed it up for everyone. We don’t line dance here in Texas and true fans don’t listen to some jackass in a crunched up “cowboy” hat in skin tight jeans and a muscle shirt carry on about his tractor or jump around the beach singing about spring break or whatever. Saying that’s country music is like saying that Justin Bieber is a rock singer.

I love live music, two-stepping, and being at places where people know my name. I frequent the same 4 or 5 places. I love to bowl. I love the outdoors. I love chocolate. I love pearl snap shirts and dirty jokes. I rarely sleep. I find real peace on a mountain bike in and around Austin and also on the lake or in the mountains. Let’s just say I have two speeds: 80 and parked. I suppose everything I do is a guilty pleasure. That’s good and that’s bad.

I was going to go with “Mexican food” but that answer was thankfully stolen.

What are your tattoos of and what do they represent?

I have 7 tattoos. I’m not covered like Wes Hayden or anything, but they all mean something. I’ve gotten them at various times during my life and they all reflect a piece of those times. What’s the most interesting one for you to know about? I have a tattoo of James Dean’s face on my left hip that I got when I was 19 years old at a studio in Austin, Texas. I loved James Dean’s movies growing up. A girlfriend I’d dated for two years cheated on me and dumped me. Depressed, I decided to get a tattoo to cheer me up. I had a friend draw me a picture of James Dean and took it into a tattoo studio the next day. It took 4 hours and hurt like hell.

Trivia: My college roommate came with me to get the tattoo. After it was done, we went to our favorite bar Downtown. He made me open my pants and show my left hip to a couple of girls thinking it would impress them. One of the girls took one look at it, set down her beer, and dropped her pants and panties down in the bar to reveal a giant, pink flamingo tattoo just above her whatnot. She became known as “The Flamingo Chick.” My college roommate ended up dating her for a few months. I often wonder if that flamingo has aged well.

If you were a contestant on the Bachelorette, what would your opening line be coming out of the limo on the first night?

I get this question, or something similar, all the time. I suppose the short answer is that the Producers would feed me “my” opening line if I was to go on the show, but I’ll play along. I could go with the aww shucks Austin guy “well, howdy” line. I could go big with something like “you know what would look good on you? Me.” I could go funny with “you look good enough to put on a plate and sop up with a biscuit.” I could go with the “what a bunch of cheese bags so far, huh?” line or I could go with my personal favorite pick up line, “can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?”

Honestly, I think eye contact, a pleasant smile, and a simple, sincere compliment trump a back flip off a limo any day of the week. The problem with going big early in the date is that you’re expected to be “on” all of the time. Ask Jim Carrey or the guy who plays Stifler in American Pie. A sincere hello and a smile are usually good enough for me to get things rolling. Call me crazy.

What is something about you that most people would never guess just by looking at you?

That I write a blog about the Bachelor/Bachelorette. That I have 7 tattoos. That I’m a lawyer. I asked a friend of mine how she would answer this question if she were me. “There’s not a lot of pretense about you.” “You are who you are,” is how she answered. I guess that’s as good an answer as any.

Trivia: Recently, I left my office at my “real” job to deposit an expense check at my bank. After, I walked to a local deli to get a sandwich. It was a Tuesday and I have a tendency to obsess on finding errors in the blog, so I check it on my iPhone periodically throughout the day. I was reading the blog while standing in line at the deli and I heard three women giggling behind me. Thinking I had toilet paper on my boot, I looked back. One of the women smiled and asked if I read the blog. The other one recognized me and they all laughed. “What are YOU doing here?” one of them asked. I told them that I worked across the street and they all laughed. That was my first brush with blog fame. It was funny.

If you were stuck on a heart-shaped island called Tupai, and you could only bring 3 of each, what would they be?

First of all, let’s just clarify that the island of Tupai was shaped more like a pancreas than a heart. This is actually a tougher question that you might imagine. I’m extremely passionate about all of the things listed below. I’m truly a fan of the people, words, and ideas. I know that sounds very Match.com-ish, but it’s true. Did I mention that I like walks on the beach and sunsets too?

In the spirit of not overanalyzing things (Frank), I’m going to just list the first things that come to mind and explain why. As the reader who sent this suggested, I assumed that my desert island, although isolated, has resort style qualities enabling me to watch movies, read, cook, and live comfortably. Wow, this is almost like a reality show.

Movies:

Forrest Gump. Why? Aside from the quality of the movie from an entertainment perspective, the movie took Groom’s book and turned Forrest into a softer, more lovable character. The entire story tackles the greatest philosophical conundrum since the beginning of time: Free Will vs. Destiny.

Forrest wonders in his soliloquy at Jenny’s gravesite, “I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.”

I minored in Philosophy so I love this stuff. The soundtrack is good too and Forrest’s dedication to Jenny is inspiring.

The Godfather. I suppose just about any pre-90’s Coppola movie would do, but this one is one of my favorites. Puzo’s book is actually better than the movie. I read the book when I was about 12 years old before I saw the movie and always watch it when it comes on TV. Al Pacino wasn’t screaming randomly into the camera as a substitution for acting, Brando resurrected his career before burying it again, and Caan and Duval are both young and in their primes. Hell, even Talia Shire is good in this, proving that nepotism is not always a bad thing (she’s Coppola’s sister). Favorite line? “Leave the gun. Keep the cannolis.”

Trivia: My grandfather was a musician (among other things). His best friend was a guy named Angelo DiPippo. In the opening scene of the Godfather at Connie Corleone’s wedding, Angelo DiPippo can be seen in the wedding band in the gazebo playing the accordion. My grandfather loved to tell that story.

Streets of Fire. Streets of what?, you’re probably asking. 1984-ish movie and self-titled “Rock and Roll Fable” starring Diane Lane and Michael Pare with Rick Moranis, Amy Madigan (Ed Harris’ wife), Ed Begley, Jr., Willem DaFoe, Robert Townsend, Bill Paxton, Rick Rossavich (Slider in Top Gun), and the ugly sister from Too Close for Comfort. Why? I love the story. Good guy rescues beautiful ex-girlfriend he still loves from bad guy. The music is fantastic. Visually, the movie is incredibly well done, and despite Michael Pare’s awful acting, it works.

I’ve had a thing (a big thing) for Diane Lane since she played Cherry Valance in the Outsiders and Patty in Rumble Fish. She’s stunning in this movie and perfect for the role of the maiden in distress. The movie is a love story at heart and I’m a sucker for a good love story that isn’t The Notebook. Did I mention my fascination with Diane Lane? Rent it or buy it. It’s a great movie.

Trivia: When I was younger, I would routinely be told that I was a dead ringer for Michael Pare. Eddie and the Cruisers and Streets of Fire were out around the same time and I have to admit that I did look like him. However, I was and probably still am a better actor. Diane Lane went on to win an oscar. He want on to “star” in some movie about a giant killer Komodo dragon. My brother used to call me “Eddie” as in Eddie Wilson, Pare’s part in Eddie and the Cruisers to try and annoy me.

Favorite scene? When Tom gives Billy Fish back the money he paid him to rescue Ellen and she follows Tom out in the rain and they kiss. I challenge you to find a scene as good as that in The Notebook or its progeny. Second favorite scene is at the very end of the movie, but I won’t give it away.

Runners up: Saturday Night Fever, Rocky, A Few Good Men, Urban Cowboy, Hollywood Knights, Lonesome Dove

Books:

The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I know it’s an end run around a single book, but it really doesn’t get any better than Shakespeare. Favorite works? Romeo and Juliet, Othello, and Sonnet #2.

Lonesome Dove. Being from Texas, I have a special connection to this movie. Diane Lane is also in it. I won’t name drop, but I also have a good friend who had a major role in the movie and I love hearing stories about it. Anyone from Texas will tell you that this movie played continuously at least twice a year from its 1984-ish release through the current date. I grew up watching it. I love westerns and this is sort of an anti-western for a million reasons I won’t go into here.

Triva: When I was a freshman in college, I entered as a Marketing/Business major because I was always taught that a Liberal Arts degree was “worthless.” In my first semester we studied The Last Picture Show in my English class. My professor knew Larry McMurtury, the author of the book. He also wrote Lonesome Dove, Texasville, and Brokeback Mountain among a bunch of others. He came to my English class and spoke to us about writing. I sat there with about 15 other people in a small living room in a house on campus and listened to him speak. After leaving that room, I walked straight down to the Registrar’s office and changed my major to English. True Story.

The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. Brilliant, funny, interesting, practical. The list could go on forever. Every person should read this in his/her lifetime.

People:

Abraham Lincoln, Diane Lane, and Chris Harrison.

Food:

Tex-Mex and Italian. Two of my biggest weaknesses. And of course, an unlimited supply of Lone Star Beer, the National Beer of Texas.

Musicians:

This is tough. I have tons of friends who are musicians and I’m a fan of just about everything. I appreciate good songwriting, good lyrics, simple melodies, good harmonies, passion, and the ability to communicate a succinct idea. I see the value of everything from classical to hip-hop and find the later to be just as creative as the former.

Willie Nelson. An Austin, Texas treasure. His songwriting is incredible and his ballads are some of the best ever written. Like Dylan, his voice is not the greatest, but there is simplicity of ideas and lyrics that I love. Everyone in Austin has an “I met Willie” story and they are all positive. He’s a wonderful man.

Favorites: “The First Thing I Needed The Last Thing This Morning,” “Funny How Time Slips Away,” “Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground.” Download and listen.

Trivia: Willie wrote “Crazy,” which was recorded by Patsy Cline. Patsy Cline hated the song and refused to record it several times before finally giving in. It became her signature song and is regarded as one of the greatest country songs ever written. Funny how that happens, isn’t it?

U2. War, Rattle and Hum, and The Joshua Tree albums literally changed my life. Everyone has one of those kind of albums, I suppose.

Elvis Presley. If you disregard everything they play on the radio, you’ll get a feel for Elvis. My mother was (is) a huge Elvis fan and I have no memory as a child of anything other than Elvis playing in my house. Elvis was a true fan of music. He recorded thousands of songs spanning every genre imaginable. If it wasn’t for Elvis, I would have never discovered Frank Sinatra, the Beatles, Willie Nelson, Hank Williams, Simon and Garfunkel, or gospel music. Plus, it would be difficult to argue that he wasn’t one of a kind. Hell, I even like his movies.

Favorites: Elvis recorded a gospel album in 1956, the year he broke out, for his mother. That album is my favorite. His versions of “You’ll Never Walk Alone” and “Only Believe” are second to none.

Trivia: When I was in college, I frequented a karaoke bar where I became known as “The King” because I sang Elvis songs. I developed somewhat of a following and would routinely be recognized around town as “The King.” I’d sing every Tuesday and Friday night at that bar and when I got up to leave, the DJ would announce, “The King has left the building.” Those were great times in my life.

Runners Up: Ray LaMontagne, Dean Martin, Waylon Jennings, Emimem.

More Trivia: Ray LaMontagne worked in a shoe factory for years. He had to get up at 4am to go to work where he worked 11 hour days, 6 days a week. One morning he awoke to his alarm playing Stephen Stills’ song Treetop Flyer. After work that day, he went out and bought the album and after listening to it, quit his job to pursue music. To this day, he’s terrified to go up on stage and perform. When asked in a rare interview why he chooses to go on stage if he hates it so badly he responded, “if I didn’t have to I wouldn’t.” I love that story. It inspires me. I think it’s a shame that people I know don’t get it.

What DOES the P in DP stand for?

“Private.” Just kidding. Email me and I’ll tell you. I’m not paranoid, but I do have a day job that often involves people Googling my full name in search of dirt on me. I’m a attorney, believe it or not. I prefer to keep the blog separate from my “professional” life. If I ever find a way to do this full time, I’ll get it out there in a heart beat. I’ve corresponded with many of you via email. If you ask to “friend” me on Facebook, I usually say yes. Just don’t promise to guard and protect any part of my anatomy.

What got you started watching the Bachelor/Bachelorette and why'd you decide to start blogging about it? Do you actually like the show or do you watch it only for the comedic blogging possibilities?

Alright, that’s three questions, but I’ll answer. I have two close friends, Heather and Isobel, who are unbelievable die hard fans of the show. Frankly, they scare me. Isobel moved to Denver from Dallas and she and I stayed in touch. I met Heather through her. I found myself traveling to Denver a few times a month for business and each time I went I’d try to go to dinner or meet for a drink with Heather and Isobel. One Monday, I arrived in town and sent my usual “when and where for dinner/drinks” message. I was summarily rejected because the Bachelor premier was on. I ended up watching the show with them and when I returned home, I sent an email making fun of the show. That got circulated and eventually turned into a weekly email to Heather and Isobel making fun of the show. Heather suggested I begin a blog about it and Isobel jumped on board. The rest is history.

As far as liking the show, I’d have to say yes. I find it just as ridiculous as most of you do and I often get embarrassed for the people on it. I don’t think I could write about it like I do if I wasn’t a true fan. I don’t read spoilers or any other blogs prior to watching or writing. A lot of you know that Lincee Ray and I are friends. She and I read each other but only after we’ve posted. We talk often but never on a Monday. I like to experience the show as a fan and then write. I typically start watching on the DVR around 8pm and finish around 10:00pm. I let it sit for an hour or so and then write the blog from 11pm-2am. I polish it up over lunch in my office and post it. That formula is one reason I think the blog works. I love meeting and talking to people and hearing what makes them tick and that curiosity is a big reason I watch the show. I find the premise and its results interesting. Plus, it’s fun to watch just to see what will happen. In short, I like the show just like you do. I just happen to write about it.

What would make more of these couples fall in love and stay together? Fantasy dates earlier in the season? Really crappy dates all season?

Wow, absent a doctorate in human behavior, I can’t adequately answer this one. The bottom line is that I do believe in love at first site—or something like it. You either click or you don’t, right? However, I also believe that even though love is often found when not expected, it has to grow over time and a relationship has to grow out of that love. Most people confuse love for the relationship when, in fact, love has nothing to do with the dynamic of the relationship. We’ve all seen two people desperately in love with one another that can’t get along. Diabetics can love sugar all day, but having a relationship with it can kill them.

With that said, I think the problem is that the show presumes a result: love and marriage. Just because two people can walk a tightrope over a gorge together and have fun doesn’t mean they’re compatible. Anyone can develop real feelings in a vacuum; especially when they have 20 hours of downtime in a giant mansion with a bunch of people they don’t like all day. Wouldn’t you be glad to get out of there for a few hours and sit under the Hollywood sign or race sports cars with an attractive member of the opposite sex?

In order to see if a relationship will work, I think real alone time is required, but that would bore the viewers to death if the show was all about that part of a relationship. The Fantasy Suite is a big part of the chemistry in the equation too, but all of us know that real love is something that has to develop beyond that chemistry. I think the attraction the contestants feel is sincere. I just think the real test starts when the cameras are off and that usually entails a few months before they figure out they hate each other. Just ask Jason or Jillian. Oh, and yes, I know that Ryan and Trista are married with children.

How DO you have such a female-sensitive brain? Who trained you? It's uncanny -- and we want answers!

This is another question I get all the time. The short answer is “I don’t know.” I have many faults but one gift I was given was the ability to read people and read people well, especially women. I suppose it’s like singing or knowing how to draw. You’re either born with it or you’re not. Through none of my own doing, I was also blessed by dating two girls early in my life who were kind, sensitive, caring people who genuinely loved me. They both taught me a lot about what makes women tick. I was always a sensitive, curious, empathetic kid. I listen, observe, and pay close attention to detail. I have an uncanny ability to put myself in other people’s shoes. I suppose that makes it into the blog. Also, I’ve always had a lot of female friends and I guess I picked up a lot from them over the years. I find that my personality lends itself to making people feel comfortable around me. I’m usually the guy who gets the “can I talk to you about something” phone call. For some reason, people feel content to open up to me. Again, I can’t explain that. It just is.

Trivia: When I was a young kid, my mother used to call me “The Mayor” because wherever she took me, someone knew me and would approach me. “Who is that?” my mom would ask. “Oh, that’s so and so’s mother. She owns the local whatever.” My mother used to say that taking me out in public was like watching someone run for office because I talked to everyone and everyone seemed to “know” me. Thus, the nickname. Not a lot has changed since then. I love meeting and talking to people. Again, I suppose that familiarity comes across in the blog.

What's your idea of a great first date?

A helicopter ride over an Icelandic volcano followed by drinks and snacks in an ice cave. Alright, not really. This question gets the first “it depends” answer of the blog. Here’s what I consider before planning a first date and here are a few rules I stick to. I’m assuming I’ve met the person or talked to her on the phone before. Blind dates scare the hell out of me.

It’s important to pick a place where I can focus on her. Trendy or noisy doesn’t work for me. I want to talk, get to know her, and gather as much information as I can. That way, if there’s a second date, I can hit a home run. Listening is important in any situation, but people volunteer a lot more than they think they do, especially in first time situations and especially if you pay attention. Every woman knows that having a man remember tiny details is something they find endearing. Any guy can send a dozen roses sprinkled with baby’s breath in a fancy vase. All that takes is a phone call. But the guy who pays enough attention to send a dozen of your favorite flowers is the guy who scores points. If I’m wrong, please let me know.

I prefer quaint, public places as opposed to doing something weird like cooking her dinner at my house. Low key places are good, isolated places are uncomfortable for a first date. That’s nice, but it’s not first date material. It’s a bit creepy. Drinks are a good start. You can tell a lot from a first drink order. Trust me. Also, it’s important for me to see how she treats other people. Dave Barry once said, “someone who is nice to you but mean to the waiter is not a nice person.” I believe that and the small, subconscious things a woman does are far more telling than anything else.

Casual, casual, casual. Why? Anyone can get more dressed up than a sore finger and plan an expensive evening. If a date is casual, I think a person is more likely to be herself. I get to see what she’s comfortable wearing as opposed to the fifth thing she tried on and still doesn’t feel right wearing. Also, there’s less pressure to “perform.” I think a casual night sends a message that I like things to be about the two of us and not how much I can impress her with money. Believe me, throwing money around early ALWAYS leads to problems. I save the fancy date for later. Frankly, if a girl I ask out doesn’t appreciate a casual date, that’s not someone I’d want to take out on the town anyway. Yes, I do believe there’s such a thing as TOO casual. I’m thinking a booth at a neighborhood bar where they serve appetizers and the waitress is friendly. I’m not thinking ice house on the freeway with a 50 year old braless waitress with a cigarette in one hand and a cocktail tray in the other. I prefer to go to those places by myself.

Open ended. I like to start with an idea like dinner and/or drinks and then present a couple of options to my date. Would you like to get dessert, coffee, shoot pool, go bowling, go to a piano bar, see a band, etc. That way, she gets to choose and we get to be spontaneous—in a sort of controlled way. The ability to be spontaneous is a must have for me and putting a decision in her hands is a good way for me to gauge that quality.

Also, if I can’t stand her, I can pick the thing I think will make her lose my phone number. I think “being a man” and taking control by planning something is important, but it’s also nice to give her ownership in at least part of the evening. I think women appreciate being treated like an equal. Again, if a woman I’m with can’t tell me what she likes to do, I can’t read her mind. Giving her options lets me see if she can do that. It also helps weed out the control freaks and high maintenance women who have to have it their way.

Listen, listen, listen. I try to regale her with funny stories, but it’s important to ask as many questions as I answer and let her tell me about herself. It’s also a good way to ferret out the crazy ones. I’m a firm believer that a person should be able to answer the following questions immediately: What’s your favorite joke? What’s your favorite flower? What’s your favorite movie?

So, DP’s dating principles. Let’s review. Simple, intimate, quiet, public, casual place with the intent on heading somewhere later. Give her options and let her make the choice. Talk, but listen, and learn. By the way, I think a movie, play, or concert are awful first date options. If I want to sit in silence and watch something, I’ll stay home.

What is one (specific) thing about women that just puzzles the crap out of you?

Wow, I’m sure there are many qualities I could name that both men and women share, but I’ll stick to a couple that I view as more female. I think many women—no matter what stage of the relationship they are in—tend to have a much longer memory than men for the negative stuff. Men get mad, vent, and then let things go. Women tend to hang on to bad stuff a man has done and remind him of it in later disagreements. I think that’s unfair and it’s certainly not constructive. People make mistakes from time to time. The vast majority of those mistakes are just that—mistakes—and should simply be forgiven once a sincere apology is made. Reminding him that he was late for Valentine’s dinner three years ago serves no purpose. I think people waste a lot of time in relationships competing for the upper hand rather than experiencing each other. I like to keep things simple. That requires an open, forgiving heart on both sides of the equation. It puzzles me why more women can’t simply let things go.

I also can’t figure out why a woman “won’t” do something in certain situations. Example: If I went to a bar that didn’t serve Lone Star beer, I’d find another drink. I might not love it, but I’d figure it out. I wouldn’t leave the bar or let that ruin my evening. I think it’s nice to have familiarity and predictability from day to day, but it’s essential to be spontaneous. Some people just need to relax.

Bonus tip for women: Men are no less supportive of monogamy, commitment, or even marriage than women are. Men just don’t like to be told by a woman when all of those are going to happen.

Complete the sentence: It is really unattractive when a woman _______.

Doesn’t like me. Just kidding. Smokes, is jealous, has unreasonable body/appearance issues, or no capacity to be spontaneous. There are other “deal breakers” for me, but these are the biggies. I have a very short “must have” list, but the must haves are all non-negotiable. I’m pretty easy going with the rest of the equation.

What sets you apart from other guys? (...um, besides the fact that you're awesome and you blog about the Bachelor/ette.)

Uh, I’m awesome and blog about the Bachelorette. Beyond that, I’m no better or worse than any other guy you might meet in a bar, on Match.com, or in a pumpkin patch—depending upon the season, of course. Women who I’ve dated in the past tell me that I’m a bit easy on the eyes, I make them laugh, I’m never boring, and that I have a way of making them feel safe. I suppose I can see all but the last one. Attraction is a strange thing. I will say that the ability to make people laugh is something I figured out I could do from a very early age and I think women appreciate someone who can do that.

However, I’d propose that perhaps the fact that I don’t see myself as being any better or any worse than any other guy is something important that might set me apart. I’m always myself. Some people like that. Some don’t. I’m ok with that.

What is the coolest part about blogging on a topic predominately read by women?

I love the emails and comments I get wondering how I come up with this stuff. I have several readers who religiously send me their “favorite lines” emails every Tuesday and a couple of friends who call me and tell me what made them laugh. It always amazes me that some of the lines I consider throw away lines end up making it into the comments while the ones I think will kill simply don’t get mentioned. I’m a fan of the readers just like the readers are a fan of the blog. It’s really fun.

On a selfish note, I always find it hysterically funny when husbands or boyfriends give me a really hard time for writing the blog and/or watching the show. My sexuality is questioned, my manhood challenged, and my name defamed. What’s funny about that? Well, two things. The blog is all they hear about from their girlfriend or wife when I’m not there and when I am, I’m the one surrounded by wives and girlfriends while the husbands/boyfriends sulk in the corner. Few men read the blog, but those who do appreciate it. Again, it’s fun for me and that’s why I do it. I don’t worry about it making me seem “gay” or “stupid” or whatever.

Trivia: I have one male reader who sends me a litany of an email every week with his deeply philosophical take on the season. It’s really interesting. The best part is that he once thanked me for writing the blog because he and his wife began eating breakfast together every Wednesday morning in order to take turns reading the blog to each other. He thanked me for helping his marriage. I like that story. That’s a nice feeling.

When you break up with girls, are you usually the break upper or the break-upee?

I’d have to call this one a draw although I’ve stayed in really bad, really destructive relationships in the past for no reason other than I was scared to be alone. I’ve since conquered that fear. I’ve been in many long term relationships. I enjoy the security and familiarity of them. I’ve grown a lot as a result of those relationships and I’m perfectly happy outside of a relationship. It took a long time to be content with who I am as a person rather than depending on someone else for validation. I have many faults, but generally, I’m now happy with who I am as a person.

Trivia: I once took a college girlfriend that I’d dated for two years to a romantic spot above Lake Austin after dinner. I told her that I loved her and asked her if she’d ever thought about marrying me. She replied, “I don’t love you anymore and I’ve cheated on you six times.” How ‘bout them apples?

Have you ever told a girl when you break up with her that it's not her it's you?

No, but I think when any break up happens there’s some truth to that statement. It’s always about the person who is doing the breaking up. The hardest part about being broken up with is facing the reality that a person simply doesn’t want to be with you. If you’re secure in who you are, it’s easier. Still, no one likes to hear he’s not wanted.

Have any of your ex-girlfriends ever told you that you have commitment issues, or phobias?

None whatsoever. I love the security, friendship, and familiarity of a relationship. I’m just as happy in a healthy relationship as I am single. I have no issue with monogamy or marriage in any sense. I think I understand and appreciate relationships. Healthy relationships of any kind (friend, spouse, gf, bf, employee) make both parties better people. I think that understanding shows in the blog.

Do you live at home with your parents?

No, but I plan to move back in with them after I “move” overseas for six weeks and write a screenplay. I haven’t lived with my parents since I left home for college. They live just North of Austin. That’s close enough.

If you were one of the final two guys, would it gross you out to see your "girlfriend" all over the other guys?

Only if I was the second guy on the Fantasy Suite date. I suppose—ironically—reality has to be suspended in that situation in order to deal with the fact that it’s go time for both guys on the date. I will say that jealousy is a deal breaker for me. I think it’s a waste of time to believe that you can control another person. Trying to control your significant other by putting “rules” in place to keep her faithful is ridiculous. It’s also ridiculous to get mad at a significant other for the behavior of third parties. I had a friend punch a guy once because he looked at his girlfriend. The best a person can do is control himself and treat his significant other with honesty and respect. I can’t force a person to feel a certain way about me. I can’t control a person. Trying to do that does two things: It isolates the other person and it drives the controller crazy.

Remember when your parents caught you smoking/drinking/talking to the seedy kid from across the tracks for the first time? They clamped down and forbid you to smoke/drink/talk to the seedy kid from across the tracks, etc. All that did was make you figure out a way to hide it better. It’s like the Tax Code. They can pass any tax law and close any loophole but people will always figure out how to cheat on their taxes. It’s the same with infidelity. It’s useless to worry about that. The best you can do is the best you can do. If that’s not enough for another person, the relationship should end.


Well, there it is. My best shot at answering the reader’s questions. Again, I realize this isn’t as punchy as my recaps, but a change is nice sometimes. I wanted to give you an idea who Some Guy in Austin really is. I’d love to get your thoughts and feedback either in the comment section below or via email. Thank you, as always, for reading and playing along. Until next week’s big finale, take care. If you need me, I’ll be washing the sheets from my Fantasy Suite. DP

37 comments:

  1. Remind me never to do this. You can delete this if you don't want to start it out negatively.

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  2. acdoyler, Never do this. Negative or not, thanks for reading. I can't make everyone happy all of the time, right? Just tune in next week, alright? DP

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  3. Wow- I can't believe you got all those personal questions! I have only been reading your blog for this season so to be honest I skimmed most of your personal info/thoughts on dating about half way down (sorry!) but loved some of these the hidden gem trivia facts:

    - the flamingo girl story was by far the best.
    - the fact your mother called you the mayor reminds me of how Bill Simmons (sports guy) calls his son the CEO.
    - was interested to hear how you started the blog- think that is such a great story!!

    ps- I think Bill Simmons would get a kick out of your blogs about the show. I love his sense of humor and I find yours to be right up there with it!

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  4. She became known as “The Flamingo Chick.” My college roommate ended up dating her for a few months. I often wonder if that flamingo has aged well.
    SNORT.
    You are one hell of a writer/entertainer. You are now officially "that guy". The one all girls want to date, and the one that all the guys want to be friends with.

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  5. *Sigh* Ok, so you already had the hysterical/witty/awesome thing going, now you've got the soulful/honest/romantic(you're TOTALLY a romantic) thing going on top of that. I genuinely loved reading this post. I felt moved by your honesty. I know it's kind of silly to get into a blog like yours or Lincee's, but it's such a day-maker, and when the rest of the week or day just "is", it's so nice to share an "interest" with so many people. Plus, I just really like intelligent people who can make me laugh. I really enjoyed that you answered every question in a very extended manner, it felt fulfilling. I am such a big fan, sign me up for that club Lincee! Thanks again for being such fun entertainment! And, uh, I don't get what acdoyler meant... never do what?

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  6. I started reading your blog for the recaps & now you have a loyal reader in me, even in the off-season. You're a great writer, honest, & just a plain nice guy. I enjoyed your "Tell All", especially the Trivia sections. Too bad you & Lincee don't live in the same city because I'm rooting for that to turn into something! :-)

    Mary-Marshall (double first name)
    Dallas
    www.shirtsbyguy.com

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  7. DP, I have decided that you are extremely intriguing, and also, not real. There is no possible way a guy can be that attuned to what he wants, needs, likes, and dislikes.

    Or maybe I've been dating too many "boys"!

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  8. Ok, I've been reading your recaps for a while, and you've always cracked me up, but I think I officially have a crush on you now!

    Thank you for sharing this, and feel free to do a Tell All Round 2 if you've got more questions to answer!

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  9. Screw the first poster "acdoyler". Jerk/jerkette. If I wasn't fifty-something, I think I would be in love. Oh, and the fact that I'm already married has a tiny bit to do with it, also. You are awesome.

    Fifty-ish lady in Mississippi

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  10. Intriguing, simple (not in the intelligence department mind you), hilarious, refreshing. That about sums it up for me. Oh yeah and as I read the blog your "voice" sounds a lot like Vince Vaughn's - with his brilliant comedic timing and the way he delivers his lines. May have just lost a few points but I mean that as the utmost compliment and you can't please 'em all. :)
    Cariss

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  11. Oh my, this just solidified my crush on you.

    "But the guy who pays enough attention to send a dozen of your favorite flowers is the guy who scores points. If I’m wrong, please let me know." You are NOT wrong - red roses = I wasn't really listening, but I know flowers are the next step.

    I hope the follow up is your analysis of first drink orders and their meaning - curious to know what mine is revealing.

    Thanks for brightening my work day twice this week!

    Ann in Denver

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  12. I've been reading your blog faithfully each week and laughing hysterically (especially when you throw in an abstract movie reference).
    This entry I actually got a little teary-eyed and found three things quite endearing- The bit about Ray LaMontagne, The guy that wrote you about breakfast with his wife and your bit about relationships you have stayed in and how you've conquered the fear of being alone.

    You are darling and I have a giant crush on you (as does every other woman who reads this blog )

    Kady from Oregon

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  13. Did you mean Cherry Valance from The Outsiders? My favorite movie! Stay Gold and keep on blogging! :)

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  14. Sigh (with my hand over my heart)...and how is it possible that you're not taken? You had me somewhere between two-stepping, chocolate, and my favorite flowers. If Lincee didn't fall in love with you last weekend, she's sure to now! :)

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  15. KA in Lincoln, Neb.July 29, 2010 at 4:57 PM

    I don't typically respond to blog posts (especially those of someone I don't personally know) -- but you earned a boost up toward the top of my RSS feed. Great stories, and I almost feel like I know you now (at least well enough to post on your blog...). If/when Harrison retires, and God forbid that day ever comes, but in that event his job should so be yours. Thanks for making my Tuesdays for a while now, and for giving a little bit more of a glimpse into your world (and next time I'm in Texas, I'll have to crack a Lone Star in your honor -- even if, as a Husker fan, that might be kind of forbidden territory).

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  16. Readers, Please, you're all making me blush. I appreciate the sentiment but I'm just Some Guy in Austin. I'm flattered that this has been so well received. I appreciate the correction about Diane Lane. Cherry Valance was in the Outsiders. She played Patty in Rumble Fish. I got them mixed up. See, I'm NOT perfect! Thank you all again for commenting. I wasn't sure how this one would go over. DP

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  17. I agree...too bad people reading did not learn something new about you. Every day we should all learn something new. (There are many days I don't) You sound like a great guy, sorry no crush here I have a wonderful husband.

    The question I have is did you and Lincee go on a "date" or was that just friends meeting up? Because your date did not sound like what you described above. HAHA Always great to hear a mans perspective on life in general. They say we are complex, but maybe if we knew more about men we would understand life a little better ourselves. Thanks again for the insight. Kim, Nevada

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  18. Thanks for a fabulous blog! It was funny, insightful, and endearing. When I'm in Austin next month, I'll have to find you at one of your hangouts and buy you a Lone Star beer for putting a smile on my face every week!

    Take care and keep the blogs coming.

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  19. You are officially BEYOND awesome! I saved the rest of my thoughts for the email I just sent you. :)

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  20. Yes, I too want to know why you're not taken! Love your insightfully witty recaps each week--just wished I'd discovered you before this season. Just when I think I can watch no more bachelorette, your blog keeps me going. Keep up the good work, although maybe with fewer references to yeast/urinary tract infections...
    AM in NYC (but would move to Austin to hang with you)

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  21. I appreciate all of the compliments and emails. I suppose me taking this a different direction has pleasantly surprised some of you and that's good. I will, however, put a thought in your heads. I wonder if it's occured to any of you that the reason I have such insight is because there was a time in my life when I screwed it up so badly that no one would talk to me. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom in order to get things in perspective. I had some of those "sometimes." Thanks for commenting. DP

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  22. Thoughts as I'm reading:

    Come on, tell us how you REALLY feel about Kenny Chesney.

    James Dean is cool but on your hip. Really.

    Streets of Fire - that movie soooo rocked!!! No, not Michael Pare's best work, that of course was Eddie and the Cruisers, but still a great movie. And as for your obsession, Diane Lane rocks in Untraceable.

    Would not have pegged you a William Shakespeare guy.

    U2 was great and well ahead of their time when I was in high school. I remember my friend and I marching around her living room when the Sunday Bloody Sunday video would come on. That was back when MTV still played videos.

    I too have been to Mount Bonnell. It is romantic. Waaayyy too many steps.

    Last thought - I would be scared to date you (you know, if I wasn't old and tired and married). You might have too much insite into a woman's thoughts. I like to be the one with all the insites. I would be worried that you were evaluating every move I made based on my reactions. My favorite flower is a tulip, my favorite movie is Flashdance (I'm a girl of the 80's) and I would order an ice cold beer for my first drink on the date.

    Nice post. Can't wait for the trainwreck that is The Bachelor Pad.

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  23. I have to say, I've become a religious reader or your blog! Your wit and one liners always make me laugh. I have shared your blog with most my friends, male and female, and we all agree that your blog is awesome! Keep up the good work. Do you plan on doing anymore "Stuff Girls Like"? Those were hilarious. Being from Utah, and a Mormon I especially got a kick out of the situation when you were in the beauty store and stated that you felt like a "Mormon in a liquor store"! That was hilarious!

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  24. Andrew, it's great to have a guy comment and it's nice to know you "get it." I had no idea that I'd tackled the Mormon demographic with this blog. It's great to know you're out there reading. DP

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  25. Hey Dennis- I'm traveling, scouting a secondary store location and haven't had time to read all your blogs when first published but I just wanted to drop you a quick line to thank you again for mentioning my store in Arlington. I've had several emails and a bunch of new customers that mention you/your blog. Times are still tough on small business and I can't tell you how much I appreciate you drumming up some new clients for me. Have a good weekend! big kiss, arlie

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  26. Leslie in Austin, I think you mean "Unfaithful" but yes, she rocked.

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  27. Arlie, that's great to hear. Keep hosting the panty parties! DP

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  28. NO, I DID NOT like Unfaithful! I guess it is the principal of the thing. I DID however like Untraceable about the internet killer guy.

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  29. "Lonesome Dove"...best "western" EVER. Followed ever so closely by "The Cowboys". I will see your thing for Diane Lane with my older-man crush on Robert Duvall. A classic!

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  30. holy mary, mother of god!
    east coast black out.
    what is happening!!!!!??????????
    not on the season finale!
    please someone email me with updates!

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  31. I love your blog, especially the literary references (are you a member of Garrison Keillor's Professional Organization of English Majors?). Did you catch your (Freudian?) typo -- "love at first site" followed (on purpose) by "you either click or you don't"? Great word play! I'm looking forward to your post on the finale!
    --School Librarian from Michigan

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  32. You had me at question #1 and by the last question, I wanted to propose. Just one problem with that: I'm already married. Really--love your recaps and loved getting to know you through the "tell all." Thanks for the fun!!

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  33. Some Guy, I'm wondering if, like Roberto, you are just too good to be true!! This post needs to be forwarded to husbands who just do not "get it" and sons who are new to the dating world. Sorry that we're all making you blush, but DANG, dude!

    If you like Diane Lane, check out "A Little Romance", from 1979 when she was 13-ish. She plays the daughter of an American couple living in Paris, "falls in love" with a French boy. They run away to Venice with the help of Lawrence Olivier, who tells them that if they "kiss under the Bridge of Sighs their love will last forever". Or something like that. Anyway, its an Oscar winner, funny, intelligent, romantic, blah, blah, blah!

    Love love love Lincee's recaps, too and have always looked forward to the comments from "some guy". Thanks so much for your insight, wit, and cynicism (sp?) Makes me feel a little less guilty for watching the show--"I HAD to--to keep up with the blog"!!

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  34. Ok, let's get one thing straight. I'm thrilled that you all like my post, but I'm just as big a jerk as anyone else. I can provide references, believe me. I am in touch with my feminine side, I suppose, but I still have many faults. Oh, one of those is not 13 year old girls. I appreciate the comment, but I'll stick to the post adolescent Diane Lane. Viewing that movie would give me a chance to see what our kids would look like, though. Hmmmmm. DP

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  35. oh dear, DP, I did NOT mean to suggest anything pervy by reccommending that movie! Its just a sweet little film and I think her first. Very enjoyable for all, including men who are in touch with their feminine side. Great soundtrack, too.

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  36. Have not had time to read this post until now, but it was worth the time to read it. So enjoyed it, your thoughts on life, etc. It's true, most people don't reflect too deeply on themselves and life until they hit the bottom. I know whereof I speak, sadly.

    Did you like Crazy Heart? I saw it twice and it made me want to like country music. So thrilled when Jeff Bridges won the Oscar for that performance, because he really deserved it, in my opinion.

    btw -- I don't typically correct other peoples' writing unless I'm getting paid for it - and never on the internet, which is casual writing, usually - but you mentioned you are obsessed about "mistakes" on your blog. So I will mention you once used later when you meant latter. Didn't make a diff to me; I knew what you meant anyway.


    --Michelle in Chicago

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  37. Some guy --- is the fan page on facebook the same as your main wall page?

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