Ali Bachelorette Episode 7: The Gloves are Off UPDATED

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DP

Wow, it’s Episode 7, or as I prefer to call it this week: Window Dressing. Ali’s search for someone who might possibly be her husband if she’s good enough to be anyone’s wife is in full swing. Unfortunately for Ali and the boys, the wheels predictably came off the Jake and Vienna wagon and it got nasty. I’m happy to know that Harrison is comfortably in the driver’s seat and I trusted him implicitly to sort it all out. For those of you who feel like this week’s episode was merely a required distraction leading up to the big Jake and Vienna “closure” interview, feel free to scroll ahead and read that section prior to reading the recap of the episode. I’ve conveniently separated it for you. You’re welcome. Before I begin, this week’s shout out goes to the wonderful reader from Australia of all places who sent me an email letting me know how much she enjoys the blog. Since Canada is connected, it doesn’t “coont” as another country. So it’s now official. Thank you, person in Australia, for making this an international blog. Let’s get to it.

We begin with an abbreviated montage of last week’s show proving that necessity is indeed the mother of invention. Was I the only one thanking God that I didn’t have to sit through five minutes of stuff I’d seen a week ago only to be reminded again that we were headed to Portugal? No sunsets, soft lighting, or tours of the capital. We hit the ground running this week and, man, it was nice. Jake and Vienna should break up and defame each other every week.

Harrison meets the men in some fancy old town square in Lisbon wearing some sort of black tuxedo shirt thing. He’s on a short leash this week. Portugal smortuagal. He’s got to sort out the breakup thing back in the Golden State. As the men approach they all sport their newest weathered t-shirts and, with the exception of the Bermuda-shorted Frank, they all wear this week’s costume: jeans and flip flops. What is it with Frank’s casual attire anyway? He dresses like an old Jewish man in Miami Beach. All he needs is a pair of black dress socks.

Harrison welcomes the men to Lisbon and as we see a close up of each man we see Ty wondering if he’s going to see a lot of Lisbions this week. After all, gay marriage is illegal in Tennessee and seeing two women in love is a rarity there. Besides, it’s hot when two chicks make out. Well, at least that’s what he appeared to be thinking. Roberto counts the 4 aces up his sleeve and the two dimples on his cheeks and Chris L. hopes that things go well. Prior to hitting an after hours club and pulling an all nighter before being whisked away to the Lisbon airport to return home to L.A., Harrison lets us know that home town dates are at stake this week. There are four dates, no roses, and no room for mistakes. Got it? Good. He’s out.

We see an abridged version of the Wooo Hooo Man Suite as Ty eventually finds the date card. “Roberto, come be the king of my castle,” it reads. That sounds dirty, doesn’t it? Roberto getting the first 1 on 1 date in a country where he knows the language is like giving Babe Ruth and aluminum bat or Tom Jones tighter pants. Understandably—and predictably—Frank freaks out in his anchor shirt. Kirk, whose wardrobe consists entirely of plaid, plays it cool pretending that Roberto is not the greatest thing since the cotton gin. Chris L. just wants to see Ali’s castle.

Ali arrives for the date looking underwhelming in her green tank top and short sparkly skirt. She drops some fake Portuguese she learned from the complimentary Rosetta Stone CD’s everyone got before boarding the plane and tells Roberto that today is a really important day. Isn’t every day with Roberto an important day? Looking frumpy in her testimonial, Ali unconvincingly pretends that something is wrong with Roberto. Sure, there’s “passionate chemistry” but can he be fun? Can Roberto be fun? Could Einstein add?

In an effort to prove to us that Roberto is indeed fun, Roberto and Ali take this week’s camera sponsor’s camera and gallivant playfully through the streets of Lisbon taking action photos of each other. Proving he has two chinks in his armor (remember the first was the fact that he couldn’t rhyme anything in Icelandic), Roberto disappoints by failing to photograph Ali in mid-air as she jumps off some bench. Frankly, I think the camera was broken. Either that or Roberto just faked being a poor photographer.

After the picture taking, Roberto and Ali stroll casually down a busy street and strike some Robert Doisneau (remember him?) poses as he contemplates picking her up. Out of an abundance of caution for his lumbar discs and mindful of the fact that she’s wearing a belt for a skirt Roberto does not pick her up. Besides, if he picked her up all of Lisbon would see Ali’s hoo haa—or however you say that in Portuguese. I’ll bet Roberto knows. In lieu of a pick up and spin, Roberto begins to dance in spite of the onlookers. You’re damn right, he’s fun. Take that, Ali’s fake testimonial.

Roberto and Ali get picked up by a big yellow train and proceed to cuddle on a date strangely reminiscent of Tenley and Jake’s San Francisco date. Ironically, the cuddling is cut short due, in part, to Jake’s failure to pick Tenley and his fateful selection of the floosie from Florida.

Back at the Man Suite Ty and Frank get the dreaded “Let’s find our future in the past” 2 on 1 date card and Frank begins to squeeze the bunny again. He claims that he sees Ty as his biggest competition and we wonder if he’s referencing the “Best Choker on Episode 7” contest or if he’s referring to the quest for Ali’s heart. Chris L. plays it cool in his “Landscapers Do It in the Garden” t-shirt. To be fair, whatever was written on it was blurred out in post-production, so that’s my best guess.

We cut back to Ali and Roberto on the steps of a castle with a ready made repast of wine and cheese. Roberto mimics the high hand hold we’ve seen in the past as he and Ali discuss the possibility of meeting his family. We wonder if there is a herd of Roberto’s running freely though rain soaked fields chasing after wild unicorns in an attempt to domesticate them in whatever town he’s from. “Are you nervous about the hometown?” Ali asks. Hell no, he’s not nervous. Roberto esta muito animado. Alright, I speak Spanish, but not Portuguese. I’ll give the iPhone credit for the translation.

Ali giggles and squirms under her red blanket as she tells Roberto that she can’t figure him out. He can’t REALLY be THAT nice, can he? She wonders, as her daddy issues bubble ever closer to the surface. Frank should have been watching here and taking notes. Instead of taking the daddy didn’t love me bait, Roberto calmly tells Ali that he likes to keep it simple. He tells her that he appreciates the little things and then he compliments her. Ali oozes into her chair, giggles, and begs Roberto to be the king of her castle. Simple indeed, Roberto. Simple indeed.

Let’s face it, I doubt she’ll end up with him, but Roberto is Money. He’s had Ali more excited than a gay parade for weeks now. Hell, he didn’t even have to break out any romance languages this week and he had Ali melting like cheese in a microwave. Speaking of cheese, that’s in direct contrast to Chris L. who has been playing his trump cards since the day he arrived. Roberto sits quietly with his poker face on and plays a pair of dimples. It’s amazing (that’s right, I said it) how a normal, well-adjusted guy on this show stands out like Bermuda shorts in Portugal. To be fair, all of these guys seem relatively normal and nice. Chris L. is a nice enough guy who has obviously had some tough times in the past year. Frank is a neurotic mess but seems sincere—well, at least until he hits Tahiti. Kirk’s sort of one dimensional but nice enough notwithstanding his epic battle with Aspergillus Fumigatus. Ironically, Ali might be the only real nut job here. The date ends with some kissing and smiling. Ali digs Roberto. We’ll see if she can dig herself enough to accept the fact that he digs her too.

Next we cut to the dreaded 2 on 1 date. Ali waits begrudgingly in front of a helicopter and we realize that her “fear” of flying was left alone on a glacier in Iceland. Wait, that was Kasey. Regardless, they board the helicopter and the uncomfortableness begins. Frank, sporting his rugged plaid shirt and jeans looking like Kirk dressed him looked annoyed at Ty’s presence and Ty, dressed in a shirt that looked a lot like Harrison’s black tuxedo shirt except for the fact that it was covered in some ridiculous embroidery, appears annoyed at Frank’s presence. Ty’s shirt looked like a doily. Ali didn’t know whether to compliment him on his shirt or put a glass of tea on it. Ali lets us know that they are about to “travel back in time.” I hoped they would land in the early-90’s so Ty’s sideburns would fit in.

Unfortunately for Ty and his sideburns, the helicopter lands where we soon find out is about 10 miles from the nearest castle. Apparently, the “Ropadope” castle—that’s what it sounded like she said—was given by “some king” to Isabella, Ali tells us as we imagine “that king” rolling over in his grave. About 45 minutes into the hike to the castle, Ty points out a deer and Ali is impressed. Frank wishes they had deer in Chicago.

We cut next to the three of them sitting uncomfortably at dinner. Ali’s pouty lower lip is fully engaged as she dons her Olivia Newton John jacket and tells Frank and Ty that she’s “in a weird place” because it’s been such a tough week.

Side note: This moment clearly illustrates the difference between males and females. If I ever call a woman to tell her “I’m in a weird place” that means that I’m at an odd location like a donkey show in New Orleans or sitting between a homeless guy and a quiet loner type with thick glasses on the subway. Period. When a woman says that to a man, it could mean anything. “Get ready to be burdened by emotional baggage,” is what any man would think upon hearing that phrase from a woman. Frank and Ty were no exception. I’m no armchair Chris Harrison but I think it’s clear that Ali has intimacy and trust issues—or as I like to refer to those problems: Red Flags. She bums everyone out as she broods like Bella Swan. (I had to drop a Twilight reference. It’s all the rage.)

In order to lighten the mood, Frank points out the obvious tension with a joke and Ali laughs. Nice job. Funny beats sideburns and a giant choker any day of the week. In perhaps the dirtiest moment since Ali showed Roberto her castle, Ali lies and pretends she’s had a nice dinner and actually says, “I think it’s time I pull on you, Ty.” Frank and his thumb ring lament her choice of words as he harkens back to the time that the Weatherman tried to pull on him at the mansion in L.A. Frank finishes the remaining wine and we wonder if he’s going to pull on himself.

Ty and Ali walk into a back alley for some more ball busting about Ty’s divorce and his nutty concept of providing a secure home for his wife and family. Ty makes a classic error by not knowing when to shut the hell up as Ali stares vacantly through him. He sees Ali as “a worker.” Dude, SHE’S UNEMPLOYED and she’s been on ABC’s dime for months. In a statement as vague and meaningless as Ali’s pull on Ty statement was dirty, Ty tells her “I want someone to want something.” Ok, Ty. Don’t we all? Ali finally kisses him to shut him up as she envisions the embroidery on his shirt looking fantastic as a design on her new wrought iron staircase in the house she will purchase with ABC’s money and undoubtedly reside in alone. See ya, Ty.

Frank eventually gets an opportunity to get pulled on. He and Ali sit in a tree as he tells her that he quit his job, went to Europe for six weeks, and now lives with his parents. Haven’t we heard this before? I don’t know why Frank was so worried about it all. The only difference between him and Ali is that ABC wasn’t calling him to be the Bachelorette. Well, that and Frank has a dad who loves him, but that’s neither here nor there. Relax, Frank. Ali provides another clue into her intimacy issues when we learn that she left home before 18. Frank has everything she wants and everything she fears, she tells him.

Translation: I’m very attracted to you but I have unresolved intimacy issues. If I pick you, I’ll become increasingly miserable and insecure in our relationship eventually pushing you further and further away until our life becomes an emotional vacuum broken only by my constant proclamations of self-doubt until you eventually succumb to the lack of intimacy in your life by having an affair with a normal, attractive woman who shows an interest in you, thereby affirming and my shattered self-image and my preconceived notion of men as emotionally vacuous, cruel creatures.

Run, Frank. Run.

Back at the suite Roberto takes his turn at reading the date card. Kirk gets the “once upon a time” date but fails to get the fairy tale reference proving that mold sickness affects a person’s ability to remember the most obvious things of all time. He probably has trouble with the words to “Happy Birthday.” Geez. Chris L. picks up the slack, explains the reference, and drops a “Cinderella” on Kirk. In other news, Frank is nervous again and Lisbon is the capital of Portugal. Frank was nervous that Lisbon was not, in fact, the capital but didn’t have time to Google it because he was nervous that Ali was going on a date with Kirk which made him nervous about the rose ceremony.

As we all filled our wine glasses and watched the Jake/Vienna teasers, and grew more anxious to see Jake get his comeuppance, we returned to soldier on through Kirk and Ali’s 1 one 1 date. Kirk shows up in—surprise—a plaid shirt and jeans dressed like a Lisbion. Ali phones in her testimonial in her gray tank with the Mr. T. starter necklace attached to it. Odd choice. She’s still PMS’ing and poor Kirk is going to have to deal with it.

Demonstrating the fact that he’s whimsical yet serious, Kirk sports the bracelet version of the mullet. He’s got his rubber Livestrong bracelet on one arm and his gold bracelet on the other. He’s a party on the left and all business on the right. Is he biking across France or producing adult films? Ali doesn’t notice. She shows up looking very hippy in her short white skirt and her white coat. She looked more like the woman who works the Lancome counter at the Mall of America than this season’s bachelorette. They share beers out of giant pilsner glasses and we wonder what color rubber bracelet signifies the battle against mold sickness.

They get interrupted by a horse drawn carriage. The driver and the horses have clearly received the “We’re short on time” memo from Harrison because they haul ass to some other castle. Ali dons the semi-ubiquitous red blanket as Kirk honestly does his best to open up and be considerate. Ali “has a lot on her mind.” She pouts and hates all of the fun as she tells Kirk that she’s “not super in tune with her emotions” at this point. She’s clearly not super in tune with the English language either. Poor Kirk.

In a last ditch effort to cheer her pouty, fun-hating ass up, Kirk dons a yellow oxford and a sport coat for dinner. They dine al dente surrounded by traffic flares and Kirk does his best to share his emotions despite Ali’s preconceived notion that men are incapable of doing that. I’ll give the guy credit. He’s sort of a dud, but he really did try. She just wasn’t open to it. Kirk pulls out mold sickness again and Ali again wonders if she’s good enough for any man. They walk over to a poor man’s Sophia Loren (yes, I realize she’s Italian, but it’s close enough) as she sings and Kirk doesn’t pretend he can dance. They cuddle. BOOORRRRING…….

*YAWN* When is Jake going to yell at Vienna?

We push on to the final date. Chris L. gets the “Love gets better with age” date and he feigns excitement in his testimonial with his now inside out “Landscapers like it dirty” shirt. Ali shows up in some terribly fitting jeans and Chris L. shows up dressed like a six year old again. She’s concerned because Chris L. is moving slowly. In an effort to kindle intimacy, they jump on a moped in giant helmets and drive around. Ali and her elephant necklace (what’s up with that?) give testimonials with various hair styles and she eventually brings up Chris L.’s mother’s death again, making that subject this season’s Tenley’s ex-husband took my virginity and cheated on me story. Ali, lighten up on the deceased mother questions for God’s sake. Chris L. takes it in stride proving he’s serious about Ali. Although he did equivocate when asked if he’s excited about the hometown, I think he’s genuinely interested in Ali. We all wonder along with Ali if she’s good enough for him.

The remainder of the date is uneventful save the fact that Chris L. presents Ali with a “Dennis Bracelet.” Ali is impressed that some dude in Cape Cod who shares my first name took the time to make her a cheap wire bracelet. Just when we thought he was out of rose-guaranteeing ammunition, Chris L. surprises us. Nice job.

Is Vienna gonna call Jake a fame whore NOW? Not yet.

We move to the rose ceremony where Ali dons her Fruit Stripe gum dress and pouts some more. Harrison shows up to escort her to the Lair of Seclusion with an umbrella. Man, he’s having to work this season. Frank sports his usual Mad Men suit with his tie just shy of closing his carotid arteries. Kirk dons his gray coat and—you guessed it—plaid double Windsor tie perfectly situated on his mold infested neck. Ty wears a nice suit and “Ty.” Roberto took the time to throw on a suit, but still doesn’t tighten the tie because he doesn’t need to. Chris L. pulled off his clip on tie prior to the ceremony.

Ali contemplates the pictures in the Lair of Seclusion on an armoire with the same woodwork design as Ty’s doily shirt. Harrison shows up in a surprisingly festive purple silk tie and states the rules. Ali gives a canned speech and hands out the roses.

1. Chris L. (no surprise here. She’ll have to tell him what to wear for the wedding but he’s a solid guy)

2. Frank (another good choice but he’s so wishy washy and neurotic I don’t think it will be a surprise when doubt begins to creep in next week)

3. Roberto (ahhhhh, Roberto. We’ll see if Ali squeezes the bunny in the hometown next week as her insecurity becomes an issue.)

4. Kirk (he rallied in his 1 on 1. Nice save, mold boy)


Ali pouty lips Ty out of a rose and they stand in the rain as Ty tries not to get angry. He’s disappointed and was luckily saved by the time constraints as he began to get a tad bitter over his elimination. He’ll do well back in Tennessee. He’s a tad cheesy but if customs will do him a favor and confiscate his choker case, he’ll meet a traditional Southern girl that will make him happy. Nice run, Ty.

Well, there we are. With the Amazing count at an unabridged 110 and Ali’s insecurities growing like the mold behind Kirk’s dormitory walls, we move on to the home town dates. Until then, if you need me, I’ll be making bracelets for strangers.

JAKE and VIENNA

Well, well, well. It’s funny how life had a tendency to make things come full circle, isn’t it? Before I get to the carnage, let me make a couple of points. First, I went back and looked at some of my old blog entries from Jake’s season and I have to say that I had both Jake and Vienna pegged from the get go. That’s not self-congratulatory it’s just the way it is. I also want to say that I’m usually wrong about most of this stuff—Ed and Jillian, for instance—but it feels good to be dead on this time.

Disclaimer: Normally, my philosophy is to fire a shot across the bow. I try not to be deliberately or unnecessarily mean unless I feel like a person has brought it on him or herself. In this case, I think Jake has opened himself up for the full court press. He arrogantly returned during Jillian’s season after being kicked off to tattle on Wes for something that turned out to be false, proclaimed himself “too perfect” for relationships, and indignantly looked down his nose at everyone around him as he chose Vienna and tried to parlay the show into an acting career all while positioning himself as the Aww shucks pilot from Denton. Ironically, it turns out that he went on the show for the infamous “wrong reasons.” Somewhere in a small apartment in South Austin sits Wes Hayden with a beer in one hand, the remote in the other, and a huge grin on his face. Vienna was trashy and annoying, but she’s also young, spoiled, and inexperienced. As we saw last night, she actually learned a few things from this experience. Frankly, she surprised me. Let’s get to it.

“Look, if this guy wants to put his starter home and gazebo at risk by marrying a 23 year old Hooters waitress with a bitter, broke ex-husband and an unhealthy attraction to her own father, so be it. It’s not like he wasn’t warned.” ---Some Guy from Austin, Jake Episode 7 Blog

We begin with—as if we needed it—Chris Harrison introducing himself. He lauds the show, tells us he’s sad, plays the Ryan and Trista have kids card, and sets up the vicious, hateful, bitter end status of Jake and Vienna’s “love affair” and touts the need for closure. Read: I hate this part of my job but it’s good for the ratings.

Jake emerges with his best “this is serious business” face on clearly uncomfortable to be there. TV contracts are a bitch, aren’t they, Jake; especially when you sell your soul. He tells Harrison that he’s “still processing” his emotions—whatever that means. According to Jake, he was “2000 miles away” when it all came tumbling down around him. Oh, he wasn’t ready to stop fighting for love, though and he can’t believe Vienna is doing this to him. Translation: I’m perfect and I still think I’m perfect and it’s all her fault.

Enter Vienna looking nervous. Harrison drops a hug on her and she keeps it together long enough to make it to the couch next to Mr. Perfect. I don’t know how funny the rest of this entry is going to be. At this point, I felt more like venting than making fun of this exchange. The sanctimonious look on Jake’s stupid face as he was playing the victim was infuriating. Was I the only one who wanted to smack that “I’m better than you” smirk off of his five foot frame?

Ever professional and anxious to get moving, Harrison reiterates his dinner date with Jake and Vienna mere weeks ago and we picture him filling out his ABC expense report. Item 1: Hooters Newport Beach: Jake and Vienna Pre-Break Up Dinner. Vienna begins by sharing with us what we already knew. The first month was absolute bliss before Jake revealed what we also knew. He’s unemotional, controlling, condescending, and sexless. That about sums it up. We should have quit there, but Harrison wanted answers. He wanted the truth. Fortunately for us, Harrison can handle the truth.

Vienna goes on about having to beg for kisses and Harrison turns the screws as only he can about Vienna selling her story to the tabloids. Vienna, showing that her PR people anticipated the question, answers that the relationship was already public and that she knew Jake would sell out first. Despite Jake’s unconvincing smirk, we know she’s right. Score one for Vienna. Lazy eye and all, she got past the first round unscathed. Jake sits there stewing in contempt.

Let me just say that I’ve had some nasty break ups. We all have. If any one reading this would not honestly take upwards of the reported $90K that she denied getting (it was probably $89K) to rat out a jerk of an ex-boyfriend, then I’ve got a starter home in Denton I’d like to sell you. Harrison was doing his job, be we know he understands. He has to. He’s Chris Harrison.

Jake gets a turn to speak and begins—in my opinion—to dig his own grave. He’s mad and disgusted with Vienna. What? Mad and disgusted? He’s the one who kept the relationship in the spotlight by getting a spray tan, putting on rhinestones, and going on Dancing with the Stars attempting to parlay the show into an acting career. Vienna drops “fame whore” on him and the pettiness sinks lower than the Titanic in the North Sea. In a classic moment, Vienna calls him out on is career as a “pilot” saying she thought they’d move to Dallas and start a life. Score two for Vienna.

At this point, Jake still had a choice. He could have let Vienna rant on like a spoiled brat (she did anyway) and simply taken the high road, apologized for the confusion, and moved on. He took the other path. “At least I’m pursuing a career in something,” he says and millions of women across America tried not to spill their chardonnay as they gasped in horror before laughing hysterically. Harrison sits back and basks in the carnage like Col. Kurtz in Apocalypse Now. Vienna counters with “liar” and Jakes offers nothing in return except an indignant “tsk, I’m better than you” glance. Score three for Vienna.

Unprepared and clearly losing ground to the obviously immature Vienna, Jake accuses her of infidelity. Again, prepared for the accusation, Vienna offers proof that Jake’s story just doesn’t add up. She was with a gay guy she tells us. We assume she didn’t mean Jake and wonder how she knows the Weatherman. She was at a charity event and Jake knew it. Jake offers nothing. Point Vienna.

Vienna wants Jake to take a “Poliagrah” test and demands to know if ABC has one lying around. Incidentally, the poliagraph test is well known for its ability to accurately detect lying, egomaniacal, cheese balls with delusions of tremendous self-importance. Perfect. Score another point for Vienna.

At this point the entire thing deteriorated into an unwatchable mess. Harrison let the bickering go on far too long and eventually stepped in to get ABC’s questions answered. He is, after all, a Company guy. Vienna defends her decision to get paid for her story. Frankly, I found it incredibly hypocritical of the show to give her a hard time about selling the story considering the way they rode the wagon for the past two weeks. I’d be willing to bet that a 30 second ad spot on this portion of the show ran more than the $90K Vienna allegedly got for telling her side of the story.

Jake continues to be smug, condescending, and mean to Vienna. He can’t believe his authority has been challenged. To be fair to Jake, Vienna did act like a spoiled brat. She began to drive me crazy with the interrupting too, but again, he should have let her come unwound and let that speak for itself. Instead, he got aggressive and, despite having no evidence whatsoever to the contrary, denied he’d done anything wrong. Bad move. He should have called Roz Papa and chatted her up prior to the interview. Even with Harrison’s repeated help and softball questions, Jake failed to come across as sympathetic. Hell, he didn’t even deny the fame whore accusation.

Harrison asks Vienna “will you disappear?” after this interview. He really wanted to add “please” after the question, but didn’t. She says she’s staying in L.A. and has a job. Jake pisses on it. Another point for Vienna. He drops a “be quiet while I’m talking” and we begin to see that she’s right about his temper and superior attitude. Another point for Vienna.

The interview eventually spirals out of control until Jake and Vienna argue about her dog. Harrison eventually intervenes with a priceless comment. “Ok, we don’t really care about the dog,” he says. We assume he meant Vienna’s pet and not Vienna. Eventually, Jake snaps at Vienna for interrupting him, she cries, quits the interview, and leaves Harrison and Jake high and dry. Jake looks like an a**hole and we are finally glad to see that he’s getting what he threw at Wes thrown back at him ten fold.

All in all, I think Vienna was not only telling the truth, but serious about getting on with her life. Jake—as if anyone cares about his acting “career”—has some damage control to do. In the end, he might just end up signing autographs at air shows in the pilot uniform he used to wear when he had a job flying cargo planes full of Chinese junk from Dallas to Pittsburg. We shall see.

Harrison thanks both of them for meeting their contractual obligation, drops an “it is what it is,” and hands Jake a cue card with the definition of “karma” on it before mercifully ending the interview. Thank God that’s over. PLEASE give me your thoughts by commenting below. I'm sure some of you saw it differently. Until next season’s break up, I’m out. DP