Wednesday, July 29, 2009

More to Love in Spin Class

Well, considering the fact that it’s a slow day in reality tv land, I have to find something else to write about. If I’m being honest, I have to admit that I was too tired to watch “More to Love” on my DVR last night. I realize I’m pathetic for recording it, but I figured what the hell. Why shouldn’t the plump have a chance to fall in love on national television? I’m sick of seeing attractive women make whores of themselves fawning over a suit and tie with zero personality and visa versa. Let’s give the overweight crowd something else to worry about. At any rate, I’m looking forward to the oh so subtle different approach the producers will inevitably have to take toward the larger crowd. No pool parties, daring athletic dates, or too much chocolate in the fantasy suite. There will probably be a hefty Chris Harrison host and a lot of references to inner beauty and love being blind. There will undoubtedly be the formerly super fat girl who lost 100 plus pounds and now seeks her soulmate. My only concern is that the mix of plus-sized women is going to include a bunch of girls that are accustomed to hanging out with the skinny beautiful girls who always get the man while they are relegated to stitting in the corner of some trendy martini bar with the hot girls' purses while they all dance with guys in sport coats. Do we really need to see girls like that get rejected by the first guy who has probably ever paid any attention to them? I pray that they have a counselor on site at that mansion. I’m so excited.

In the meantime, I’m sitting here in a café in Austin, Texas re-hydrating after an hour of Spin class. Without belaboring the point, I’m sure that everyone is aware of what Spin class is. Generally, it’s an hour on an exercise bike with an instructor. I like it for several reasons. First, it’s finite. I don’t find myself wandering from machine to machine or seeking my zen place on the treadmill until I’m too bored to run or lift anymore. My mind always gives up before my body. With Spin, all I have to do is do what the person in front of me does on the bike until the music stops. God willing, the person in front of me is female and she’s attractive. It’s amazing how fast that hour passes. Second, I don’t have to be polite to anyone. My bike is my bike for the hour I’m on it. No, “excuse me, are you done using that machine” or “can I work in?” I’m able to be selfish with no consequences. That’s a nice change from the rest of my usual days. Third, I don’t have to deal with meatheads. No, muscle bound bozo wearing clothes too small for himself and carrying around a gallon jug of pureed meat and protein mix ingesting 1500 calories during "Chest Day" writing down his reps and feelings before going to the tanning booth is in my class or my way. That’s always a plus. It’s bad enough I have to deal with that guy if I happen to want to enter a bar in Dallas. I try to minimize my exposure to pumped up gym guy. Spin class is a good way to do that.

What I don’t understand, however, is why people feel compelled to wear full biking attire in Spin class. Granted, the biking shoes are necessary since the pedals require them. I get that. Bike shorts? Ok, maybe. That’s a lot of moving around on a bike seat. Cycling shirt? Yellow jersey? Come on. It’s a stationary indoor bike. There is no need to hoard power bars or energy shots in the rear pockets of the shirt. The wind is not a factor and there is no support car following you. There’s no chance of getting a flat and you’re not going to circle the Champs Elysse. Let the dream go and just work out. Besides, everyone in my Spin class should know that I win every time.