Friday, February 26, 2016

Ben is Boring and The Apple Store Sucks

Hello, Readers.  Look, I've been so busy with work this week I haven't had the time to do much that makes me happy.  That's just the reality of things.  Speaking of reality, I just glossed over my notes from this week's Bachelor in hopes of throwing something together in my carved-out hour of writing time today.  

At first, I was convinced that I had  horrible case of Writer's Block; however, after careful, measured reflection I've come to realize that the show is boring this season.  It's also uncommonly predictable.  Ergo, my heretofore misdiagnosed Writer's Block.  The truth is that I just don't have much to say about it this week.  Let me try, however.     

First, the letter from JoJo's ex-boyfriend looked like it was written by a female ABC intern.  I'm not buying the fact that Chad uses XOXO to sign his letters or that he dots his I's with hearts.   I'm also not buying the strategically placed roses outside of the Uptown Dallas condo that JoJo's dad bought for her.  

Every guy knows this.  If you order roses for a woman and she's not home when they try to deliver them, the florist calls you and they keep them refrigerated in the truck until they can track her down.  Every. Guy. Knows. This.  It's common knowledge.  

And don't tell me "Chad" picked them up and left them there coincidentally when JoJo would be arriving home after 3 weeks out of town with a television crew in tow.  Nonsense.  "Chad" doesn't strike me as the flowers at the airport baggage claim guy.  

By the way, I'm sick of that guy.  It makes the rest of us look like we're not trying.  If you're that guy, knock it off.  

Oh, and an a**hole from Dallas named Chad?  That's easier to find than a coffee shop in Seattle or a guy named Hector on a construction crew.  Aside from Sean Lowe and Tony Romo, every white guy from Dallas is named Chad.  In fact, I think both of JoJo's "brothers" were named Chad.  That whole situation was a bit creepy, was it not?  

My predictions for the Fantasy Suite: 

1.   JoJo gives it up faster than Usain Bolt can run the 200.

2.   Lauren gives it up but makes him a nice gift before she gets defiled.

3.  Caila gives it up but somehow fumbles the ball on the goal line after she gets defiled.  

My best guess is that JoJo and Lauren make the final two.  I've said that Lauren B.'s simplicity compared to the edgier JoJo will win out.  The ex-boyfriend and hyper aggressive alpha-male step-brothers certainly didn't help JoJo's case and Lauren has been, if nothing else, consistent all season.  I'm confident that she'll be sort of engaged for an indefinite period of unspecified time and that JoJo will lose her shot at becoming the temporary-almost-Mrs. Ben Higgins.  

Now, I'd like you to humor me as I rant about what's really on my mind today.  

Ok, so why am I cranky and uninspired today?  Well, let me allow all of you to peek behind the Some Guy curtain for a moment.  Lord knows there's a lot to see behind my curtain.  

Anyone who knows me is aware that my biggest pet peeve BY FAR is waiting in line for anything.  I hate it.  I mean really hate it.  Another one of my pet peeves is bad service or incompetence accompanied by apathy.  Examples?  A waiter who doesn't know about the menu or getting the wrong thing at the drive through.  Perfection is not required but I expect a certain amount of competence and pride in whatever is being done.  I just want people to do the job they're being paid to do.  It's that simple.  When that doesn't happen, it drives me nuts, especially if I have to wait in line for it.   

How far will I go to avoid both of these from invading my day?  Trust me, it crosses the Unreasonable Line into the Ridiculous. 

I've actually paid an additional $300 to upgrade my airplane seat 6 rows so I didn't have to wait to exit the plane.

I paid $800 for a new iPhone because I was told I'd have to make an appointment at the Apple Store to get my broken one fixed.

I once drove past 2 bagel shops and one breakfast place in my neighborhood because I saw a line when I pulled into the parking lot.  I ended up not eating.    

Crazy?  Maybe, but I can't get around it.  

Another pet peeve?  Millennials.  Not everyone in the entire generation, just the vast majority of them.  I know I sound like an old man, but to be fair, many of the qualities that made me angry when I was in my 20's are now embodied in that generation.  In other words, I hated most of them before they were born. 

Little did I know that I was headed for the perfect storm when I broke that phone I paid $800 for in order to replace the other one I paid $500 for a few months prior to that.  Yes, you heard that correctly.  So here's how this sets up. 

Months ago, I dropped my iPhone.  Because I'm a minimalist, I refused to buy a giant rubber case for my iPhone.  Let's just forget about the fact that Apple has the balls to charge me $40 bucks for it.  The iPhone 6S is already big enough.  Putting a giant case on it is like carrying a gas station restroom key chained to a 2X4 to prevent it from being stolen.  If it won't snugly and unassumingly fit in the front pocket of a pearl snap shirt, I don't want it.  That rule of thumb, by the way, saves me a lot of aggravation.  

I won't belabor the background and I promise to get to my point.  When I broke the first phone, I made the mistake of going to AT&T--you know, where I bought the phone--to replace it.  I was given the "we're just the service provider we don't handle repair or replacement" canned speech and told I had to go to Apple.  I called Apple first from the AT&T Store and was told I had to make an appointment.  The guy was nice enough to dial them from the land line for me.   

The call went something like this:

SGIA:  Appointment?  I'm not going to the dentist.  I'm coming in a retail store to give you some more of my money.  Why do I need an appointment to give you money?  

APPLE:  Sorry, sir (read: jerk), you'll have to make an appointment at the Genius Bar so they can look at your phone.  

SGIA:  Genius Bar?  Hold on.  (to AT&T guy behind counter)  How much will it cost me to get a phone right here right now? 

ATT:  $800 but I think you should just . . . .

SGIA:  Ring it up.   

Fast forward to early this week and picture my eyes widening in slow motion as my phone tumbled from my hand on to the sidewalk in front of me shattering the screen.  I'll spare you the four letter words that followed in quick succession . . . all 100 of them.  

So I'm sitting in my car realizing that I now have two iPhones with broken screens that need to be fixed.  The trip to The Apple Store was now as inevitable as the sunset.  I called from my cracked phone and made an appointment.  Like it or not, I'd have to play their game.  

gen·ius  (ˈjēnyəs/)  

noun: genius; plural noun: geniuses

exceptional intellectual or creative power or other natural ability."she was a teacher of genius"

synonyms:
brilliance, intelligence, intellect, ability, cleverness, brains, erudition, wisdom, fine mind; Moreartistry, flair 
"the world knew of his genius"


talent, gift, flair, aptitude, facility, knack, bent, ability, expertise, capacity, faculty; strength, forte, brilliance, skill, artistry 
"she has a genius for organization"



Let's see.  Issac Newton, Albert Einstein, Ludwig Von Beethoven, Rene Descartes,  and every single person that works retail in the back of the Apple Store.  Sounds about right, doesn't it?   

Here are my observations upon showing up for my Apple appointment. 

1.  The store is, by definition, designed to draw all of the customers to the back.  ANYTHING that needs to be accomplished there--other than playing with all of the Apple devices--must occur at the back of the store.  In other words, it's designed for Apple's benefit rather than for the customer's convenience. 

Just in case there is any question about that, there's a guy in a blue shirt within 5 feet of the door wearing $10,000 worth of electronics hanging from various parts of his blue Apple shirt and skinny jeans holding an iPad that--by the looks of it--contains the answer to every single possible question he could be asked.  I know this because he never made eye contact with me he just stared into his iPad rapidly punching the screen.    

I wondered for a second if he wasn't in the process of putting the final touches on his avant garde movie or finishing his online application at Starbucks.  

The answer to all of those millions of possible questions, by the way, is "go see another guy in a blue shirt with $10,000 worth of electronics hanging from various parts of his blue Apple shirt and skinny jeans holding an iPad at the back of the store."   

2.  There are 200 employees who cannot help me with $10,000 worth of electronics hanging from various parts of their blue Apple shirts and skinny jeans holding iPads between the guy at the front door and the guy at the back of the store.  They don't look up from their iPads either.  

3.  The guy at the back of the store's job?  As best as I can tell, his job is to ask me the same questions I was asked by the guy up front, type knowingly into his iPad and then respond, "wait over there, someone will be right with you" while simultaneously pointing to an empty area.  

I won't bore you with all of the details, but because I had two phones repaired, I ended up making four visits to The Apple Store.  Numbers 1-3 were identical each time.  They are, if nothing else I suppose, consistent.  

4.  The other 198 people working at the store cannot help me unless their iPad sends them a message to speak with me.  They might as well unionize or work for the government.  They're only allowed to perform one function and have no interest in doing anything but that one function--whatever that may be.  

I was actually "helped" by a woman who emerged from behind the Wizard of Oz-esque giant silver door behind the "Genius Bar."  She looked at her iPad (a job requirement) and actually said--and I mean this--"Great SGIA, someone will be right out to pick up your damaged phone and take it back for repair" before she hit a spot reading "Enter" on her iPad and walked back behind the giant silver door.  I literally thought they were f*cking with me. 

So I waited.  And waited.  I waited in fear of leaving the spot I was told to stand on because I thought if I moved, I would somehow reset the Apple front-to-back-to-Genius checker-to-next guy behind the door continuum. After all, these are geniuses I'm dealing with and I'm far too stupid to second guess them.  After I got sick of waiting, I began to wander.  

5.  NOTHING has a price on it.  I take that back.  The Beats headphones have a $399 price tag buried on the back right hand corner in small font but it takes real effort to find it.  

I resented the intentional manipulation.  Granted, the entire marketing industry is designed around manipulating the customer, but it was something about the patent, unapologetic way in which it occurred in the store that I found offensive.  

What?  No price?  Oh, shucks.  I guess that means I have to ask someone who will tell me about the product, try and upsell me, and can "conveniently" ring it up (on the ubiquitous iPad) right there so I don't have time to rethink it as I walk to the cash register. 

6.  "SGIA?"  I heard my name.  Finally.   A glance at my watch (not an Apple watch) told me that I had been in the store for my "appointment" for a full 42 minutes before actually (I presumed) getting to someone who could help me.  

The guy shook my hand as if to say "you're about to get bent over the Genius Bar" and had the balls to ask me "what can we do for you today?"  Are you shitting me?  I was so shocked that one of the Geniuses addressed me with a direct interrogatory statement and looked me in the eye while doing it rather than regurgitating what was on the iPad 6 inches in front of his face and attached to his non-dominant hand that I actually answered.   After some more iPad punching, I surrendered the phone--and $109--so he could take it behind the giant silver door.  

I think we all get the picture at this point.  As I type this my Apple experience is still not over.  The second phone is being repaired and I have to run back through the gauntlet in a bit.  I can't wait to repeat myself for an hour again.  

I suppose Tim Cook is to blame for all of this.  It is, after all, his company to run.  However, Tim Cook happens to be gay--a fact completely irrelevant to anything having to do with Apple--so I don't want to criticize him for fear of being labelled homophobic.  Rampant political correctness is perhaps the most annoying byproduct of the millennial generation.  

For the record, I could not care less if a man dressed as Joan Crawford with a Liza Minelli Fan Club card in his purse floated out from behind the Genius Bar like Snow White skipping through the forest to assist me as long as he did it competently.  I'm very gender non-specific in that way.     

I'm certain that my experience and my frustration are not unique.  Let's face it, though.  When it comes to technology the Millennial Generation runs the show and the experience at The Apple Store is the perfect metaphor for that generation and a larger statement about our entire society.  

Technology has taken away the common sense human element of simple interactions and created layers upon layers of inefficiency tantamount to what communism did to Russian society.  Instead of standing in line for bread and milk to be rationed by the government, we now stand in line waiting for iPhones and half-truths to be rationed by "Geniuses".   

Instead of standing tall to sing the Russian National Anthem at the local rally, we're all walking around humming the default ring on the iPhone.  How many times have you grabbed your pocket or your purse in search of your phone only to discover that it's someone else's phone that was ringing?  

All the more reason for me to move to Montana, write my own Constitution, and live in a buried school bus.  I wonder if I could get internet access, though.   

Steve Jobs is the Henry Ford of his time.  There's no question that Apple products and innovation have changed the world for the better.  It just hasn't done the same for the retail business.   

Well, that's it.  Share your Apple Store stories below.  I'll read them while I'm waiting on a Genius.  

DP


49 comments:

  1. I shatter a lot of iPhones. They have kiosks in most malls that will fix them for you within 30 minutes for around $50. Never had an issue with any of the repairs. The Apple stores are terrible.

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    1. Good to know. I wish you'd have told me that last week! DP

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  2. Get the tempered glass screen cover. It adds nothing to the size of the phone, it's cheap, and it's saved me from shattered screens twice. The first time it happened, I took it to the Geniuses, and they took great pleasure in informing me that I had shattered the cover, not the screen. Then they told me to buy another cover.

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    1. Solid advice. Let me guess, that costs 40 bucks too. DP

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    2. Nobody knows. There's no price on it.

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    3. Exactly. I'd probably have to make an appointment to find out. DP

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  3. Every time I walk into the Apple Store I see dollar signs over every customer's head. And though the steady stream consisting of the customers in the back shaking a crisp Bennie or two to get their device fixed, the non-millennial I worked with last time told me that it is pennies in comparison to the $$$$ made towards the front of the store.

    For the record, this boredom on Mondays has been worse than watching the oh-so-not-suave Juan Pablo. I am not a sicko but I can't wait to see him tell two chicks that he loves them and then watch the drama that ensues.

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    1. Exactly. They have to get you in the back and make you walk slowly back to the front before they lower the boom. And you're not a sicko. That's why we all watch. DP

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  4. And THAT, dear Some Guy, is why my phone is and Android device. Nexus 6P. Best phone I've ever owned. I will never - and I mean NEVAH - own an iPhone.

    I don't mind waiting, but I do hate incompetence. Sends me right off the edge.

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    1. I'll have to check out the android, although I don't have a problem with the phone, just the store.

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    2. I was going to say the same thing - every 2nd iPhone I see has a cracked screen (even WITH a cover), while I've dropped my Android 1000 times and it's still fine. Which begs the question, why can't Apple make a better screen?

      (And sorry, SGIA, it is frustrating.)

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  5. The only time I've experienced the 7th circle of hell that is the Apple store, in Dallas, my Genius was named Chad. True story.

    I've liked JoJo this whole time until that family - the tacky house, the mother whose face didn't move, the very odd father, and the roid rage brothers should've been red flags to Ben. Agree Lauren will "win", and JoJo will be the Bachelorette perhaps?

    Also, 90% of Millenials are the worst. That is all.

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    1. A genius named Chad. That IS horrible. JoJo's mom's faced moved . . . ten years ago.

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  6. You need a drink. Maybe JoJo's mom can help.

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  7. I bet you feel so much better! Writing my frustrations always releases some of that tension. I have never successfully been helped at the Apple Store (although my family of 4 has 6 active devices, plus old dead ones), however I could write a very similar blog about how much I hate AT&T stores. And ticketmaster.

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    1. Agree about both. I'd add Time Warner Cable to that list.

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  8. unrelated, but related: curious to know your opinion on Apple's refusal to assist the FBI.

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    1. Tough issue. The guy is dead so he has no right to due process. However, the phone was government property because his employer owned it and there's more than probable cause to open it. The big issue is can the government force Apple to create a software to unlock the phone. The content of the phone is almost incidental at this point. Frankly, I'm not sure how that one plays out in court.

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  9. SGIA, sorry you had such a bad time with your phones. But you can make the rants funnier than most people.
    As to the Bachelor-my observations were limited cause I lost the video feed halfway through the date with Calia. My thoughts were mainly how did Amanda keep that top on and where is that cool whiskey library in Portland or as Lauren called it the libary. My video came back on just in time to see JoJo's mom swigging from the champagne bottle -that was priceless! What a scary family that is. Ben should run far far away from that bunch. Funny to know that one of those brothers was on a dating show so why give Ben the first degree?
    Can't tell if editing is screwing with us again and making the ending seem more dramatic than it really is but now I am thinking Lauren may be the one he picks.
    Sal in Utah

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    1. Video feed? Do YOU live in a buried school bus in the mountains? DP

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  10. Oh my, this made me laugh so hard. Try waiting in the same spot with a 4 year old! My then 4 year old son dropped his iPad and broke the power button. For 1 hour, I stood in the same spot afraid to move for fear of missing my appointment at the Genius Bar. Thankfully my iPad was replaced at no cost, but I have never stepped foot into another Apple Store due to the very same thing you describe.

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    1. Did your 4 year old accept the gateway drug iPads they put out in order to hook them in early?

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  11. Ben seems attracted to the element of "she might not love me as much as I love her," hence his history. I agree he's interested in uncomplicated personalities. Amanda appears a devoted mother and sincere but as a date almost emotionless. She described her feelings of happiness and sadness with the same facial expression and timbre of voice, which was unsettling. Caila--don't think she's ready. JoJo--like her and wondering how she emerged from the family dynamics she has. The drama around Chad though. (Chad. Drama. Doesn't go together.) Lauren--seems nice. Family great. When the couple doesn't spent all their precious minutes dissecting their relationship it's always a good sign and he and Lauren spend very little time talking about their relationship. I don't know. I always start out liking the bachelor and by the end I'm disillusioned. This seems a failing in the show format more than the individuals. Why don't we get to hear them really talk about their lives on a deeper level? This so seldom happens on the show. It seems like they're sharing something but really not. It's repetition and platitudes. I was impressed Ben actually cried when Lauren's sister questioned him. It was nice to see a feeling.
    K.D.

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    1. If you want deep, go to the ocean. This is The Bachelor we're talking about. Great observations. I agree.

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  12. Dude - really? Put a case on it, and get over yourself. I've never cracked a screen. ;) How do you spelling boring? B-E-N. This season has been painful. Can't wait to see who they put on the block next. Thanks for entertaining us amidst life and work -- much appreciated.

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    1. Thanks Heather. That's just what I needed to hear to completely reform my entire personality. I'm so grateful.

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  13. The minute I read that a pet peeve of yours is millenials, I knew it was going to be a good post. Our church just let go of an temporary associate pastor because she's so unbelievably self absorbed that she never connected with anyone. Her phone must be surgically attached to her hand because she's on it CONSTANTLY. Last summer on the senior high mission trip that she was in charge of, she took every opportunity to talk about herself and never got to know the kids. The kids kept coming to the rest of the adults saying "is this chick for real?" Even they got that this behavior was not normal. And when teenagers tell you that they think an "adult" (she's 31) is on her phone too much, you know it's a problem. She may think she's called to do God's work, but I think she got a wrong number. Thankfully she's history as of Monday.
    Really sorry you had such a crappy week - hope Mrs. SGIA is a good sounding board for you and that you had a lot of Lone Stars in the fridge. Thanks for continuing to entertain us!!

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    1. Yup. Beyond annoying and they never seem to acknowledge it.

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  14. You perfectly captured the frustration I feel on a regular basis regarding the inefficiency of tasks that used to be so simple. I am constanly bewildered by the incompetence and lack of common sense so rampant in today's society. Your comparison to communist Russia was brilliant. Loved the whole recap/rant!

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    1. Bigger than Genious!
      Paula K in Sacramento

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  15. Hey Someguy, ever notice that you get what you focus on? Bad service, millennials, pigs puns and even good things. For me it was people spitting, I could be anywhere in the city, and always manage to look over just in time to see some (other) guy making a contribution. (Always a guy.)

    It's called the Law of Attraction and you may not buy into it, but nevertheless, that's how it works. Watch and see.

    (The trick is switching your focus; simple! Not always so easy.)

    xo
    AN

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    1. I think you're referring to Reticular Activism. Your point is well taken. However, I had no expectations when I went to the Apple Store. It was a new experience so I can't say that I "attracted" a bad vibe prior to that. I do believe in the focus point you make and have, in fact, lived on the extreme ends of the spectrum in that regard. I do hope you realize that what you see on the screen is often a mix of fact and hyperbole in order to entertain my readers.

      DP

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    2. Nope, wasn't referring to reticular activism, and your point of attraction started well before you walked into the Apple store. Just like there might be a long line-up no matter where you go (assuming that part of your tale is true) even somewhere new, and just like I had no expectation that my neighbor was going to gob off his porch just as I pulled into the driveway today.

      An

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    3. P.S.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m2E5_W88Fg

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  16. Hi SGIA,

    I agree with you on several counts.
    1) Ben and this season are boring.
    2) Waiting in line sucks. If I someday drop my basket and complete lose it, I am absolutely certain that waiting in line will be in the chain of events preceding said basket dropage.
    3) The Apple Store is indeed a portal to Hell. In fact, I did not even believe in Hell until I went to one and was greeted by the smug cadre of Satan's little millennial genius helpers. Now, I believe.

    I have no solutions for numbers 1 & 2. Sorry about that. But I do for the cracked screen dilemma, at least for your next phone.

    It is not a case that protects the screen from cracking, it is a screen protector. I invest in a good one. I read about screen protector comparison, and this one worked when the phone was dropped from a 2 story building. I figured that was good enough for even the butteriest of butter fingers like me. I mean, I drop my phone all. the. time.

    http://www.zagg.com/us/en_us/invisibleshield/apple-iphone-6-screen-protector/glass-apple-iphone-6

    (To further protect from scratches, I do get a cheap clear case--not from Apple, but I just order a cheapy one on Amazon. If you are concerned only with cracked screens, just the screen protector is sufficient).

    Does it give my minimalist soul some angst to buy more crap after I just shelled out whatever ridiculous sum for a new phone? Yes, a little. But then I remember that not having phone problems keeps me away from the smarmy Apple Store, and I can't whip out my card fast enough.

    ~Kim in Florida (who, along with uncracked iPhone, is coming to Austin next week!!!!)

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    1. Thanks, Kim. Shoot me an email where you'll be in Austin. If I can sneak away I'll buy you a Lone Star.
      DP

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  17. Wow. Scares me to think this might be what goes on in a customer's head while they're waiting in line and look impatient! I've just started a new job at a store where we have a lot of services and products and even ringing up takes me a lot longer than the people who have been there a long time. Funny, we just had a staff meeting today in which the manager told us it's better to take our time and make sure we get all the numbers and sequences right instead of rushing and making a mistake. Apparently, someone in another store had inadvertently transposed the purchase amount and the digits on the card and it was bad~! Even if people have to wait a few extra minutes, it's better to get it right than make a mistake and have to deal with the aftermath of that.

    Sometimes there's a logic to the bureaucracy. I use Verizon and they have the same system where you come in and a greeter queues you on their computer. They have two service desks - one for billing, the other for technical support, and roaming sales reps on the floor. So you can see that if they just let people queue freely, where they guess they might as well stand, they're liable to wait long time at the desk that can't help them, or constantly get beat out for help by more aggressive customers. There's no perfect solution.

    Amanda happy and sad looking the same - remember in her intro bio she said she gets Botox injections already. Botox works by blocking signals from the nerves to the muscles so that eventually after so much of it, the person can barely talk - like Cher, etc., or JoJo's mom.

    No doubt the JoJo-Chad thing was totally producer driven. Her acting wasn't even believable. But the timing of her hometown had been spoiled all over social media, including even earlier by RS. He wouldn't have had to look far to figure that out.

    I did like Caila much better after seeing her hometown. For the first time I felt like she really relaxed and was herself. I'd even be fine with her being Bachelorette.

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    1. Good points, Tara. I understand the "logic" behind the madness. However, I think communicating that to the customer in a better way is the issue rather than the process itself. I don't think Amanda is quite at the JoJo's mom stage of botox yet but that was funny. Caila? Meh. She doesn't do it for me but seems nice enough. DP

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  18. Yet another reason we don't do anything Apple related at our house, They force you to use their products and services only. We are all android at our house and there is no standing in line for hours at a store. But that's neither here nor there. Just another option!

    I like Ben but this season has been boring. Maybe it's because he's actually a pretty decent guy? We all know he's going to pick Lauren though. If not, he's crazy. Then again, all Bachelors and Bachlorettes are crazy. (I mean, come on, it's national TV!)

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  19. Ditto, ditto, ditto!!

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    1. I know. My dad and I discussed his recent jump to the LG phone yesterday. I use Apple because I've used Apple. It's a cycle. DP

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  20. Love your recaps always but your Apple story probably couldn't have been beaten even with the right Bachelor material. Thanks for allowing us to laugh at your frustrations!

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  21. Welcome to my world, Some Guy!!! I work in an office with several Millennials and deal with their "special mentality" daily!!! True, not ALL of them are obnoxious but I get where you are coming from. And to add insult to injury, my upbringing in the hospitality industry makes me cringe at the lack of sincere customer service in today's world. From early on in my career, it was impressed upon me to make eye contact, immediately acknowledge my guest/client and treat everyone with the utmost respect. Where in the hell has this type of training gone??? I know that the hospitality industry in general prides itself on this type of behavior but the standards have been drastically reduced, in my humble opinion. It's frustrating on so many levels and I'm sorry to hear that it isn't just me that has to suffer the consequences.

    If it makes you feel any better, my husband is the exact same way with lines and crowds. In fact, just yesterday, I was almost forced to leave a full cart of groceries at our local Trader Joe's because the lines were ridiculous and my husband was not about to stand there waiting. I had to bribe him with...well, let's just say I had to come up with a creative way to pursued him to stand in line with me. HA! We have bypassed many restaurants and movies because of long lines and he also has paid way more than necessary for things because he refuses to wait in line.

    Anyway, hope you feel better now that you've gotten that off your chest and quite frankly, I think your rant was way more entertaining than a recap of last week's Bachelor. As much as I like Ben, this season is definitely WAY too predictable. Might as well give Lauren that final rose now and put the rest of the girls out of their misery.

    Hope this is a better week for you!

    Rose in OC

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  22. Your commentary on your Apple store adventure was very amusing! Am I a millennium?? I'm 27 but I know what you're talking about regarding the people in that store lol I dislike Apple products, not because of the technology or whatnot, but just because everyone seems to like it so of course that means I have to like Android :) I do own one Apple product though, an iPod mini, the little tiny touch screen square that's awesome for running and I couldn't find another product that wasn't Apple that gave me all that I wanted. Anyhoo, eventually my iPod went kaput, I find out they don't even make those models anymore, so I ventured to an Apple store to see if it could be repaired. I hated every moment of it. It was very crowded (I dislike crowds) and didn't know what to do and I wasn't being helped! I go to the back desk to ask for help, but that was wrong because I didn't sign in for an appointment. I finally sign in and find out I have to wait 62 mins just to ask my simple question "can you fix this?" Ridiculous! The while place reeked of pretentiousness and I so wanted to leave, but the hopes of getting a new working iPod kept me there. 65 mins later, a guy comes up to me and while tapping on his own iPad, "hi! You must be LaQuesha" (oh yeah, BTW, I'm a Black woman). That REEEEAAAALLLLYYY pissed me off, but I was tired, and I wanted there for so long, I just wanted to ask my question and get out of that place. I told the guy, "no, my name isn't LaQuesha, my name is Amanda :|" and I pointed to "Amanda" on his iPad. Realizing I wasn't his charge, he walks off in search of LaQuesha I guess. Long story short, I did eventually get back to that back desk and bought a refurbished pink iPod mini just like the one I had! I hope it doesn't crap out on me because idk if I could handle another trip to an Apple store.

    Amanda in NOLA

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    1. Try being over 40 and entering a MAC store.

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    2. SG, After reading about your seemingly OCD pet peeves regarding extreme impatience and incompetent servers, I had to rush the laptop over to my wife so I could justify my extreme obsession with those same 2 things. I have lived out some of those same scenarios and many others, so thank you!

      While I found your Apple store write-up extremely amusing, I'm really shocked about your experience and the feedback of others. I originally thought that perhaps it's just that particular store but it sounds like that's not the case. I own almost all Apple (computer, laptop, iPod, iPad) except the annoying Droid I bought because I got tired of the iPhone's sh-tty battery life, only to find out it's got nothing on iPhone and is in fact harder to use in many ways. (Not to mention that fixing it requires long, inexplicably painful visits to an extremely annoying Verizon store with mostly untrained milleniums.)

      I do, in fact, enjoy bringing my gadgets to the Apple store for reasons totally contradictory to those above: 1) Regardless if it's a laptop or iPad, I'm waited on instantly by a blue-shirted genius that seems to understand my product inside-or-out; 2) I always notice the impressive eye contact by everyne; 3) If someone doesn't have the answer or gets interrupted, they get someone else over to fix me. I rarely spend more than 30 minutes there and rarely have to spend any money, even to replace a hard drive, which would cost me $75-100 and a 2-day wait at the PC store.

      I also have to disagree with the assessment of the poor design of Apple stores--in fact, the design of the stores was meticulously laid out over 2 years by Jobs and the colors, long pane glass windows, and even the tiling are all designed to make you feel comfortable (and, of course, wanting to buy). When the stores were introduced, they blew away the old Dell and Gateway stores by far and there's no comparison to the sales-driven untrained employees at the big box stores.

      And I guess if you think about it, why would Apple have 200 people working all at once and the store I attend is constantly packed, even on a workday afternoon. They are there for the products, experience and free training, and not so many sitting waiting.. And all stores are extremely profitable.

      So I don't know what happened to everyone or if only people that don't like Apple read SGIA but this isn't my experience by any stretch. Check out the NYC store for more examples. Now, if I had experienced any of the above I'd be extremely annoyed as well.

      On another note, are the Geniuses all people who say "Intellectual things are my jam" (or maybe "Ben and I's jam"??).

      Please keep up the great work, SGIA. I'm almost bummed this boring season is over because I'll miss the "insights". Maybe they can call in JoJo's brothers for one final confrontation!

      If you need me, I'll be shopping for products with no prices on them.

      - Ron MI

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  23. I think I liked your Apple Store rant even better than I liked your Bachelor rant and I really liked your Bachelor rant. You're right that this season is incredibly boring and predictable aside from the whole polyamorous ending which I'm sure they'll straighten out during the finale.

    I also hate political correctness. To be fair though, it started a long time before millenials entered the scene. I remember complaining about it in the 90s.

    Looking forward to your episode 9 recap if you write one. Here's my episode 9 recap: http://cafeemily.com/bachelor-2016-episode-9-recap/

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