Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Kaitlyn Bachelorette Episode 2: Oops.

Journey 7

Amazing 14

Uh . . . we finally have a great season teed up.

If you haven't seen the Tuesday finale of Monday's show, do this:

1.  Read my post from last night's show.  Yes, this is the second post in as many days.  Here's the Link.    

Kaitlyn's Season Episode 1 Post

2.  Look at this brief summary of the first 54 minutes of Tuesday's show.  

Harrison drops the bomb on Britt right away.    She thanks him as he walks her ass to the limo.  You can tell he didn’t like her much.    

Kaitlyn calls her mom.  I’m the Bachelorette!  Can’t wait to see my daughter slut it up on TV!  Ha, Ha, Ha.  Wink, wink, wink.

This is JUST what I wanted.  I'm so excited.  (SGIA--"Be careful what you ask for, Kaitlyn").

Poor Man's Gosling is pensively happy.  Harrison walks around like Darth Vader in his black suit.  

Ian grabs Kaitlyn again.  Lays it on thick.  Mr. Idaho takes his time.  Drops the steel rose.  Harrison hasn’t been this busy since his first post-divorce trip to Barbados.  He drops the First Impression Rose.  

Kaitlyn reminds me of Sheryl Crow. Every greasy-haired d-bag admits to voting for Britt.  The Healer sits alone and sulks.   

Brady is upset.  He broods.  He doesn’t know what to do with his emotions.  Dude, what kind of songwriter are you?  

J.J. has a dumb look on his face.  How many times is this guy going to say 1000%.  She buys his bullshit.  

Dentist gets the first kiss.    

Clint sits there and looks like Brian Bosworth.  

Poor Man's Gosling tries to act like Gosling.  

Rose Ceremony.  Results Below.  

3.  Browse this list and get to the end quickly.   

Ben H., 26, Software Salesman--Rose.  #peterbrady.

Ben Z., 26, Entrepreneur--Rose.  

Bradley, 25, International Auto Shipper--No Rose.    

Brady, 33, Singer/Songwriter--Left on his own to Chase after Britt.  Congrats, Brady.  You earned my respect.  I hope it works out.  Bold move.  

Chris, 28, Dentist--Nice blouse.  Rose. 

Clint, 27, Architectural Engineer.  Rose.

Corey, 30, Investment Banker.  Rose.

Cory, 35, Residential Developer.  Rose

Daniel, 28, Fashion Designer.  Rose.  She should have given him some socks.

David, 26, Real Estate Agent.  No Rose.   

Ian, 28, Rose.

Jared, 26, Rose, 

J.J., 32, Former Investment Banker, Rose

Joe, 28, Insurance Agent--Life is like a box of Roses.  You never know what you're gonna get.  Rose.  

Jonathan, 33, Automotive Spokesman.  

Josh, 27, Law Student/Exotic Dancer.  No Rose, thank God.  

Joshua, 31, Industrial Welder.  Rose. 

Justin, 28, Fitness Trainer.  He brought balloons for Kaitlyn.  Other than that . . . crickets. 

Kupah, 32, Entrepreneuah.  Receivah of a Rose.  

Ryan B., 32, Realtor. Rose. 

Shawn B., 28, Personal Trainer.  First Impression Rose, just like the one Noah gave Allie in The Notebook.  

Shawn E., 28, Amateur Sex Coach and Professional Idiot.  No Rose. 

Tanner, 28, Auto Finance Manager.  Rose

Tony, 35, Healer.  Rose

Happy?  Great.  Now let's talk about the final 6 minutes of tonight's show.  

Stupid Nick, the agitator from Andi's season, shows up for some reason.   The guys hate him and a tip-touching territory battle ensues.  

THEN . . . .

Kaitlyn apparently gets caught banging one of the dudes in her suite after she's awoken by the camera crew waiting to film her in her (heretofore extinguished) virginial glory.   Then she cries a bunch--presumably because she banged a dude while she was dating 24 other dudes on national television--and has a sit down with the remaining dudes to let them know that Roses weren't the only thing she was keen on accepting in her box this season.  

Here are my initial thoughts.  

1.  I hope she slept with the Fat Guy in the Leather Hat.  I'd be happy for him and it would certainly explain her crying and overwhelming regret.  

2.  Big girls can make big choices so I'm not going to judge her.  However, big girls should probably not make choices that big on national television.  

3.  I had a bad day today; however, I'd be willing to bet that Kaitlyn's day was worse than mine.  

4.  I'll bet a week's salary that this little stunt is going to backfire on the franchise.  The audience is mostly women.   When women turn on other women, it's not pretty.  Kaitlyn is in for a beating on social media.  That sucks for her.  Badly.  

5.  I personally don't care that she slept with a dude under those circumstances.  However, I'd care quite a bit if I was one of the other dudes kicking it around the chalet waiting for my big chance at a one on one.  That makes the climbing a bridge date look like a movie and some ice cream.  

6.  You think Britt had a good laugh about it?  Me too.  

7. For the record, you can't kayak down the San Antonio Riverwalk.  It's not a real river and it's filthy.  I'm happy the Alamo is going to be part of the show.  I hope they show it the proper respect.  It is, after all, a tomb.  

8.  If you're Canadian, do you have to sleep with a random guy if you're simultaneously dating all of his buddies?  That might be a rule in Canada.  We should check that oot before we judge her aboot it.  

9.  I'll bet at least one of the guys who was crying like a Pavelka amongst the flora and fauna of whatever exotic location that was will be on the Bachelor Pad where he'll proceed to do exactly what he was mad at Kaitlyn for doing.  Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.  

10.  I'm excited about this season.  

It's good to be back, Folks.  Some Guy is all in.  Lincee Ray (www.ihategreenbeans.com) and I will see some of y'all at Harrison's book signing tomorrow night at Barnes and Noble in the Austin Arboretum.  After you get done fawning over Harrison, come say hello to us.  

Take care of yourselves.  It's going to be a great season.  In the meantime, if you need me, I'll be running away from a one night stand naked across a golf course.  DP


  1. Brilliant -- Kupah, 32, Entrepreneuah. Receivah of a Rose!" Keep it coming, Some Guy. You're off to a strong start!

    Marti in Dallas

    1. I'm glad you like that because it's going to go on all season as long as he's there.

    2. Loved that part, as well!

  2. Have fun with Harrison and Lincee tonight. I am extremely bummed that I'm not in Austin right now.
    ~Kim in FL

  3. Didn't she admit it was Nick?? Oh boy! No wonder the other guys are losing it in the preview. Ugh!

    Rane - Tucson

    1. Meh. I'm sure it will be a macho chest beating meltdown. Should be fun

  4. I don't think people should be too hard on her. They all know chances are she is going to sleep with 3 of them in the fantasy suite... and both Ben and Juan Pablo had sex before the fantasy suite (with Courtney and Claire... both in the ocean), they just didn't tell the other girls. At least she admitted it to the guys. And those are the only ones they've showed us... I'm sure its happened before.

    1. Apparently at least one guy was "hard on her." Unfortunately, women can't escape the double standard. It's one of the few we men have in our favor. I agree though.

  5. With Ben & Juan Pablo, the women were viewed badly. And now it's still the woman's fault. Total double standard.

  6. Wow that you have posted already! Fun read as usual.
    Wonder how much of this is editing cause it sure makes it look like she is thrilled to see Nick. If it's true that she slept with somebody early on in this "journey" you have to wonder why the others would stick around? That would be one mass exodus of guys if this really happened the way the editing makes it look. Now this will make me want to watch this season when I wasn't going to commit to watching the full season. I will be dragged into this I guess.
    Enjoy tonight.
    Sal in Utah

    1. Sal, the teasers aren't always what they seem to be, are they? Still, she admitting to "helping" someone out. We shall see. DP

  7. I haven't watched either episode yet as I wanted your take on them first and it appears that was a wise decision. Brady's profile picture reminds me of Jimmy Fallon. Daniel's looks festive, n'est-ce pas? Did you see Harrison on Watch What Happens Live last night? He was wearing some magnificent socks.

    Thank goodness you're back, DP.


  8. "I hope she slept with the fat guy with the leather hat" best line ever. Laughed so hard I had tears

    1. Solid. Tears of joy. I hope the fat guy cried them when he slept with Kaitlyn.

  9. Sorry, I'm a little late to the party but couldn't watch until Thursday night. And now that I'm caught up, I have to say you are off to a great start, as usual! I agree that this is teeing up to be a pretty interesting season and by the look of the upcoming promos, we are in for a lot of drama!!!

    I'm so happy they picked Kaitlyn. She's definitely the better choice and watching Britt during the first episode only reminded me of how fake she could be. And I was honestly one of her biggest fans at the beginning of Chris' season until her true colors came out. Glad to see that most of the men saw it too! There's hope that one of them has half a brain....

    Looking forward to you navigating us through another season of our favorite guilty pleasure! Thank goodness you are back, indeed! :)

    Rose in OC

    1. Better late than never. I'm glad you're making an appearance. DP