Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Bachelor Ben Episode 9: Ben is Matter-Horny

Hello, Readers. Welcome back to the tail end of an unequivocally mundane season of the Bachelor. Like NFL quarterback Brad Johnson, President Herbert Hoover, and the fat Middle Eastern guy at the 7-11 across the street from my office, Ben hasn’t done anything great or exceptional this season but he hasn’t done anything to really screw it up either. I suppose that beats repeated bouts of hysterical crying on balconies across the globe; then again, I’d cry a lot too if I dated Melissa Rycroft.

Speaking of “tail end,” it’s Fantasy Week in Interlaken, Switzerland and the only real curiosity is who would draw the third straw in the sleep with Ben contest. Like a giant piece of Swiss cheese, there were a lot of holes for Ben to explore this week and it was only a Matter of time before he’d be Interlocking his Horn with Lindzi, Nikki, and Courtney in search of the final piece of the “I might possibly be getting tentatively engaged next week in order to maybe go forward with a hypothetical wedding and theoretically spend the better part of the near future with one of three women I sort of know” puzzle.

Some Guy had a good weekend and I’d like to give a shout out to Ron Yates at Spicewood Vineyards (www.spicewoodvineyards.com) just 34 miles outside of Austin, Texas. Ron is the owner of the winery and a friend of the Special Lady Friend. We attended the annual “Pair it with the Claret Chili Cookoff” this weekend at the winery. Chili, live music, and good wine ruled the day and we were blessed with wonderful Hill Country weather. After traveling to Waco, Texas for the past couple of days it was truly an exercise in contrasts. With that out of the way, let’s bang out the Fantasy Week episode.

We begin back in Los Angeles with a myriad of filler footage of Ben packing his bags in his home away from home brooding about how “difficult” his “journey” has been to date. He eventually broods his way to the limo, broods his way to the check in counter, and makes it his coach seat on his Swiss Air flight to Switzerland. Of course, he’s still brooding.

Yodel Odel Lay Hee BOO. Man, was I bored.

“Let’s get to the awkward, forced promiscuity,” I said as I popped the cap on a fresh, frosty Lone Star and settled in on the couch. “This is bullsh*t.” I was, however, excited to see that ABC renewed its firm belief in the ignorance of its audience by reviving the giant fake plane graphic in order illustrate Ben’s flight pattern and the overall location of Switzerland. Apparently, there is a domestic travel ban on that graphic, but it’s important we’re all told where the gang bang will occur this week.

Afraid I was missing something, I did a bit of research on Switzerland in order to firm up my knowledge. Life, after all, presents us with countless opportunities to improve ourselves and I figured if I was going to debase myself by spending the next two hours watching this show, I might as well learn a thing or two in the process. It’s all about balance, isn’t it?

At any rate, I discovered that Switzerland is comprised of mostly German, French, and Italian people, which makes sense considering its geography. Politically, its traditional neutrality also makes a lot of sense. After all, with a mix of German, French, and Italian bundled into one people, the Swiss are the only civilization genetically equipped to talk themselves into surrendering to themselves. I still haven’t figured out why their army has its own knife, though. Annyyyhoooo…

Ben recaps the ladies and uses the word “magical” and various derivatives of it to describe Switzerland. “Magical” is apparently a Swiss word meaning “amazing.” After being reminded via narrative and edited snippets why these women will eventually be asked to forgo their individual rooms (and dignity) by lining up like orphans in the bread line for an on-air one night stand, we’re treated to shots of a contemplative Ben in his mood-evidencing black attire roaming around the streets of Interlaken presumably searching for a pack of condoms and a tube of anti-bacterial hand soap.

NIKKI

Nicki arrives in her purple coat, seasonally appropriate boots, and ubiquitous 30 foot scarf. Of course, Switzerland is the "perfect place" to be in love. As she’d soon see, it’s also the “perfect place” to get violated in an expensive hotel room only to be sent packing the a few days later. Getting the first of the three Fantasy Dates is wonderful if you’re a germaphobe; however, it’s equivalent to being the best violin player in the Titanic Lounge Band. We all knew this wasn’t going to end well for Nikki this week. Putting her at the front end of the big dates was a courtesy rather than an advantage.

Anxious to see Ben, Nikki takes a break from her pre-Fantasy Suite kegels to perform the run and greet. In predictable fashion, the Bachelor-copter arrives to take Ben and Nikki yodeling through a large, deep canyon prior to eating dinner and yodeling through another large deep canyon. “If that thing crashes, I wonder if they'll eat each other,” I said laughing. Come to think of it, that’s likely to occur whether the thing crashes or not.

Ben and Nikki sit atop a mountain peak and picture what life won’t ever be like after she gives it up in the Fantasy Suite. My guess is that even if they did get married their life wouldn’t include regular helicopter rides and hot toddies atop the Swiss Alps. They eventually retire to a Swiss barn for dinner atop short stumps—which I can only assume was a statement of events to follow—and a chat about all of the children Nikki will never have with Ben after giving it up in the Fantasy Suite. Sigh….

The card gets dropped. They both FORE-go in favor of FORE-play. Nikki, who presumably knows she’s got a lot of work to do if she wants to secure the nomination, campaigns like a double-digit underdog in a battleground state and ends just shy of throwing herself at Ben in front of the camera. She uses the word “cocky” in the Fantasy Bedroom before jumping in the bathtub with Ben and working on his caucus.

Poor political humor aside, I’ll give Nikki credit for knowing where she stood and for swinging for the fence at a pitch that clearly wasn’t hittable. She tried hard and proved herself to be a decent, albeit a tad bit annoying person over the course of the season. I liked her and I’m happy she’s from Texas. I’ll have more about her crushing defeat later.

Hey Nikki, Yodel Odel LAY HE you.

LINDZI

Fresh off his free romp with this week’s loser, Ben dons a ridiculous grey coat and his own version of the ubiquitous 30 foot scarf and heads meet Lindzi in order to do some rappelling into a deep gorge before having dinner, hitting the Fantasy Suite, and rappelling into a deep gorge. She looked great in royal blue; however, wearing that much bronzer in Switzerland made her stand out like a stray sober intern at a Chris Harrison post-season party. She was so excited about Fantasy Night that she didn’t even bother with a winter jacket and scarf. Taking that off, after all, takes time and who wants to waste that when victory is within reach? Her last name it Cox and she showed up determined to show Ben why.

After a series of not so coincidental sexual innuendos about trying anything and coming together in the deep gorge, Ben and Lindzi opt for a picnic amongst a sheep feces laden field before heading to the hot tub where Lindzi continues to make herself “vulnerable” prior to dinner.

Ben listens to Lindzi all the while hoping the hotel staff remembered to change the sheets and search his bedroom for Nikki's lost pony tail holders and stray hairs so as not to provide a tangible reminder of what we already know.

My initial plan was to skip over dinner and head to the foregoing of the individual rooms in favor of the aforementioned trip into the gorge. However, I would like to point out that Lindzi—in my opinion anyway—looked phenomenal in that purple little number she broke out for the dinner date. Unfortunately Ben decided to “complement” it with a bow tie.

Bow tie? Is he Orville Redenbacher? He’s 28, not 88, and he’s not a law professor at Ole Miss. A bow tie? Who convinced him that was a good idea? Frankly, I’d rather see the queer yellow sweater and gray jeans. Lindzi breaks out a stunning contemporary purple thing and he counters with the bow tie? If she bent over in that dress you could see what she had for breakfast for crying out loud. As far as I’m concerned, that took a solid second place to the jeans and boots. He pulls out a bow tie? He looked like a Dutch architect. I was too appalled to notice if he had matching wooden shoes. Consider the haircut and he might actually be Dutch.

Moving on…



Ben drops the Fantasy Suite invite and Lindzi responds with a classic "Normally I don't" but "I would love to." Right on. I immediately pictured that purple dress crumpled up on the Fantasy Suite floor with the bow tie resting gently atop its delicate fabric. I’ll give credit where credit is due. Nice work, Ben. It looks like you and Harry Cox will remain close.

Welcome to Bangsville. Population: Lindzi.

Yodel Odel LAY HE TWO.

Next!

COURTNEY

Ben spends the morning hours scrubbing the bronzer from various parts of his anatomy before arriving in a camel hair coat and a new scarf to complete the hat trick. Despite ABC’s clear attempts to rehabilitate her, Courtney flounders around on camera and in front of Ben amidst the ruse of shopping for picnic items and riding a long train across the lush countryside and into a tunnel before chatting about her shortcomings with Ben, eating dinner and retiring to the Fantasy Suite to ride a long train across the lush countryside and into a tunnel.

I won’t even bore you with the details of the date. Rather, I’d like an opportunity to mount my soap box and hammer a few points home before using the words “mount” and “hammer” in the context of the end of the date.

Courtney clearly realizes that the fun she had being the bad guy this season is coming back in a big way. Although she attempted to own what happened—and I’ll give her a bit of credit for at least trying to admit it—it appears she’s about to learn a couple of life’s toughest lessons. Unfortunately for most of us these lessons are not often learned without a steep price.

By the way, the “steep price” I’m referring to here doesn’t include ruining a chance to sort of marry Ben after a loose engagement period and a lot of public exposure. She’ll win that battle but whether she’ll win the one after her 15 minutes are long gone is still up for debate.

Courtney begins to understand that certain mistakes have permanent consequences. Put another way: some doors can’t be reopened once they’re closed no matter how much we apologize. Second chances are a gift, not a foregone conclusion and getting one should never be assumed. Short sightedness is a raging red flag of immaturity. For her sake, let’s hope her apology was sincere and let’s hope that whether she gets the big heave ho or not next week that she’s learned her lesson. I, for one, am not holding my breath. Back to Ben.


Ben vents a bit and they sort out the big disagreement in favor of the imminent romp in the Fantasy Suite hay. “I have lots of women friends”, he tells Courtney. Translation: I don't want to marry a b*tch. Valid concern, Ben. We all know the guy with the wife that everyone can’t stand and that makes it miserable for everyone. Incidentally, if you don’t know that wife, she’s probably you. There’s nothing worse than a fun hater or a know-it-all and Ben would do well to chop that concern off at the knees rather than ignoring it and having it surface around a fatherless Sonoma Christmas table.

Love is blind, but mothers and sisters aren’t and he’ll be dealing with “winning” for a long time to come if he’s not careful. Besides, Lindzi is hotter and cooler (did I mention that purple dress?) than Courtney and her old man is loaded. If he marries her, he’ll have a hell of a glue factory when Mr. and Mrs. Harry Cox kick the bucket and those horses start to age. That’s a heck of a new place to plant grapes too. I’m just sayin'.

Now let's get down to the Harrison card. It’s dropped and she turns it around and makes him decide. He wants "uninterrupted everything." Odd are pretty good he's going to get it.

Yodel Odel Lay She Too.

EMILY PREVIEW.

She’s smoking hot. Ali and Ashley annoy me. I paused the DVR on Emily and fast forwarded the rest.

KACIE RETURNS

In the most irrelevant free trip around the world since Bentley went to Bangkok or wherever, Kacie returns post "what the f*ck happened?" This is such a tired theme. It’s even more annoying to me because we all have Jake to thank for it. She even had her own version of the hotel balcony cryfest invented by that diminutive little putz in his “pilot” uniform.

Props to Kacie for garnering free passage on the first available FedEx cargo plane out of Tennessee, and props to ABC for building up what turned out to be a big fat serving of a bunch of nothing.

Still, Ben’s "Hoooolllly Sh*t," was classic as was Kacie’s penchant for overdramaticizing the situation. I haven't seen anyone sweat that much since Roberto was forced to put on a suit and walk up a mile worth of stairs to meet Ali. Ben lets her down (again) in a very respectful matter and she counters with an I Hate Courtney grenade that just might prove effective in the long run. She hinted at breaking away from mom and dad, but again, that’s their business, not mine. She’ll eventually become an adult and she’ll look back on this entire situation and feel ashamed.

Somewhere in Tennessee there's an Administrator in need of an Assistant. She needs to move on. . . as do I.

Yodel Odle Kay Cee’s Through.

HARRISON TETE A TETE

I can sum this one up in two sentences. "Too much that's happened this week, Chris" to have Kacie in the rose ceremony. Translation: I've banged all three broads.

As an aside, I just couldn’t figure out why Ben is so stressed about this entire scenario. We all know this isn't permanent. Look at Mesnick and Womack. Mesnick proposed on national television in front of his kid before jumping in the hotel pool with his clothes on before dumping Melissa (again on national television) and calling up Molly and still got his wedding paid for by the network. Womack? We all know that story. Speaking of that, I saw that bullet he dodged, Deanna Pappas, on television the other day. Having his ex-girlfriend paraded around with a bunch of dudes next season is going to sting, but he has to thank his lucky bottles of Axe Body Spray that he’s not married to that pain in the ass.

ROSE CEREMONY

Ben’s conflicted but sure what he wants to do. I think we were all sure too. Lindzi looked incredible, albeit bronze. Nikki looked somewhat dumpy in her choice dress but knew the guillotine blade had her name on it. Courtney looked good but it was clear her confidence wasn’t what it was when she had Emily to pick on a few weeks ago. It went down as predicted.

Roses:

1. Lindzi
2. Courtney

Gone.

1. Nikki

Nikki has clearly had time to prepare for this moment and she’s mature enough not to melt down like certain administrative assistants with overbearing fathers when she’s given the boot. She cried, but not too much and it was clear that Ben didn’t like to hurt her feelings. I liked Nikki and I think the rest of you did too. My guess is that she’s still a bit scarred at the Women Tell All, but she’ll be fine.

Well, there it is. With the Amazing count at 67 and the Journey count at 29 we’re down to the final two. My guess is that Lindzi is the big winner. After Fantasy Week, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to discount the presence of Harry Cox.

Please don’t forget to submit your questions for DP Tells All Number Four. Right now, I need to go Yodel Odel Layhee Sue someone.  In the meantime, I’ll be wearing a bow tie while rappelling into a deep canyon. DP

44 comments:

  1. Quick question: Do guys like you that have been around the block more then Ben see through the fake of Courtney? Seriously, I know she is a "model" and says all the right things to win a guy but wonder from a guy's perspective if you would buy her schtick for the long haul?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here's my question: What percentage of the time do you think the bachelors/bachelorettes get laid in the fantasy suite?

    I remember a while back when that football guy Jesse was the bachelor, and during the final rose ceremony the runner up girl walked down the aisle to the candle covered spot fully expecting him to propose. When he told her that he chose the other chick, her face immediately changed to mad and she said something along the lines of "well then what happened in the fantasy suite was very inappropriate don't you think?"

    Oh snap I found a clip of it!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l2KDneyA54&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PL130EBAB784CA7D6F

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lyndzi needs her bangs cut, and still wears too much foundation which contrasts with her colorless lips. Courtney has bad crow's feet in some types of lighting (picnic in the cow field). Ben gives one word answers the entire episode. He reminds me of a sullen 14 year old boy who won't talk. When he does say something, it is riddled with cliches. The whole conversation with Lyndzi about her opening up and being more vulnerable was so tiring. Nicki looked fat in the toga, and needs to learn not to be so nice. Why should she care so much about Ben? It's obvious through the whole program he did not care at all for her. Ashley's head looked more enormous than usual in this episode. Not sure why Emily is the new bachelorette, as she is as two dimensional as a piece of cardboard. Shows you that looks (Ben) and personality (Emily) are not prerequisites for being the bachelor or bachelorette.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Waiting anxiously!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think most of them close the deal. It's too much of a gimmie not to do it and even if they claim they didn't they still get accused of it anyway. It's just odd how it all goes down. As for the anon comment above--WOW. Definitely not sugar coated. DP

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've only made it this far, “If that thing crashes, I wonder if they'll eat each other,” I said laughing. Come to think of it, that’s likely to occur whether the thing crashes or not." and I'm in tears from laughing!!

    Ann in Denver

    ReplyDelete
  7. The 'short stump' comment did me in. Awesome job as always.

    Cindy from Alabama

    ReplyDelete
  8. At about the mid way point of the season, I had become fairly impressed with Ben's judgement in who stayed and who left each week.
    The cream, as I saw it, and apparently Ben as well, was rising to the top. But the last two episodes has found me uncharacteristicly
    yelling at my televison set as Ben casts aside two very appealing and sweet women (Kacie B. and Nickie) in favor of Courtney. Now Courtney is who she is and there isn't much point in lambasting her. IMO, she should have been shown the door in Belize and it is now ridiculous that she has reached the final two. It would be one thing if Ben had no clue about Courtney but he has been given repeated warning (in tactful manners) by three separate women and I'm sure he must have also seen a little of Courtney's dark side first hand. So, with a premise of the show being that it would be nice to see the Bachelor (or Bachelorette) and his her top choice become engaged and perhaps happily married one day, it is distressing to watch someone headed toward such an obviously disasterous choice in mates. Last season with Brad and Emily, their pairing seemed compelling and it was a shame they could not make their relationship work in the longer run. But Ben's and Courtney's relationship is flawed to begin with and probably won't even get through the "After the Rose" airing. Having seen the runaway train that is Ben seemingly hurtling toward selecting Courtney over the other 24 women, I predict that Courtney ends up getting cold feet and turns down this proposal. She would have succeeded in "winning" over the other contestants, so why bother to continue further? Also, in the first episode I believe there was a voice over of a woman expressing serious doubts about marriage and the scene seemed to have been shot in Switzerland. Given there was no such scene in this week's episode, it must have occurred in the final episode and it may well have been Courtney. Also, the final show is slated to have a "controversial" ending. Boy, I hope I'm wrong on this and Ben ends up proposing to Lindzi, thereby making a really solid choice and not an idiotic one.

    ReplyDelete
  9. He is picking Courtney. Sooooooooooo obvious.

    ReplyDelete
  10. great recap and perfect mix of jokes. thank you for making this season bearable!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Brilliant as always! And seriously, are there only dives into gorges and train rides into tunnels because the person who sets up dates is a teenage boy? It's like they are begging you to crack jokes. And I recall one of the behind the scenes that said that most of the girls give it up in the Fantasy suite but that others often get frisky way before that. I hope he picks Courtney because Lindzi is too good for him. Winning! :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you again for making it worth watching this crap! You outdid yourself this week - I'm still laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yodel odel say too too...
    PERFECT!

    TLew ~ Nashville

    ReplyDelete
  14. Everyone is all over the board on the picks and dismissals. Could it actually mean that this IS the most controversial season ever? DP

    ReplyDelete
  15. A long yodel layhe boo for another boring episode, though the scenery was often stunning. (I'm referring to the date with Nicki, not the piece on Emily.)

    DP, Why do you think Ben selects Lindzi?You've said that you didn't see any chemistry there, and I'm curious if you've changed your mind on that front. I personally believe the Bachelor/ette makes the final choice almost exclusively on that basis, so if there's no spark, I think Lindzi will ride into the sunset alone. (At least she'll have Harry Cox to console her.)

    ReplyDelete
  16. you are awesome.
    loved it.
    your creativity makes this all so much more fun.
    and i love love the new pic you have on your profile.

    i'm hoping it's lindzi for a lotta reasons, the least shallow of which is because ben said himself he didn't wanna go out with jennifer love hewitt, because he didn't want to be a part of that hollywood scene. he wants someone to come home with him and his vineyard.
    --- he never addressed this with courtney as he did the other 3. and i'm not thinking "model" is so far removed from "hollywood" type scene.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I, too, noticed that he's been having completely different interactions with Court, as compared to all the others...
      Well, maybe they just did not show it, but I doubt it. Rather I believe that he never broached some subjects in fear of her answers, and those are:
      - will you move to Sonoma with me?
      - will you give up your 'job' to be a wife and mother?
      - how many kids do you want - or, do you want any at all?
      - what is your dating history?
      - ... etc, etc, etc.
      Of course, I've written it out in a really corse form to save space, but the gist remains. The two of them have never had ONE conversation of any substance, on any subject that might be beneficial and enlightening to two people who are thinking about becoming a couple, let alone getting married.
      And I do not think that blame for it is all Court's (although in last night's episode it became glaringly obvious that most of the time he can't get a word in edgewise if she chooses to speak. His multiple attempts at discussing the 'rude' issue were hilarious in how she let him say 3-4 words and immediately started interjecting, and talking over him, and of course talking about her favorite subject - herself.) I believe she pulled the wool over his eyes so tightly that he does not even realize how many issues remain unattended between them. Only goes to show that he is a complete moron, thinking only with his privates when it comes to her, and she is a vapid harpie who never gave a doodle about him and their 'future together'.

      Delete
    2. Well-said. Exactly what I was thinking. Even the "Oh My Dad" moment didn't lead to a convo of any significance (though if I drank a gallon of white wine as a thirst quencher after trekking up approximately 2000 stairs, I wouldn't be up for deep convo either. Then again, I would have opted for water!

      Delete
  17. Lindzi by default. Courtney's chickens come home to roost. Don't think the giant horse ranch isn't a factor either. It beats an argyle sweater any day. DP

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually read on a couple other sites that Ben is a millionaire, and they cite that as a reason for Courtney's sticking around for so long, and getting her claws into him so early to outdistance the competition (clearly it was not because of their 'connection'). The 'Winning!' might have been more justified than we all realized...

      Delete
  18. Kacie was on Ellen today and she predicted Ben would choose Courtney. I think he will choose her too. When he kisses her he usually goes in for the kiss. With the other women they usually do. With Courtney he puts his hands on her face or the back of her head (more possessive and intimate). He also describes the way he feels about her as nothing he's ever felt before. I think he'd rather take his chances with her than pick someone he's not that into.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear SG,
    Great recap! "Like a giant piece of swiss cheese, a lot of holes for Ben..."/ kegels/ deep gorges, etc......... Your brand of irreverence is hilarious. A few of the lines that busted me up: The best violin player on the Titanic/ The women likened to orphans in the bread line./ A picnic amoungst sheep feces./ And Ben in a bowtie looking like Orville Redenbacher or a Dutch architect with wooden shoes. You have a way with visuals. Along with above posters, I have to mention the 5 "Yodel-Lays". I think this is my favorite blog of yours so far. Thanks for the laughs. (I like your new photo, but you need a scarf.)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Short stumps. Good one! Loved the yodels but I think Courtney's should have been Yodel Odel Lay Thee Ho'.

    ReplyDelete
  21. can't beat the "law professor at Ole Miss" reference...also, lots of guys who try to look quirky but cool. Seriously, I read you first, then watch. So, um, I'll be able to do other stuff while 'watching'.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Very funny TITLE and post, once again! Do your law buddies know you do this on the side? Do any of them watch this trainwreck and comment in the break room?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Brilliant! The stumps, the gorges, the yodels...loved it all!

    ReplyDelete
  24. The worse the season, the better the posts from Some Guy!! Ditto Mary's comments AND this little gem: why does the Swiss army have their own knife. Priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  25. He's going to pick Courtney, then reveal that they have broken up on ATFR. I can't imagine that he could sit through the season and not break it off. She made him look like a fool. He's a huge toolbag anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Awesomely awesome recap, Some Guy. It was just so...awesome. One fave..."We all know the guy with the wife that everyone can’t stand and that makes it miserable for everyone. Incidentally, if you don’t know that wife, she’s probably you." Awesome!

    One question...why did you say you would Meznick too if you dated Melissa? Not a fan? I really liked her. Oh well.

    Can't believe you didn't bust on them for that "rappelling" down the gorge. In my neck of the woods, they call that being gently lowered. I've seen horses airlifted from canyons that did of the work.

    That whole detour into Titanicville was totally whack. From Ashley gushing how JP looks at her the way Jack looks at Rose (and the dagger eyes shot at her by Alli), to, HELLO! Have we all forgotten Emily's tragic loss of her beloved Ricky Bobby? Wasn't the choice of movies a tad cruel, even for the bachelor?

    Can't wait for your awesome recap of the WTA. I just know it's going to be awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  27. As a MATTER of fact, this recap was magical aka amazing! By the way, Ohio State president, E Gordon Gee wears a bow tie, has over 1,000 of them! And I said it several weeks ago, Ben looks like a Dutch boy with that awful hair. No wonder the girls drink, so they can get wasted in order to sum up courage to kiss him.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I have been to those areas in Switzerland and even seeing boring Ben there didn't ruin it for me but for some reason, I didn't rappel down a gorge or sit in a hot tub that looks like a wine barrel -my life is so boring!
    There are a lot of comments on how Lindzi always looks down but I think it's cause she is fairly new to the dating scene and isn't yet comfortable with this whole thing and her being an only child, she didn't have brothers to be around to see how to behave around boys. But Courtney -she is another story. She never once looked at Ben when she was "apologizing' for being mean to the other girls. You could tell she was very uncomfortable being called out on that and she probably thought she had Ben wrapped around her finger and was surprised that he is seeing the flaws. It will be a very interesting Women Tell All and finding out that Lincee will be there will make it even more interesting to get her take on things.
    The whole thing with Emily was pretty lame but it was nice to see her without all that makeup she had on during Brad's season. I know you are looking forward to her season. Hopefully the people who set up the Titanic viewing won't do such cruel things to her on her dates-somebody needs to think about her past and showing her a movie like that was thoughtless.

    Sal in Utah

    ReplyDelete
  29. Favorite line: "Welcome to Bangsville. Population Lindzi." Priceless. And like so many other commenters, I thoroughly enjoyed all of the yodeling. Great recap for a dreadfully boring show.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sal, interesting and valid points. I'm looking forward to the off season actually. I've got lots of ideas.

    DON'T FORGET DP TELLS ALL QUESTIONS! DP

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If they are as hysterical as your other sagas, can't wait

      Sal in Utah

      Delete
  31. DP--excellent recap from start to finish! Started out hilarious in the first paragraph and just kept going.

    Where are Derek and the boys these days? Are they not watching and commenting bc Ben is a dud?

    Texas Tea

    ReplyDelete
  32. "“If that thing crashes, I wonder if they'll eat each other,” I said laughing. Come to think of it, that’s likely to occur whether the thing crashes or not. "

    Some Guy, you owe me a new keyboard!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. goheels83, write your address on a $100 bill and send it to me. I'll buy you a new keyboard. I'm glad I could provide more than a bit of levity for your Friday. DP

    ReplyDelete
  34. I started to put down my favorites from #9 of Ben's "amazing journey" and found a few...
    Did you count "Magical" in the Amazing list? I must say this: His hair irritates me--I thought he might have had a stylist or makeover but he just looks like a Jivaro from the Matto Grosso who can read.

    At least one Macedonian was thinking the same thing about the "fantasy" suite bit--one-night stands broadcast for the Masses. Obviously the most innovative in the sack gets the prize (he is not sexy! Can't help it.) "rappelling..." You have a rapier wit [no pun intended].

    Screw it--after reading your whole chapter, there are too many to list here. You really outdid yourself this time, Some Guy. Keep it up, that's what keeps US up. Love, M. Hussy.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Here's a question I would like answered. Why do men constantly have to touch themselves? It's attached and not going anywhere. Is there really a need for adjusting oneself regularly?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Too much fun once again, thanks DP for making this show worth watching. Loved the yodeling ... and smiled at the Orville Redenbacher reference ... is that guy still alive?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh my goodness!! All the yodel odles had me on the floor laughing. Reading your blog is one of the highlights of my week !!! Oh how I love Some Guy!! I'm a long time fan so I need to figure out how to leave messages with a username instead of being anonymous!!! Can't wait to read your blog about The Women Tell All!! That was nuts!!!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oh Amazing Thanks for the sharing. Excellent your Limo Service Waco TX related goods we are offering translogistic service in iconwaco.

    ReplyDelete
  39. wow Amazing Limo Service Waco TX iCon Limousine Service is the premier ground transportation and limousine service provider for Waco.

    ReplyDelete