Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Bachelorette Desiree Episode 10: Que Sarong Sarong



There's nothing Sa-wrong.  I found love...sort of.

Alright, Readers, let’s get right to it.  For those of you who follow me on the Twitter, you’ll know that I’m all over the board on the big finale.  I suppose I’m happy for our teary-eyed Bachelorette and our completely oblivious “winner.”  Finding love is a good thing—even if it’s forced, temporary, and television-induced.  Then again, all ice cream cones melt, don’t they? 

On a positive note, I’m thrilled with Juan Pablo as the selection for the new Bachelor.  Sure, he doesn’t read, speaks poor English, and it’s questionable if he’s gainfully employed but when in the hell has any of that mattered on this show?  He looks good running down the beach and is willing to have himself filmed while showering 4 times per episode.  

I’m certain that the only question--aside from the running and showering--that needs to be addressed is whether the guy has 60 days with nothing going on beginning in early November.  The answer to that is, of course, Si.  It’s on.  Let’s make the most of it, shall we?  

With a final Amazing Count at 170 (not including the Men Tell All) and the final Journey Count at a whopping 53 it’s been a record-setting season.  For the statisticians in the audience you’re already aware that the Amazing count registers at 19 per episode and the Journey count comes in at 6 per episode.  

The word “inane” comes to mind when I think about it.  The good news is that Juan Pablo’s tenuous grasp on the English language will likely alleviate the all-too-frequent use of those two words.  I’m sure we’ll be introduced to their Latin equivalents.  

We begin part 2 of the most (insert provocative adjective) season finale ever in the history of season finales with (SIGH) a recap of part 1.  Good Lord.  I reviewed less material before I took the Bar Exam for crying out loud.  We see Des crying (again), Brooks crying (again), Des getting dumped (again), and Des’ anguish juxtaposed against the quiet majesty of Antigua’s flora and fauna.  Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.     

A refreshed Harrison arrives to play Twenty Freaking Questions with a puffy-eyed Desiree who is clearly over the tropical island and all of the bullshit.  I suppose that falls under the “be careful what you ask for” chapter in Des’ secret Are You There God?  It’s Me, Des Journal, but, unlike me, Harrison saw no need to step on her head while she was drowning. 

By the way, don’t ask me how I know about that book.  It horrifies me every time I think about it.  I don’t want to discuss it . . . Period. 



I realize that those of you old enough to appreciate the book are chuckling into your Kindle screens right now while the rest of you have simply moved on to the next paragraph.  Frankly, that makes me chuckle into my MacBook Air screen.  Annyyyhooo . . .

We retreat to the Lair of Seclusion. 

OHCH:  How ya doing today? 

Des:   I’m neither expressive nor amazing. 

OHCH:  Too bad.  I had an AWESOME time at the beach party last night.  There was this limbo show with some of the island chicks and then a donkey showed up and . . . Oh, I’m sorry. You must be devastated.

Des:  It's ok, Chris.  You’re expressive.  I understand.  I just want to go home.  It’s just that Brooks leaving was such a surprise.

OHCH:  Well, to you but not really to anyone else.  Still, that has to hurt worse than an Antigua sunburn.  When are you going to get around to dumping Drew and Chris? 

Des:  Oh them. 

Des “great guys” Drew and Chris and Harrison breaks out the Bachelorette Bayonet and begins the jabbing.  Drew is apparently the “sweetest guy in the whole wide world.”  He’s so “expressive.”  At that point, I was ready to express Lone Star through my nose.  Des’ coral, silk maxi dress flows silently in the wind as she tries not to cry off her eyelash extensions.  Over it, Harrison sets up what the team discussed in the pre-production meeting: the Rose Ceremony must go on. 

With Rolls Royces on the way, Des retires to her Rapunzel tower to gather her thoughts. She meets Harrison at St. Anne’s Point.  Never mind St. Anne's Point, I silently prayed Des would get to her own point as soon as possible. 

Chris and Drew shake hands and congratulate each other on successfully forgoing the foreplay and taking care of business in the Fantasy Suite.  They are, after all, real gentlemen.  Harrison butts in and suppresses the desire to say “Y’all are not going to believe this sh*t,” before announcing Brooks' 'sudden' departure.    

Des shows up.  Chris knows something’s up.  Drew thinks he knows something’s up.    After a long, awkward pause Des drops “you might notice that Brooks isn’t here.”  Yea, Harrison just told us that.

. . . and the second runner up is . . .

Dude, that was brutal.  Both dudes get a rose and Drew slowly but certainly begins to realize that he’s going to need his carefully tailored sharkskin suit and matching vest for the AFTR rather than a tropical proposal.  Chris wallows in denial.    

Cut to Harrison back in studio for meaningless, time-killing banter with four brunettes, a middle-aged ‘blonde’, and some woman who looked like Taylor Swift on a Prednisone cycle.  ABC had some cash lying around because Brooks and Des never rented their catamaran.  They felt sorry for her so she gets two more ‘dates.’  Well, actually one pseudo-picnic to dump Drew and one catamaran date to decide if she’ll settle for Saget.




Am I the only one who thinks that's funny?  Apparently. 

Back to Antigua. 

Des journals. 

Dear Diary, 

After last night’s Red Stripe and beef enchiladas I’m feeling very expressive this morning.  I’m off to kick Drew to the curb and see if I can bring myself to pick Chris.  I wonder if OHCH will give me a peek at the Neil Lane selection before I decide? 

Love, Des 

P.S. (I hate this.  I just want to go home.  Amazing.)   
P.P.S. (Amazing.)


Des puts on her best face and attempts to stay on script.  Props to her for realizing she was stuck with no choice but to play along. Drew shows up in purple shorts, powder blue boat shoes, and a t-shirt.  

“Dude, is that the way you really want to go out,” I thought.  He had to know he was getting canned.  I would have showed up drunk and shirtless in a Speedo and flip flops.  Where’s Zak when you need him for God’s sake? 

They horseback ride and awkwardly converse down to the designated dump site.  Des and her half shirt and karate pants drops, “I’d be so lucky to have you,”  (say it with me) BUT…followed by a bunch of apologetic platitudes, a good luck, and a see ya later. 

If Drew had any foresight he would have had a bottle of rum chilling in the ice bucket back in his room.  Frankly, I’m not sure if he knew what to think.  I couldn’t tell if he was sweating or crying.

Drew leaves the beach and secretly plans to fly to Chicago after getting Mikey T. and James’ cell numbers from Harrison’s top intern.  There’s bound to be room on that boat for another dude and--if we believe the Mikey Brothers--there will be a collection of concupiscent co-eds in search of a recently released Bachelor awaiting his arrival.    

If I were Drew (and believe me, Drew is no Some Guy) I would have headed straight to the bar.  However, I’m not certain Drew and the word “straight” have an honest relationship at this point.

Alright, that was mean.  I’ll own it.  Drew was actually pretty cool about an obviously humiliating experience.  Dare I say he handled it like a man?  He didn’t cry and (as far as I could tell) didn’t call his mom crying from his limo or wander off on some profanity-laced tirade about being submarined or whatever.  It was clear he loved Des and maybe that’s why acceptance trumped denial and sidestepped anger.  Good for him.  I’ve given him a hard time this season, but he seems nice enough.

Back to Des decked out in her best strapless bikini and black sarong.    

We all know it’s so much easier to gather one’s thoughts without the burden of clothes.  Des tells us that she was “very hoping to find love.”  I was very hoping to not run out of Lone Star before hour three. 

Chris arrives in a turquoise v-neck and puts on his best Make the Most of the Situation Face.

Chris:  Well hello, funny face.  What do you have planned? 

Des:  Oh nuthin’.  Still wondering if you’re going to be here in 10 minutes.  You want to go on a catamaran ride with me so I can think about how Brooks and I were supposed to go on the same catamaran ride before he derailed my dreams? 

Chris: SURE, that sounds fantastic.  Should I wear a cardigan?    

Bless his heart, he did his best to act “normal” but trying to make out with Des under those circumstances was a really bad idea.  That’s like the defensive end trying to spoon the quarterback on the field after the linebacker just took his head off. 

They chat over fruity cocktails and “Expressive” becomes the new “Amazing.”  Des begins to accept the idea that Option 2 is as (or more) viable as the no-longer-available Option 1 and she’ll likely never have to live in fear of Chris waking up one day and realizing he wants to move to New York, live in the West Village, and skip to work.   

Confident, Des strolls over and knocks on Chris’ door.  You’re in, Brooks is out.  “Oooo,” I said aloud.  “Chris might want to wait to watch the show before he talks to Neil Lane.”  Des looked about as shaky as Bambi on ice.  She’s still on the fence but won’t say it. 

Chris:  I’m technically the last guy you slept with, so there’s that.

Des:  What rhymes with Expressive?

SGIA:  Excessive.  Move on. 



Here is a picture of Bambi.



This is also a picture of Bambi.
   



Chris gets a begrudging invite to meet Des’ family (read: deal with her idiot brother).  Chris gives Des yet another secret journal and Des tells us “Never in my life met someone like Chris.”  Well, besides Brooks but he’s back in Utah.  Where’s Dr. Jamie when she needs him?  Lord knows he’s not still helping Womack. 

Another secret journal?  Top that off with the fact that he wrote 3 or 4 dedications and filled the thing with all of this season's poems he's been dragging us through and I began to understand the premise behind Fahrenheit 451.  



Back in studio amongst the orchids and roses.   

Bach alums and perpetual hangers-on Jackie, Lesley, Lindsay, Sean, and Catherine share their “expertise.”  There hasn’t been so much time filled since the Big Bang—and I’m not referring to the Fantasy Dates.  Why Harrison had to play Phil Freaking Donahue and interview these five is beyond me.  Make the damn show two hours and mix in a rerun next time.  Don't these people have jobs?  

Jackie looked great.  When Harrison asked her the Brooks vs. Chris question she dropped, “We drilled her pretty hard while we were there.”  Yea, you and everyone else on the island, Jackie.  Thanks for teeing it up for SGIA.

Goofy Lesley opines and it is abundantly clear that her new hair can’t cover up her quirkiness.  I liked her on the show during Sean's season.  Hopefully she’s worked on her emotional unavailability covered by awkward giggling and has found a fellow blossomed nerd with whom to share her quirkiness. 

Lindsay talks.  Ah, Lindsay.  Still hot.  Still vacant.  I believe I could feel Catherine glaring at her off camera.  

Nate the Ball Buster 

Aren’t we all tired of Des’ brother?  Des clearly was.  Des was an emotional wreck.  The last thing she needed was her brother’s shit.  That apparently didn’t matter to Nate and his pirate outfit.  How uncomfortable did she look during that exchange? 

How do you feel about my sister?  

Chris should have written a poem for Nate and given him a journal so Nate could capture his emotions.

Deer Dyary,

NATE ANGRY.  NATE HAPPY. NATE SUNBURNED. OW.  

Nate.

I assume Fleiss provided written assurance to Nate's Probation Officer promising to keep his passport in a really safe place prior to letting him leave the country.  I was glad when that was over. 

Cut to the standard “waking up” scenes and greeting the “most important day of their lives” on the balconies of their respective suites.   Chris rolls down to the boat house for a tete-a-tete with Neil Lane (who still looks like Paul Anka). 






It’s an Emerald cut, blah, blah, blah.

Neil Lane:  Yes, I’d like to insure one emerald cut diamond ring.

Neil Lane’s State Farm Agent:  Sure, for how long?

Neil Lane:  7 months.

The big proposal begins after the standard roasting in the sun by the flowers and the sea scene is dragged out indefinitely.  Chris and Des talk about Brooks . . . and Drew . . . and she reassures him that she wants the Neil Lane ring . . . I mean she wants to marry him. 

Finally, Chris drops to one knee and recites a painfully sappy set of canned comments about a life together, kids together, poems, puppies, butterflies, ice cream and some other stuff I couldn’t stomach before finally asking her to marry him. 



The following conversation actually took place between the SLF and me: 

Me:     Aren’t you glad I didn’t do some stupid shit like that?

Thoughtful, Reflective Pause

SLF:  Yes. 

Me:  I bought you booze, a ring, . . . and a house. 

SLF:  (laughing) That should go in the blog. 


So there it is.  Chris and Des are officially engaged and out in public.  I can’t say that I feel as sentimental as I usually do at the end of a long Bachelorette season.  This is normally the place where I throw in a comment about making fun of the show but being really happy for the newly engaged couple and wishing them well.  Frankly, I don’t believe it this time.  I think Chris does love her but I think he’s ignoring the fact that she loved someone else right up until the point she told him she loved him.  I think Des is settling for second place.  Regardless, I hope it works.  I reserve my cynicism and look forward to the ABC-sponsored wedding instead of the People Magazine-sponsored break up media blitz. 

With that, we wrap up yet another season of the weekly escapism named The Bachelorette.  I’m rooting for Juan Pablo and praying he’s not a one trick pony.  Hopefully, the guy will be able to carry a season instead of boring me to tears in the first ten minutes of the opener. 

As always, thanks to all of you for reading and for sticking with me.  For those of you who’ll depart now, I hope you’ll come back in January.  For those of you who’ll stick around in the off season, I have lots of great subjects to tackle.  As I mentioned last week, Lincee (www.ihategreenbeans.com) and I will be doing a He Said, She Said series over the next few weeks.  The first one is in the cannon and will be posted very soon.  Send in your thoughts and ideas and shoot me a message on Twitter every now and then. 

Take care of yourselves.  In the meantime, if you need me, I’ll be shopping for a skinny tie to match my sharkskin vest.  DP



52 comments:

  1. DP -- Bravo! Mike and I watched the entire three hours in about 35 minutes (We had the Miller clan over celebrating his Dad's birthday) and your blog was perfection this week!
    Bless you for suffering through it. I will be around for the off season, and can't wait for your series with Lincee.
    And, fellow readers...he's not lying that is literally how he proposed to Mrs. SGIA. She's a lucky lady!
    :) hm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure MM was thrilled. He and I will hash it out on Thursday in a Cherry Creek eatery over some charcuterie. DP

      Delete
  2. I'm a female and I don't get the big fuss over Juan Pablo. I think he has the same animal magnetism as Ben.

    "Lair of seclusion" is the best Bachelor/ette created phrase ever.

    Thanks for the laughs this season, DP!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Solid comment. To the point. No nonsense. Jury's still out on Juan Pablo. We'll see how he does. DP

      Delete
    2. Love your description on JP. Illiterate and can't speak English and unemployed. But has 60 days free in the fall. I told Millsy to get the kid into elocution lessons ASAP.

      Delete
  3. Love the conversation between you and SLF.

    The lead up to all this was so drawn out. Like you said, this could have been over so much sooner but ABC wanted 3 hours worth and they got 3 hours worth -lots of crap but still 3 hours. Brooks was so twitchy when he was on the sofa with Des-like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And does he ever sleep? My gosh, he looked so wasted and this was not the first time I thought that-his eyes always looked so weird like he doesn't sleep. And trust me I know from not sleeping. I am trying to over come major jet lag and sleep is a rare commodity right now. Hopefully Des and Chris can get to know each other away from the cameras. At least we don't have a Dancing with the Stars on top of this to contend with her being one of the "stars".

    Can't wait for the He Said/She Said columns.

    Sal in Utah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He was likely stoned. He looked incredibly feminine as well. I'll be he smelled like lilacs. DP

      Delete
  4. You raised a very good point about Juan Pablo not falling into the overused adjectives that I refuse to mention by name. That's a bright side I did not consider!

    I think Des paid some bartender to slip Nate a xanax into his drink. That, or he was hanging out with Harrison smoking a fatty prior to the family meeting.

    Chris is too good for Des. It's clear that he was a second choice. But, they can be expressive to one another until they break up. Hope she doesn't design her own wedding gown. Eeesh.

    Curious who is everyone's least favorite Bachelorette? Mine would be Deanna Pappas, with Ashley H. as a close second.

    PS - I wonder when they changed the cover of 'Are You There God, It's Me Margaret'? I remember a little girl, staring pensively out the window. Can't believe it's replaced with a bra with a pastel background. It a classic rite of passage book. Don't mess with it!

    Dixie (dnormous)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dnormous, I don't know about "too good." Let's just say that he's going to have his hands full with her brother and likely her family when they settle into suburban Seattle and begin to earn some money. As far as the Judy Blume books go, I'll respect them. Lord knows I wouldn't want to assume responsibility for teaching anyone those life lessons. DP

      Delete
    2. My JB reference was taken out of context. I meant that the publishers shouldn't mess with the original cover art. Upi can make fun of it all you want :)

      dnormous

      Delete
  5. Ooohhhh where to start...Still can't wrap my head around the fact that Des was so distraught about Brooks leaving but then a few short days later ends up engaged to Chris. I'm sure the show edits quite a bit for the dramatic benefit but I still don't know how she goes from "I wanted to give my heart to Brooks and now I just want to go home..." to "I love you, Chris!" in a matter of days. Color me crazy but that doesn't make any sense to me. But she stuck it out (kind of like the rest of us through this crazy season) and went full steam ahead on the Chris train and ended up with a ring on her finger. Probably not from the guy she wanted it from but those are just pesky little details, right???

    I have to admit that I laughed out loud at your comment about the Judy Blume book (because I can't possibly be that old!)but my favorite comment this time around was your description of Drew as he galloped his way to break up beach. I agree that he probably should have realized that he was on his way out and should have just showed up shirtless, sporting some board shorts with a bottle of Patron. Oh wait, that's what I was hoping he would do - never mind. :)

    Looking forward to your translation of Juan Pablo's season (meaning that literally!) and your He Said/She Said blog with Lincee. Thanks again for the laughs, DP! You really are a genius! :)

    Rose in the OC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Details indeed. Let's hope they enjoy the 15 minutes of fame and let's not hold our collective breath at the possibility of this blossoming into a marriage any time soon.

      Delete
  6. Wow, you have outdone yourself this week. I have laughed out loud from the first line until the very end. Watching last night I kept thinking you were going to have lots of good material for today's recap.
    Out of all the very, very funny lines, this one just made me howl: Harrison butts in and suppresses the desire to say “Y’all are not going to believe this sh*t,” before announcing Brooks' 'sudden' departure.
    I think Chris is a great guy and seems to be really in love. Did she settle? Probably. On the other hand, if she moves to Seattle and they lead a half way normal life, they may make it.
    Brooks looked stone to me last night, I agree with Sal in Utah.
    Where did Drew get that suit? Geesh!
    I don't get all the adoration the females in the audience had for Juan Pablo, but he may end up being a fun bachelor. Just hoping ABC will have subtitles each time he talks.
    Can't wait for the "he said/she said" coming up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Liana, as a fellow Texan I'm certain you can appreciate that phrase. It's the beginning of every story told in this state. DP

      Delete
    2. DP, that's the reason I found it so funny because I do appreciate the phrase.

      Delete
  7. "I bought you booze, a ring, . . . and a house."

    I erad that as "horse" at first.

    That made sense.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What a boring season, again! Blah Blah Blah is all I hear most of the time when I wasn't fast forwarding. On the bright side there was always your blog to look forward to. Thanks again for taking the time. Looking forward to the off season posts.

    Paula in Sacramento

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, come on Paula in Sacramento. It was the most (insert provocative adjective) season ever. DP

      Delete
  9. At first I predicted Brooks' return after Fleiss and the guy who hauled Roz's sh*t out of the house delivered a suitcase of money to Utah. Now my money is on Fleiss delivering a suitcase of money and a lifetime supply of eyelash extensions (not to mention a big Neil Lane Ring) to Dez to finish strong. Yet still I root for them. Must be she's the sort of girl that doesn't realize that picking a nice guy might actually end in happiness if she gives it a chance to sink in and feel deserving. - Alisa in Colorado

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alisa in Co, She's got "no one loves me" issues, clearly. I hope she sticks it out. Chris seems normal. Let's hope it works out. DP

      Delete
  10. DP, you nailed it. Also,I for one thought it was funny:

    "Well, actually one pseudo-picnic to dump Drew and one catamaran date to decide if she’ll settle for Saget." I do think Chris is better looking than Saget. I don't like Saget himself that much.

    Also, I remember writing to you that I hope Juan Pablo will be the next Bachelor, he deserves it. I didn't know he couldn't read. But anyway---oh and another thing I loved this time: "Juan Pablo’s tenuous grasp on the English language will likely alleviate the all-too-frequent use of those two words [we know which two--wince wince!]. I’m sure we’ll be introduced to their Latin equivalents."

    But there are too many other dry, abrasive things you wrote in this that I can't enumerate. I love edgy humor and you have mastered it. I don't even think you try. It comes to you as easily as Juan Pablo's soccer ball comes to him.

    Macedonian Hussy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MH, it's not that he CAN'T read. It's that doesn't read. He said so when he was asked about his favorite book. I'm sure he'll compensate in other areas. Thanks for reading this season. DP

      Delete
  11. DP, Another great job this season, but I'm glad we were both wrong in predicting the return of Brooks. Chris seems to be a great guy and a much better match, awful poetry and all. Here's hoping Des has gotten beyond her doesn't-deserve-love issues and truly loves and appreciates her new fiance. Even if he didn't buy her booze and a house.

    One last comment: what's up with the Salt Lake City dudes? Brooks and One F seem to share the same hair stylist. Ugh. And as attractive as I find Juan Pabs, I'm not crazy about his hair either. But he has many other fine attributes so I'm definitely not complaining.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dp2, Chris seems fine. If she merges her life into his and learns a few life lessons they should work out just fine provided she can keep her brother from moving into their basement and mooching off their retirement money. DP

      Delete
  12. It has been a long time since I have commented but I read your blog every week- have for years. No matter what kind of crappy day I have had, you always make me laugh. Thanks for a great job with Des and her - word that shall not be said - journey to find love. I agree with Sal in Utah about Brooks last night (but we shared a womb for 9 months so we often have the same thoughts) He looked very squirmy and out of it and again had a hard time expressing himself. Des looks happy and I hope she and Chris can stay out of the limelight to have a normal life.

    Now that Juan Pablo is the new bachelor, hopefully Derek and the Boys will reappear. I look forward to January.

    I also cannot wait for yours and Lincee's He Said/She Said column

    LucyLu in Texas

    ReplyDelete
  13. Finding love is a good thing—even if it’s forced, temporary, and television-induced. Then again, all ice cream cones melt, don’t they?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And this: I’m not certain Drew and the word “straight” have an honest relationship at this point.

      Delete
    2. Solid. I love it when readers send me their "favorites." Lincee and I exchange an email where we send each other favorite lines every Tuesday. DP

      Delete
  14. SGIA- do you have to see the annoying code letters to publish comments on your blog? It's very hard to do on iPad (as you know how we are reading this) so I suggest you turn off that security thing. Anyhow, your self appointed editor would also like a better explanation of the real life time frame of this season meeting to ATFR. you wrote on twitter that some span was six weeks, but I can't figure out which one. How long have chris and Des been a couple

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea, I've been told that it can be a pain. I'm a slave to Blogger's policies until I drop the coin to get my own site. As for the time frame you'll be disappointed to know that I have no earthly idea. My entire realm of knowledge from the show comes from watching it and writing about it. I don't read anything else other than Lincee's blog after I post mine. I think they film over 6-8 weeks, but I don't know how I came to that conclusion. To borrow a Texas phrase: When it comes to the Bachelor I'm as useless as two tits on a bullfrog. DP

      Delete
  15. Out of all the "most whatever" descriptions Chris Harrison used to describe the finale all season, he forgot the most accurate word: pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fair enough, laurap. at least they didn't go anywhere with dead animal heads on the wall. you would have had to stop watching. DP

      Delete
  16. I've been reading your blog for several years but this is my first comment. You are hilarious and make me laugh out loud!

    I'm so glad Brooks didn't come back as some people were predicting. Chris was my pick from the beginning, and I think he is a much better fit for Des. I see his resemblance to Bob Sagat, but I've always thought he looked like Adam Levine, sans tattoos!

    Thanks for all you do. I can't wait for your post with Lincee!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. A first timer. I love it. Chris is definitely not as douchey as Levine. He's probably a better musician too. DP

      Delete
  17. Excellent!

    “We drilled her pretty hard while we were there.” Yea, you and everyone else on the island, Jackie. - this had me laughing loud enough to generate concern in the cube next to me. Loved your take on the season, looking forward to the posts with Lincee.

    Ann in Denver

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ann in Denver, glad I could brighten your day with a filthy joke. I'm even happier it happened at work. Thanks for reading. DP

    ReplyDelete
  19. So I am aging myself but I totally chuckled at the Judy Blume book bit-that you know it AND admit it and not wanting to discuss it...period. Oh that was good. So clever and funny.
    ~Cariss

    ReplyDelete
  20. I think this was some of your finest work DP - I laughed out loud several times. Your references were spot on too. I loved Judy Blume (Forever was better though :) )
    - Kirsty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll have to brush up on my Judy Blume and get back to you. DP

      Delete
  21. Some Guy, this may have been your most amazing, expressive recap in the journey of my reading your site... and it was clearly written for the right reasons. Thanks for all the twitter replies Monday night too!!!

    TX forever,

    Kellie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kellie, would you characterize this entry as the most dramatic entry this season? DP

      Delete
  22. People can't understand why I still watch this show---it's all about the blogs, baby! Love reading it from a guy's perspective.

    Glad they picked JP for the next Bachelor. Don't know if I could stomach a season with Shirtless Zak or worse, yet--James the Giant Douche.
    Looking forward to the He said/She said!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He Said will be posted in the next day or so. Stay tuned. Thanks for sticking around. DP

      Delete
  23. I have been reading and enjoying your blog for some time, but I gotta tell you the gay references are offensive. It's a little too much. I hope you consider this and tone down the stereotypical references (skipping in the West Village).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon, I've been called everything from a sexist to a racist over the years of doing this. Now I can add homophobe to the list. Let me address your comment in a serious way.

      First, this is my blog and my content. I'm not going to apologize for the way I express my ideas. There is NEVER any ill intent or veiled motive behind my jokes. They are, after all, jokes. I understand that some comments taken out of context may offend some readers. However, context is the operative word here. This is a tongue and cheek take on a ridiculous reality show and it's a vehicle for me to fool around with you as the readers who watch it. It's nothing more. If you're been reading "for some time" you'll know that I often use hyperbole and stereotypes to drive home a point. The reference to the West Village is both hyperbole and a stereotype. The joke, by the way, is directed at Brooks, not all gay people. I wonder if you'd feel the same way if I took a shot at Republicans, The Tea Party, or the Pro Heterosexual Marriage crowd?

      Again, I can't make everyone happy. However, what I write here should be taken with a grain of salt. For the record, I've never expressed my political, religious, moral, or any other "position" on this blog aside from my rant about gun ownership last week. If you really take the time to look back I think you'll see that I've been just as friendly and hostile toward gays, Germans, the French, Bachelors, Bachelorettes, Men, Women, and any other group I've made jokes about.

      Finally (and most importantly), I am grateful that you take the time to visit this site and read what I write. I am sincerely appreciative that you took the time to comment even if we don't see eye to eye on the subject manner. If you choose to come back next week and the week after that, perhaps you'll find something that will put a smile on your face. That is, after all, the REAL message I'm trying to send here.

      Thanks again, DP

      Delete
    2. I appreciate your thoughtful response. Perhaps my sensitivity lies in that I have a gay brother (with an incredible sense of humor who does not take himself too seriously) who feels these kinds of remarks are offensive. It somehow still seems to be more ok to make stereotypical (with a bent of negativity) statements about gays than Jews, for example (I'm one of those, too). I think you are most funny when no one is at the butt of the joke - except for the idiots that go on these shoes. I love your writing, and enjoy your blog. Keep up the great work, and I will continue to read. I hope you reconsider what I have said. We are all evolving beings out here!

      Delete
    3. Fair enough. The ability to respond cordially and intelligently in the face of your frustration is admirable. I'm sure it's a quality that's served you well. Thanks for sticking around. For the record, feel free to email if you'd like a more in depth discussion regarding political correctness and why it's acceptable to insult some groups as opposed to others. DP

      Delete
  24. I love the looks I can get with this. It's a definite Iink isMaxolip already know which is my favorite and it surprised me - the winner. Of course the whole box is great.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Maxolip is very effective, I used it and got benefit

    ReplyDelete