Saturday, March 11, 2017


Well HELLO, Readers (those of you who are left).  Let me say a few things about the past few weeks before I get to my well-reasoned explanation for not taking time out to write about the past couple of Bachelor episodes.  

First off, I'm fine.  THANK YOU so much to those of you who posted "where are you" and "how are you" and "I'm starting to worry about you" messages in my email and social media pages.  Frankly, I am humbled and flattered that my absence from what to me, at times, seems like such a meaningless endeavor could actually compel some of you to check on my well-being.  Thank you again.  I sincerely apologize if any of you wasted even a moment of your precious time being even remotely concerned about me.  

Second, I have to confess that I have not watched the past two episodes, nor have I taken the time to find out what happened.  With the exception of a very brief conversation with my dear friend, Lincee Ray--who also received inquiries about my aforementioned well-being--I have no clue as to where we stand.  

Granted, Fleiss let the cat out of the bag when he prematurely announced Rachel as our next Bachelorette before she was (presumably) defiled by Nick (No. 6 in the Defiled by Nick on National Television Fan Club, by the way) in the Fantasy Suite prior to being sent home. So my assumption is that Raven and Vanessa are the last women standing.  I'll catch up.  I just don't know when. 

Third, for those of you who have been reading this blog (Bachelor and non-Bachelor content) for some time now, you're undoubtedly familiar with my love of Bigfoot; a love, by the way, that predates any of the ridiculous "documentaries" currently posing as entertainment on various networks across the cable spectrum.  

I actually watch Finding Bigfoot.  I watch not because I actually believe that a bi-pedal hominid is going to come waltzing out of the woods in front of the camera, but because I am literally fascinated by the utter lack of rationalism and objectivity required by the scientific method demonstrated on the show in addition to the presupposed, unilateral conclusion that "Bigfoots" (yes, plural) are omnipresent before any of the "evidence" is gathered.  They might as well be looking for the Easter Bunny or Easter Bunnies as it were.  

As I see it, there are really only two logical possibilities that a person can draw from watching that show.  Either Bigfoot, as elusive as he is regarded to be, does not exist or he has a severe aversion to fat white men and lesbians.  

That show would more aptly be titled Not Finding Bigfoot.  Regardless, I read that the four "investigators" on that show just signed multi-year, seven figure deals--each--to continue to not find Bigfoot in some of the most pristine wilderness sites across the world.  

I, as the saying goes, am in the wrong business.  

SGIA Captured in Northern California circa March 2017

Unlike Bigfoot, I don't have multiple groups of middle-aged men hiking around Northern California howling into the darkness and hitting trees with sticks looking for me in an effort to find fame and fortune while fighting off the inevitable onset of Type-2 Diabetes.  Ergo, my own elusiveness as of late.

Frankly, if anyone wants to find me he should just place a six pack of cold Lone Star bottles with my name on it at the front door of any Austin honky tonk and retire to the bushes with a dart gun.  I'd be stuffed and on display inside of a week.  

As most of you also know, I am an attorney by day and those responsibilities, as of late, have grown like the Venus Flytrap in Little Shop of Horrors.  Just to give you an idea of what my life has been like over the past 11 days.  My schedule is listed below. 

  • March 1.  Fly to central Florida for a deposition then fly back to Austin on the same day. 
  • March 2.  Fly to southern California for several depositions and client meetings.  
  • March 3.  Fly home on morning red eye for court in Austin that afternoon
  • March 6.  Fly to northern California for a hearing in Federal Court and client meetings before and after it.  
  • March 7 Redeye home for a hearing in Austin in the AM then hop a flight to Houston for a hearing in the afternoon.  Fly back to Austin that night.
  • March 8 Status conference via phone (thank God) for Houston case.
  • March 9-10  Federal brief and state pleadings drafted in addition to supplementation of discovery in 4 cases with pending depositions and hearings in March.  

I'm also traveling the 13th and 14th, 19th-23rd, and 27th and 28th of March.  Oh yea, none of that takes in to account the amount of preparation (reading, writing, meeting, researching  etc.) and I have personal stuff to attend to as well.  

You get the picture.  Sorry I haven't written.  For what it's worth, the blog isn't the only thing on hold.  Overall, I am blessed to have a busy practice and a lot of work to translate into the one thing that makes the world go around.  

Stressful?  Yes.  Fun?  Not really.  Perspective is gained and lost depending on one's proximity to the stresses of life. (un)Fortunately, I've been in cycle after cycle of this type during my career.  It will slow down . . . eventually.   

Oh, listen to me.  I've gotten so wound up in my own trivialities and solipsism that I haven't yet focused on what is really important here.  I hope that Nick finds true happiness after sleeping with Raven and Vanessa  . . . and Kaitlyn, and Andi, and Amanda, and Rachel . . . .

Thanks again for caring.  Your messages mean a lot.  If you care, my money is on Vanessa next week.  Frankly, I think Nick would prefer a geographically close Canadian with a boisterous family who drink like fish to a conservative, Bible belt Southern Girl from small town Arkansas.  I would have chosen differently, but let's hope it all works out.  

Love you.  Mean it. 

Have a wonderful week.  In the meantime, if you need me, I'll be about 38,000 feet over your heads.  DP