Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Bachelorette JoJo Episode 2: Chad is an Idiot

Hello, Readers.  Welcome to the Episode TWO recap of the show we're all forcing ourselves to watch this season.  Yes, I know I missed a posting last week.  Allow me to vent a bit before the real fun starts.  

As I mentioned, I did not post last week.  For those of you who check here on a regular basis, let me first thank you for caring enough to come back week after week to read the drivel I post here.  I really do appreciate each person who takes the time to read and/or comment on the post.  

However, I was a bit put off to see some, quite frankly, nasty messages and e-mails from some of you threatening to never read again due to my delay or lack of posting.  Please allow me to respond.  

In my real life, I am the Supervising Partner of a law firm with six offices in four states currently with a very heavy and active Federal and State court litigation docket.  Last week, I left Austin on a 5am flight on Tuesday morning to Ft. Lauderdale and hit Nashville, Dallas, and Houston in the following two days for work before getting home to Austin at 10:30 p.m. on Thursday night--three days after the big show.  

I say that not to brag--believe me, that's nothing to brag about--but as a statement of facts demonstrative of my inability to post on time all the time.  I enjoy writing this blog.  In fact, it was started, in part, to give me a creative outlet far away from the boring world of legal writing and dragging a rolling bag through airports.  

It's been great, but the blog doesn't pay for my almost unquenchable penchant for German cars and fancy watches, and it certainly doesn't pay for the mortgage on my house or the 30 packages a day Mrs. SGIA has delivered to our doorstep from Amazon Prime.  We should be getting a drone assigned exclusively to our house any day now.  

If I miss a post every now and then it's not due to some carefully planned conspiracy to deprive you of your right to screw around at work or escape your kids after a long day.  There aren't guys in straw fedoras and black and white suits lurking behind the Grassy Knoll in an effort to prevent you from successfully reading my blog each week.  

If I happen not to post it's due to an inability to post rather than a desire to not post.  Please forgive me.  If that's still not good enough to prevent you from dropping negative comments or sending me emails about what a shitty person I am, then please, find another blog.  You're getting all I can give here.  

Thanks for listening.  Now the fun stuff.  Let's get to it.  

As the long-time readers know, I'm usually better at this when I'm sufficiently edgy.  Today is one of those days.  Let's see what happens.  

First off Chad from Dallas is an idiot.  Even in Dallas this guy still stands out amongst even the most egregious idiots.  He's like the Michael Jordan of idiots:  He can be contained but he cannot be stopped.  

I think the words "Meathead" and "Douchebag" were thrown around by his peers like meaningless compliments at a rooftop, post-group date cocktail party last night.  I suppose those are sufficiently accurate descriptions of his behavior.  However, I think it goes beyond that.  

Any guy who does shirtless chin ups on a pergola with his supplement-filled suitcase chained to his waist in front of the cameras is a rare breed indeed.  The irony is that he continually accused the other guys of being fake and disingenuous over the course of the episode.  If that's the real you, Chad, please get some help.  If his ego were any more inflated you could stencil the word "Hindenburg" on his side.   If I had to hazard a guess I'd bet that Chad will share a similar fate as the bloated hydrogen dirigible, but he'll stick around long enough to serve as a catalyst to the meltdown of a few guys before burning himself out.    

I found it telling that his work history includes car and real estate sales.  Sounds about right.  The sad thing is that there are a lot of you reading this who find that guy appealing because you A.) like his confidence, and B.) think that if you could date him you could change him.  Poor decisions aside, take my advice and don't ever date a "Chad."  

Fire Fighter Date.  

I found it odd that Grant was invited on the fire fighter date.  It's too bad they didn't have a Luxury Real Estate Salesman date.  Chad would have had an opportunity to shine beyond an impromptu set of pergola pull-ups while weighted down by his supplement-filled suitcase.  

Wells is a pu**y and he admits it.  I thought it said a lot about him that he kept his head down and tried to compete despite being so far out of his element that he knew he didn't have a chance.  It reminded me of that challenge on Bachelor Pad when resident dunce Lacy had to think her way through a puzzle.  Bless both of their hearts.  

Wells knew he was physically outclassed, but he used it to his benefit.   All he has to do now is ditch the morning beanie and he has a legit shot at the crown assuming JoJo can see past Chad's pecs.  

Chad's alpha male antics hiding his deep seeded insecurity (and probable homosexual panic) were unwatchable up until the shirtless, poolside sing along featuring all of the other dudes singing custom-made JoJo-based lyrics written by James Taylor (the curly-haired chucklehead one, not the Fire and Rain used to be married to Carly Simon one).  At that point I started to agree with Chad.  Hell, at that point I hoped he'd do more supplement suitcase pull ups.  

Luke, Grant, Wells (as if he wasn't already exhausted from his heat exhaustion) are the special selections in the fireman challenge to win extra time with JoJo.  

They put her in a pair of fireman pants, a white skin tight tank top with red suspenders atop a burning tower so the men can and surmount various fire-related obstacles and come to her rescue.   The only thing they forgot to do was to hose her down with icy water before putting her atop the tower like a piece of venison for the wolves to hunt.   

And just how does this not objectify women?  

I'd like some comments in the Comment section about that little scenario.  Look, I'm as traditional as the next guy.  I open doors for women, Mrs. SGIA always orders first at dinner, and I'd be the first guy give up my seat in any crowded bar, bus, or restaurant if a woman wanted it.  That's the way it works where I live and everyone is fine with it.  There is, however, something about the whole helpless maiden in distress scenario that bugged me about that date; especially since Wells could have very well been the one who needed actual rescuing.  Hell, maybe I'm overthinking it.    

Grant wins.  Of course he does.  He's a fireman.  With fire training.  And a degree in Fireology, or whatever it's called.      

Grant and JoJo have some one on one.  She looks great.  I'll say it again, she obviously did the work in the off season.    

Ding Dong Date Card.  Brandon reads it whilst looking nihilistic and acting like his Emo Phillips impersonation isn't on purpose.    He's about as harmless as a sponge.  

“Derek, Love is full of choices.  JoJo”.

Cocktail Party.

Wells has one on one and drops that he has a bloodhound named Carl.  All in all, solid work for the guy who got Ames-ed on the group date.  I like him and think he should go further than he will.  He's interesting, humble, and seems to be a real dude amongst a sea of tanning cream, shaved legs, and supplement-filled suitcases.  Alas, he's not alpha enough to keep her attention in the fray.  He'll stick around but will ultimately be one of those guys we hate to see go home.  

Evan has kids.  We know that because he says it in a five second clip before they cut away to yet another rant by the protein packing, testosterone test tube named Chad.

The ex-swimmer, Robby, wears a turtle neck and a sport coat.  He looked like he just took second in a gin rummy tournament in Miami Beach.  Turtle neck and a sport coat?  Ok, Captain.  

He seems nice enough but is WAY to metrosexual for my taste.  Then again, I'm not dating him.  JoJo will keep him around until the top 4 or 5.  If he's got any game he'll get to the home town.  She's used to seeing manicured men like him in and around Dallas.   

She also likes Luke but I think he’ll fade unless they have some kind of "amazing moment" on a date or something.  He's a loner cowboy type and is bound to lose his mystery before the end.  Then again, she's into the Texas thing and he's a guy's guy which will play well once Chad implodes.    

Date Rose.  Wells gets date rose.  Let's be fair, near heat exhaustion should equal a rose.  Luke says “Fuss-trated” another time but seemed to acknowledge, at least tacitly, that dehydration and a swollen brain should be worth something.  Incidentally, Luke : Fuss-trated as Desiree : Im-poor-ant. 

On on one.  The Hipster one ups Wells with an even stupider hat than that Rastafarian thing Wells wore to the morning pow wow.  To be fair, I'm not from Nashville.  Perhaps the Rastafarian community has a strong foothold amongst the DJ population there.  

Derek dons softball shirt nearly identical to the one he wore in his head shot save for the fact that the color scheme was the opposite.  Someone went to Old Navy's seasonal clearance sale and got one hell of a 3 of 1 deal on those shirts before leaving for California.  I can't wait to see the third one in the bunch. 

The date was uneventful.  Private jet to San Fran and some innocuous relationship conversation at dinner.  He wouldn't have gotten that date if she wasn't interested, but I didn't see a lot of chemistry but he got a Date Rose.   

More singing back and the mansion.  Apparently, Chucklehead Taylor wasn't satisfied with one stanza about JoJo.  Daniel and Chad have a macho black tank top chat which includes a lot of underlying gay tension and protein shake metaphors.  So weird.

Third date.  

Jordan, Christian, Nick, James, James Chucklehead Taylor, Alex, Chad, “Prove your love to me and the nation.” 

ESPN headquarters.  Alex drops “super douche” on Chad and Chad continues to brutalize Alex about his lack of height.  JoJo arrives in lack knee boots with the black pants and lacy top.   She looked like Jack Sparrow with less eye liner.  

The Sports Nation talk show hosts oversee a seriously dumb series of challenges.  I couldn't even watch it.  Chad ramps up the assholish conduct and drops a "Naggy" on JoJo to a chorus of Oohs and Aahs from the dudes.  

By the way, why would all of them feel the need to act like the Real Housewives of (Insert Name of Major City) and incessantly complain about it before "confronting" Chad about his bad behavior?  Why not just leave it alone and let him hang himself with JoJo?  

James Taylor inexplicably wins the big Power Ranking Challenge and gets a rose.  

Cocktail party at The Houdini Estate. 

James Taylor continues to play his one note and drops a weird napkin written poem on JoJo.  He gets a kiss less romantic the the last one his grandmother gave him.  She wasn't impressed.  

Chad continues to tear apart all the guys . . . and all of the free red meat he can put his hands on.  He’s right about most of it, honestly, but he has to pull back on the macho Alpha Male behavior and stop referring to himself as "A Man".  We all know that he's either super insecure beneath the Tarzan act or he's afflicted with an actual diagnosable psychological disorder.    

JoJo seemingly handles the knuckle dragging well.  It's difficult to tell if she's on to it and just riding it out for the sake of private jet dates with guys she's actually interested in or if she's buying it a bit.  Time will tell, I suppose.  Based on her hometown last season she’s used to the alpha male controlling bullshit. 

The Date Rose goes to James Taylor.  Pretty cool, James.  You've Got a Friend.    

Cocktail Party.  She shows up in sparkles and Chad is waiting with wine and a tie matching her dress.  Coincidence?  Do we even need to ask that question? 

It's apparently gray suit night at the mansion.  This season's gray suit is last season's colorful socks and deep V t-shirt. 

Vinny remained sober, which was nice.   

"Blizzarding" is apparently a verb.  In an inexplicable moment, Chase gets JoJo mittens and "makes it snow."  Poor Guy.  He's clearly taking it where he can get it.  He seems like the most normal dude in the house and my guess is that he'll rally in the next few shows.  Playing it semi-safe while the idiots sword fight it out with the self-proclaimed alpha male has worked in the past.   

In another bizarre moment, JoJo and Will TP the house.  Not to be outdone, Christian strips down to his Jockey shorts and invites JoJo to take a bath with him.  Classy move.  She looked horrified.    

Chad successfully stirs the pot.  At this point I was so over it I almost turned off the show.  Almost.    

The other dudes, spurred on by the diminutive yet stocky Alex pull a Real Housewives-esque confrontation leaving Chad unscathed.  This idiot will stick around until he's no longer useful or he melts down enough to get kicked to the curb by the producers.  Either way, his days are limited.  

Harrison shows up, dings the thingy, and the roses are dispersed.    


1.         Wells
2.         Derek
3.         James Taylor
4.         Alex
5.         Christian
6.         Robby and his bowtie
7.         Luke
8.         Chase
9.         Jordan
10.       Grant
11.       Ali
12.       Daniel
13.       James F.
14.       Nick
15.       Vinny
16.       Evan
17.       Chad


James S.

At least we didn't have to see any more of this guy.  He's probably off being a "pilot".  

Well, that's it for this week, folks.  Enjoy the week and send me your feedback.  In the meantime, if you need me, I'll be eating meat.  DP

Monday, May 16, 2016

Bachelorette JoJo: Some Guy Rates the Dudes.


Well hello, Readers! Welcome back to the beginning of the newest season of our favorite reality show.  As you are probably aware, the dudes have been carefully selected in order to hit every ABC predetermined demographic.  The bios have also been carefully crafted so as not to annoy any potential protestors and in an earnest effort to avoid any micro aggressions.  Just to be safe, let's consider the entire ABC web page dedicated to this show as our own little Trigger Warning, shall we?      

Let's see, there's a Middle Eastern guy, several black guys, hopeless hipsters, grinning guys with jobs, brooding bartenders, a couple of Canadians, and I'm certain that sooner than later it will be revealed which one is the transgender.  Hint:  let's see if he and JoJo use the same bathroom at the cocktail party.  

Conspicuously absent is the usual parade of "Fitness Instructors" and "Personal Trainers," although I suspect that there may be one or two hidden in the bunch.  Maybe there was a protein powder sale at GNC on the day they had the Bachelorette casting call.     

Our Bachelorette has made a semi-strong appearance so far.  

She's fallen in love, been . . . ahem . . . "loved" in the Fantasy Suite, and been dumped the day after the aforementioned coitus in front of the coveted Neil Lane wedding hardware.  She's had a Hometown visit go awry when her testosterone-soaked brothers attempted to out macho each other all in the name of "protecting" their sister's (allegedly) heretofore untarnished reputation.

Yes, folks, she's put herself out there and she's been burned and I'm absolutely certain we'll find out that she's ready to "risk it all again" in the name of finding the potential, soon-to-be almost finance in exchange for attending meaningless red carpet events, appearing in an Arby's commercial or two, and having a complimentary year's supply of AquaNet dropped off on her condo doorstep right where the regretfully lovesick Chad from Dallas "coincidentally" delivered her a dozen roses and his (fake) "I want you back in my life" letter contemporaneous with Ben's visit.  It's Bachelorette Season.  Let's get to it.  

First, she's the prettiest Bachelorette since Emily Maynard.  She looks great, albeit she did seem to pack on a few EL BEES (LBs) toward the end of last season.  Based on the Jessica Rabbit photos; however, she's been in Bachelorette training camp.  She looks great.     

Disclaimer:  I do my best with this post.  It's never that funny because there's too much going on.  My opinions reflect my first impression from the answers to the inane biography questions (e.g., where do you see yourself in 10 years?) and the carefully airbrushed headshots.  

Alex, 26, a U.S. Marine from Oceanside, CA
Bachelorette JoJo
Good looking guy who hasn't lost his penchant for Army green since he left the Marine Corps.  Based on the angry Bruce Banner shirt fit, he apparently washed his cute little oxford in hot water.  He looks a bit too "together" for JoJo.  Then again, she fell for Ben's vanilla charm.  

When asked, "What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve ever done?" he answered, "Ripped the door off a totaled, burning car and pulled the unconscious driver out to safety."

Add "shirtless with my bare hands" after the word "off" and change that unconscious driver to a squealing puppy and you'll breeze past the cocktail party, Alex.  

Ali, 27, a bartender from Santa Monica, CA
Bachelorette JoJo
Looks like he rolled out of bed and picked up that stretched coral v-neck off of his apartment floor.  He's a bartender, which means he smells like limes and stale beer.  He's sufficiently good looking and if he's worth anything as a bartender, he has the gift of gab.  He's not on the chopping block.  

When asked, "Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”?" he answered "Party-starter with a laid-back attitude."  

If he can't commit to a questionnaire answer, how can he commit to JoJo?  

Brandon, 28, a hipster from Los Angeles, CA
Bachelorette JoJo

Shit.  I don't even know where to start with this guy.  I'd have picked him as one of the Canadians living north of the Arctic Circle based upon his pasty skin.  He's apparently never made it to the beach out there in Los Angeles.  

When asked, "Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?"  He answered, "Yes, hopeless. I see love everywhere. I want to experience someone from the inside out. I want The Notebook-type of experience."

By "Notebook type experience" I assume he means from Noah's perspective and not the poor rich sap who married Allie before she went and cheated on him in a rain storm.  

SGIA Rates The Notebook Click here if you're interested on my take of the entire movie.

This guy is a self proclaimed hipster.  He's bound to be an idiot.  I won't even comment on the Jason Schwartzman haircut.  He should want to experience gainful employment and see job applications everywhere.  
Chad, 28, a luxury real estate agent from Tulsa, OK
Bachelorette JoJo
Speaking of looking like he just woke up.  He should go to a luxury shaving store and buy some luxury shaving cream before the next luxury head shot.  He looks like a "Chad" too.  It appears that the v-neck t-shirt is coming on strong this season with no plans on going away quietly.  It's like Bernie Sanders.  

Chad was asked about his all-time favorite movies.  Any guess what ranked number one?  The Notebook.  At least he and the hipster will have something to discuss in the corner while they're being ignored at the cocktail party.  This guy also inexplicably answered  "alright, alright, alright" to 3 of the 7 bio questions.  Idiot, idiot, idiot.    
Chase, 27, a medical sale representative from Highlands Ranch, CO
Bachelorette JoJo
I'll give him a pass on the long underwear shirt and the fact that he has a verb for a name.  Normal looking guy with a real job and a great place to live.  His bio also proves that he doesn't take himself too seriously.   

When asked, "Meatloaf said he would 'do anything for love, but he won’t do that.' What will you not do?"

He answered,  "Sell my truck."  Solid start, Chase.  He should stick around if JoJo isn't fooled by some of the other Chachies on the list.   

Christian, 26, a telecom consultant from Los Angeles, CA
Bachelorette JoJo
What are your three best attributes? 

Answer?  Work ethic, ability to assimilate and connect with all types of people, ambitious and hungry to learn.  

It's a good thing he didn't put "math," because that's five things, not three.  

Colin “Coley,” 27, a real estate consultant from Chicago, IL
Bachelorette JoJo
Another guy with long underwear on for his head shot.  Perhaps the oddest looking guy in the bunch, he may be out-machoed by some of the alphas in the group.  Unlike ole Chad, "Coley" here sells just plain old real estate.  Perhaps he'll buy a collared shirt when he moves up to luxury real estate sales.  

Daniel, 31, a male model from Vancouver, B.C., Canada
Bachelorette JoJo
The first Canadian in the bunch.  

When asked "Are you comfortable wearing swimwear in public?," he responded, "Very comfortable. Why have a lambo if you park it in the garage?"  

That comment sums it up.  He should fit right in with JoJo's metrosexual Dallas brothers if he can pull himself away from admiring his own reflection long enough to pay attention to JoJo.  Lambo?  Moron.  

Derek, 29, a commercial banker from Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Bachelorette JoJo
Aside from apparently showing up after a softball game in his uniform for the photo shoot, Derek here looks like a normal dude and even has a bona fide real job.  He apparently has a sense of humor as well. When asked, "Do you have a serious fear of any kind of animal?," he answered, "Fluffy kittens."  Assuming that's not true, this guy will likely eat narcissists like Daniel for lunch.  

Evan, 33, an erectile dysfunction specialist from Nashville, TN
Bachelorette JoJo
I'm convinced we found the transgender.  The only reason I want this guy to stick around is so that I can learn what it takes to become an expert in Erectile Dysfunction.  That doesn't sound like a very hard job.  Boom.  See what I did there?  

The asked "would you consider yourself a romantic and why?," he answered,  "Yes, I believe I’m in touch with my sexual energy and it’s very powerful and beautiful."  

Ironically, this guy is the biggest hard-on in the bunch.      

Nevermind the sexual energy; he needs to get in touch with his pseudo-beard and his hairline.  Is that shirt lycra?    

Grant, 28, a firefighter from San Francisco, CA
Bachelorette JoJo
Grant's all time favorite move is Ninja Turtles.  As odd as that is coming from a 28-year old guy, he actually specified "the original" Ninja Turtles movie.  First, I had no idea there was more than one.  Second, that comment implies that he's actually taken the time to watch all of the Ninja Turtles movies and has thought about all of them long enough to reach the conclusion that the subsequent Ninja Turtles movies lack some thing substantive that the first one has in spades.  F*cking weird.  
Jake, 26, a landscape architect from Playa Vista, CA
Bachelorette JoJo
Equally as confusing as our animation-loving fireman above is this guy who tells us that his favorite movie is also Ninja Turtles.   However, he actually prefers Ninja Turtles III to the other two.  Me too, Jake.  Frankly, the first two were merely precursors to the action-packed, allegory-filled, avant garde edginess of the third one.  And while I prefer to view all of the Ninja Turtles movies as just one great story, I hear you, man.  Megan Fox is a phenomenal actress.    

Good Lord.  Did these guys think they were applying for a job as a camp counselor or a husband?  Incidentally, I feel the same way about all of the Maeda movies.  If you take them one at a time, they lack the cohesiveness and the sincerity as when viewed as one brilliant statement about a morbidly obese black stereotypes.  

James F., 34, a boxing club owner from Nashville, TN

Bachelorette JoJo
"What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Left the safety of chiropractic to pursue my fitness and acting dreams."  

Ahh, another melancholy chiropractor with a fitness and acting dream.   So cliche.  So he's a bullshit artist.  That should play well for a few shows.  Hey, James, let me suggest an opening line out of the limo.

"Plaid to Meet you, JoJo."

James S., 27, a “Bachelor” superfan from Phoenix, AZ
Bachelorette JoJo
Lime green long underwear shirt?  This guy looks like Hugh Jackman's younger homosexual brother.  

As if the "superfan" designation, the shirt, and the perky headshot didn't muddy the waters of his gender identity when asked, "do you consider yourself a romantic and why? ," he answered, "Yes, very much so. I’ve been intimate with very few women because I think sex is very important and not to be taken lightly. Never had a one-night stand or any intimacy with anyone I haven’t gotten to know for a while."

Hike up that red rhinestone dress, kick off your heels, and run like hell, JoJo.  If not, I hope you like show tunes.    

James Taylor, 29, a singer-songwriter from Katy, TX
Bachelorette JoJo
I hate to give a fellow Texan a hard time, but James here needs a stylist, a PR team, and someone to break the news to him that there's a guy named James Taylor that's done pretty well in the music business already.  

Another jackass with a guitar.  Let's give him the benefit of the doubt.  JoJo will like the Texan connection, and the guitar (let's face it) has never hindered anyone from impressing the ladies.  I just hope he learned Wes Hayden's "Love Don't Come Easy."  

Jonathan, 29, a technical sales representative from Vancouver, B.C., Canada
Bachelorette JoJo
"Who is your favorite author? J.D. Salinger or R.L. Stine."  I'm not a huge fan of the former and the latter gives me Goosebumps.  I can't tell if he's wearing one shirt or two in this picture.  And he appears Asian but says he's from Canada.  All in all, Jonathan appears to be a man of many contradictions.  If he has any personality to go with his skin tight shirts and diverse literary preferences, he could be a sleeper.  However, JoJo doesn't strike me as the ethnic type.  She'll likely stick to what she's used to:  "Chads" from Dallas.  

Jordan, 27, a former pro quarterback, Chico, CA
Bachelorette JoJo
This poor guy has Bob's Big boy's haircut and a world famous Super Bowl winning brother (Aaron Rogers).  Let's forget he lives in the meth capital of Northern California.  He's either going to be really awesome or really bitter.  If his bio is telling, he sounds awesome.

When asked, "What’s the wildest thing you’ve done in the bedroom?," he answered, "Try to hang a TV on the wall without directions or a stud finder."  Solid.  I'm rooting for this guy.    
Luke, 31, a war veteran from Burnet, TX
Bachelorette JoJo
Another long underwear shirt that's a few sizes too small.  It appears that the deep-V t-shirt has a competitor.  This guy is from right up the road from SGIA, but his head shot is a bit odd looking, isn't it?  

"What does being married mean to you?" 

Answer?  "It means two people who consider themselves best friends, lovers and soulmates, decide to take on life together and build a life and family of their own." 

Luke, the question implies, at a minimum, some low level introspection.  It didn't literally mean for you to break out Webster's Oxford English Dictionary and copy the definition of the word.  

My guess is that he's boring.  Mostly because of a lack of personality rather that the fact that his shirt is cutting off the circulation to his brain. 

Nick B., 33, an electrical engineer, Fort Lauderdale, FL
Bachelorette JoJo
Nick considers himself the party starter.  Finally, the guy with the best shot of getting hammered and making an ass of himself on night one.  Educated, normal looking guy with a shirt that gives him room to raise his arms over his head.  He has an honest face too.  I think he does well.  

Nick S., 26, a software salesman from San Francisco, CA
Bachelorette JoJo
He should just introduce himself to the Erectile Dysfunction guy and they should skip the season in favor of a romantic trip to Fire Island.  I can hear the Maroon 5 blaring in the background as I look at this picture.  

When asked, "What is your greatest achievement to date?," he answered,  "Eagle Scout."  

That's apparent.  He's wearing his Webolo's kerchief.  

Be more specific, Nick S.  Did you become an Eagle Scout or did you kidnap one?  #creepy.  

When it comes to being asked to pack up your cute little scarf and head to the airport, Be Prepared.  
Peter, 26, a staffing agency manager from Chicago, IL
Bachelorette JoJo

This guy will Peter out before things get interesting.  I wouldn't worry about that, however.  If he does get asked to leave he's got a spot as Bernardo in the Irvine Valley College Theater in the Park production of West Side Story.   Word on the street is that he's a hell of a dance fighter.  

He tells us in his bio that he'd like to see dinosaurs.  He'll see a dinosaur alright.  He'll have a face-to-face encounter with a giant Dump-O-Saurus.

Robert “Robby,” 27, a former competitive swimmer from Jacksonville, FL
Bachelorette JoJo
"Do you like to dress up or do you prefer casual attire as a rule? I love more than anything to dress up!"

Yaaaaay for Robby.  

Sorry, ladies.  I know this guy's got a fan or two out there but he might as well sashay over to Nick S. and James S. at the cocktail party and propose starting a boy band.  A peach V-neck.  If any of you ladies are honest out there, this guy is way too manicured to catch your attention.  

Sal, 28, an operations manager from Fort Lauderdale, FL
Bachelorette JoJo

Normal guy with a normal enough shirt and a normal enough job.  He also hates the Kardashians.  I like him already.  JoJo probably won't.  He appears a bit "safe"
Vincent “Vinny,” 28, a barber from Delray Beach, FL
Bachelorette JoJo
Vinny the Barber from DelRay Beach.  Sounds like a modern day adaptation of a Rossini opera.    

When asked if he had any tattoos he responded, "None, my mom would kill me."  28-year old Italian guy who is still afraid of his mother.  Two words for JoJo:  Red Flag.  Then again, if he actually respects his mother rather than fears her, he may work out just fine.  

Wells, 31, a radio DJ from Nashville, TN
Bachelorette JoJo
Solid bio and a very Pony Boy Curtis headshot.  He's a DJ from Nashville which means he has a personality.  He could run the table if she's not into the meatier meat heads of the bunch.  Let's face it, DJ's aren't really known for their physiques.

"Describe your idea of the ultimate date: Really good tacos, a great live band, a walk around the city, and wine and cheese on my front porch as Otis Redding plays on my turn table."  

Hell, after I read that I wanted to take off my bra and I'm not even wearing one.  
William “Will,” 26, a civil engineer from Jersey City, NJ
Bachelorette JoJo
Will hates it when his date…"Talks about heavy subjects too soon."  Right.  He'll fit in just fine on the show.  We'll see what kind of chops he has, although a guy from Jersey City is going to stick out like a weed in a rose bush in Dallas, Texas.  

Well, there it is.  Comments and Tweets giving me your two cents are always welcome. I, for one, am looking forward to a fun season.  Monday, May 23, on ABC.  See you there.  DP